公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No and why), avoid unclear phrases like "the parties providing them" and reduce repetition. Add one or two specific supporting details and use a linking word to connect ideas.

範例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child because they gave me a chance to play with classmates and make friends. For example, we often played tag and had picnic snacks together, which made those visits fun and memorable.

建議: Avoid repetition and explain briefly what your priorities are. Use a linking word to connect your reason to your preference. Keep it natural and no more than 3–4 sentences.

範例: Not really. Now that I'm 25, I prioritise work and studying, so I prefer staying at home to concentrate on my goals. However, I might visit a park occasionally to relax on weekends.

建議: Reduce hesitation sounds (uh, um) and use clearer linking language. Give one specific reason and one specific effect (e.g., social or environmental). Speak more fluently and limit to 2–3 sentences.

範例: Yes, I would. Seeing children laugh and play in parks brings joy to the neighbourhood, and parks also improve the city's appearance and air quality.

建議: Answer directly and give a specific reason why you'd visit that park. Remove hesitation and complete the final thought. Use linking words to add a detail or example.

範例: I might visit Erin Park in the near future because it offers many active attractions like climbing walls and cycling paths. If someone enjoys outdoor entertainment, they would find it energising and fun.

× In my opinion, every child wants to go to the park, they're interested in playing, but they're classmates and friends and I think that the parties providing them this opportunity to play with their friends.

✓ In my opinion, every child wants to go to the park; they are interested in playing with classmates and friends, and I think that parents provide them with this opportunity to play with their friends.

The sentence misuses pronouns and has unclear referents ('they' and 'the parties'). Replace contractions and ambiguous pronouns with clear subjects: 'they are' and specify 'parents' instead of 'the parties'. Also add 'with' after 'play' to make the verb-object relationship correct. Use punctuation to separate clauses. Suggestion: Specify the subject clearly and use 'with' for 'play with'.

× Actually not. I'm 25 years old and I have my priorities and my own priorities. I prefer staying at home and focus on my purposes.

✓ Actually not. I'm 25 years old, and I have my priorities. I prefer staying at home and focusing on my goals.

The original repeats 'my priorities' and mixes verb forms: 'prefer staying' followed by base verb 'focus' is inconsistent. After 'prefer' plus gerund ('staying'), maintain gerund for the next verb: 'focusing'. Also 'purposes' is awkward; use 'goals'. Suggestion: Use parallel gerunds after 'prefer' and choose natural nouns like 'goals'.

× Yeah, it's actually, uh, joyful to see Parks and the children laughing and playing and, umm, being, uh, uh, energized. Uh, I think that it can also help, uh, make, yeah, the city more beautiful.

✓ Yeah, it's actually joyful to see parks and children laughing and playing and feeling energized. I think that they can also help make the city more beautiful.

Capitalizing 'Parks' and using 'the children' and 'being energized' is awkward. Use lowercase 'parks' and general 'children'. 'Being energized' is better as 'feeling energized'. Also replace vague 'it' with 'they' to agree with plural 'parks and children'. Remove filler words. Suggestion: Use consistent noun forms and correct pronoun agreement; avoid unnecessary articles and fillers.

× Maybe I, uh, visit, uh, Erin Park in near future. It actually contains lots of, uh, energizing, uh, activities there.

✓ Maybe I will visit Erin Park in the near future. It actually has lots of energizing activities.

The original lacks future tense marking: English needs 'will' or 'am going to' for future reference. 'in near future' requires the article 'the'. Also 'contains' is acceptable but 'has' is more natural; remove redundant 'there'. Suggestion: Use 'will visit' or 'am going to visit' and include 'the' in 'the near future'.

× You, if you're interested in, umm, interesting, uh, entertainments and you want to be energized and full of.

✓ If you're interested in interesting entertainments and want to feel energized and full of energy, you should visit.

The original is an incomplete sentence and contains many fillers. It ends abruptly with 'full of' lacking an object. Complete the conditional clause with a main clause and replace 'full of' with 'full of energy'. Also remove redundant 'interesting' or adjust if desired. Suggestion: Finish the sentence with a main clause and provide the missing object; avoid filler words.