公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Organize your response with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Avoid unclear or incorrect word choices (e.g., “collect parks”, “in my business”, “I park soon”). Use linking words to connect ideas and give specific examples of activities you did in parks. Keep the answer concise (no more than 4–5 sentences).

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I especially enjoyed exploring under bushes and collecting interesting insects because I was curious about nature. Also, I felt very peaceful sitting under the trees and sometimes played games with my friends. These memories make me want to visit parks even now.

建議: Start with a direct answer and then give one or two clear reasons using linking words (e.g., “because” or “so”). Avoid repetition and filler words (uh, you know). Be specific about when or how often you go to show concreteness.

範例: Yes, I still like going to parks. I often visit them on weekends because life during the week is hectic, and the parks give me a peaceful place to relax and enjoy the greenery. For example, I usually take a short walk or read a book there to unwind.

建議: Give a direct statement, then support it with specific reasons and a clear result. Correct grammar (e.g., “having more parks would bring more peace to people”) and avoid fillers. Mention concrete benefits such as reduced pollution, more recreational space, or better mental health to strengthen your answer.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in Kathmandu. More parks would help reduce air pollution and provide safe recreational spaces for families. For instance, a new park near my neighborhood would give children a place to play and adults a quiet spot to exercise or relax.

建議: Answer with a clear topic sentence naming the park and give specific reasons why you want to visit. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g., “reach some books to bees and toilets my mind”) and explain activities you would do there. Use linking words (e.g., “because”, “for example”) and keep it concise.

範例: Yes, I would like to visit Southlander Park in the future. I’ve heard it has large green areas and many trees, so it seems perfect for relaxing and watching wildlife. For example, I would go there to read under a tree, take photos of birds, and clear my mind after a busy week.

× I used to love to collect parks because in my business there are many like small bugs and extremely and I feel so peaceful.

✓ I used to love going to parks because there were many small bugs and I felt very peaceful there.

The original sentence uses 'collect parks' incorrectly; the correct verb is 'going to parks' (verb+ing). 'In my business' is inappropriate and likely meant 'in the bushes' or omitted; here 'there were' fits past existence (There be issue, past tense). 'Extremely' is an adverb without an adjective to modify; replace with 'very' modifying 'peaceful'. Use consistent past tense for childhood memory. Suggested improvement: use 'used to + base verb' for habitual past actions and ensure adverbs modify appropriate adjectives.

× I park soon.

✓ I would go there often.

'I park soon' is ungrammatical and unclear; 'park' as a verb doesn't fit context and 'soon' conflicts with past context. Replace with a clear habitual phrase that matches the context of childhood visits. Use 'would + verb' or 'used to' for past habitual actions.

× Yeah, I like to go. I like to go back as a child, as a group, I like more.

✓ Yes, I liked going back as a child; I preferred going in groups.

The original mixes present tense with past context and has awkward word order. Use past tense 'liked' and clarify preference 'preferred going in groups'. Ensure logical order: statement then reason.

× Yeah, as I grew up, uh, I like to go more often than to the parks because, you know, as growing up it's so hectic.

✓ As I grew up, I went to parks less often because life became hectic.

The sentence mixes past ('grew up') with present 'I like to go more often' incorrectly. For a change over time, use past tense to describe reduction: 'went...less often' or 'I now go less often'. Also correct 'it's so hectic' to 'life became hectic' to clarify subject.

× So yeah, I like, I still like going to parks and I, I because it's so peaceful and greenery there.

✓ So yes, I still like going to parks because it is peaceful and green there.

The clause 'and I, I because' is missing a verb leading to a fragment. Replace with 'because it is' to complete the sentence. 'Greenery' is a noun; use adjective 'green' to describe the place. Keep pronoun 'it' to refer to 'parks'.

× Yeah, I would love to see more parks in my city because, uh, in like, you know, I, I live in Kathmandu and there's so much, uh, pollution here and so much cars, bikes and having a more parks in the city will, you know, bring more peaceful in some people like.

✓ I would love to see more parks in my city because I live in Kathmandu, and there is a lot of pollution from cars and bikes; having more parks would make the city more peaceful for people.

Errors include 'so much cars' (quantifier and plural mismatch), 'having a more parks' (article and number error), and awkward phrasing 'bring more peaceful in some people like.' Use 'there is a lot of pollution' (uncountable) and 'cars and bikes' (plural nouns). Use conditional 'would make' to indicate result. Improve clarity by restructuring sentence.

× Yeah, there is a park. Yeah, there's a park name called, uh, Southander Park.

✓ Yes, there is a park called Southander Park.

Redundant phrasing 'a park name called' is incorrect. Use the standard structure 'a park called [name]'. Maintain present tense as the park still exists.

× I want to go there in the future because there's so much green and, uh, trees, uh, and I want to go there to reach some books to bees and toilets my mind.

✓ I want to go there in the future because there is so much greenery and many trees, and I want to go there to relax and clear my mind.

The phrase 'reach some books to bees and toilets my mind' is nonsensical and likely mis-said. Replace with coherent verbs 'relax and clear my mind'. Use 'greenery' or 'green' consistently; 'there is so much greenery' is natural. Use 'many trees' for countable plural. Ensure verb forms express intention 'want to go'.