公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be concise and directly answer the question with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and filler words (uh, I, I). Use correct tense and articles (e.g., “the park,” “my hometown”).

範例: Yes, I liked going to parks as a child. However, I didn’t go often because my small hometown didn’t have any parks nearby, so I only visited parks when I traveled to the nearby city.

建議: Start with a clear statement, then give one or two coherent reasons. Avoid contradictions and unclear phrases (e.g., 'I have I am afraid of high'). Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to connect ideas and correct word choices ('amusement parks', 'roller coasters').

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, especially amusement parks like Disneyland, because I love the atmosphere and rides. Although I am a little afraid of heights, I still want to try adventurous roller coasters to overcome my fear.

建議: Give a direct answer and support it with specific reasons and examples. Reduce repetition and fix grammar (e.g., 'my city', 'Yangon', 'developing country'). Use linking words such as 'because' or 'for example'.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. Parks would improve residents’ quality of life because they provide green space for exercise and family activities, and they can also attract tourists and investment to Yangon.

建議: Answer directly, then mention one specific park or place and precise activities you want to do there. Avoid vague or irrelevant details (e.g., 'experience yoga' unless relevant). Keep sentences short and coherent with correct vocabulary (e.g., 'Korean cuisine').

範例: Yes, I would love to visit Lotte World in Korea or Disneyland if I can. I want to try the famous Korean street food, enjoy themed attractions, and experience cultural shows while visiting the parks.

× Yes, absolutely I did. I like going to park when I was a child, but uh, I, I didn't go frequently, uh, to the park because my hometown, uh, bigger, uh, bigger, there is no park, uh, there is no any other park in, in my hometown. So I didn't, I don't have AI didn't have a chance to go there.

✓ Yes, I did like going to parks when I was a child, but I didn't go frequently because my hometown is small and there were no parks there, so I didn't have a chance to go.

Mixed present and past tense were used incorrectly ('I like going' with 'when I was a child'). The context is about childhood, so past tense should be used throughout. Also 'my hometown, bigger' is unclear; corrected to 'my hometown is small' based on intended meaning and 'there is no any other park' is ungrammatical and corrected to 'there were no parks there'. Suggestion: keep tense consistent (past) when referring to past habits and use clear subject-verb structures.

× Yes, I still like going to park now, especially amusement park or Disneyland.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks now, especially amusement parks or Disneyland.

The noun 'park' requires a plural or an article. In general statements use the plural 'parks' or use 'the' for a specific park. Also 'amusement park' should be plural if speaking generally. Suggestion: use plural for general preferences: 'going to parks' and 'especially amusement parks.'

× Actually, I don't have a chance to go park uh, when I was yeah.

✓ Actually, I didn't have a chance to go to parks when I was younger.

Mixing present 'don't have' with past context 'when I was' is incorrect; past context requires past tense 'didn't have'. Also use 'go to parks' with the preposition 'to' and 'younger' to indicate past time. Suggestion: match tense to time expressions and include necessary prepositions.

× So I want to experience uh, adventurous ride or something uh, and I have uh, I am afraid of high, so I want to escape on this.

✓ So I want to experience adventurous rides and things like that, but I am afraid of heights, so I want to avoid them.

Pronoun and noun forms were incorrect and unclear: 'adventurous ride or something' should be plural or generalized 'adventurous rides and things like that'. 'I am afraid of high' is incorrect; idiomatic expression is 'afraid of heights'. 'Escape on this' is not idiomatic; use 'avoid them'. Suggestion: use standard collocations ('afraid of heights') and keep pronouns consistent with the nouns they refer to.

× Yes, definitely I would like to see more park in my city.

✓ Yes, definitely I would like to see more parks in my city.

Use plural 'parks' when speaking generally about more than one. Using singular 'park' without an article is incorrect. Suggestion: use plural for general countable nouns when no article is intended.

× Uh, actually, I live in Yango, uh, uh, that is a developing country of my uh, developing gantry of Myanmar.

✓ Actually, I live in Yangon, which is in the developing country of Myanmar.

The original sentence has word order and word choice problems ('developing gantry' is nonsensical). The relation between city and country should be expressed with 'which is in' or 'in'. Also correct place name 'Yangon'. Suggestion: use clear relative clauses and correct vocabulary ('developing country').

× So, uh, it's a good point to it's a good point to add, uh, to add many other city, many other park in my country is a good sign of.

✓ So, it's a good idea to add many more parks and develop other cities in my country; that would be a good sign of progress.

Repeating 'it's a good point to' is awkward; 'a good idea' or 'beneficial' fits better. 'Many other city' should be 'many more cities' and 'many other park' should be 'many more parks'. Sentence structure was incomplete; corrected to a full clause. Suggestion: use appropriate nouns with correct number and complete the thought with a clear predicate.

× Yes, definitely I want to I want to go to the amusement park like Disneyland in Korea, since Korea is a dreamland for us As for me, so I want to go to Korea and experience yoga and new, uh, Korean cuisine and have a.

✓ Yes, I definitely want to go to an amusement park like Disneyland in Korea, since Korea is like a dreamland to me, so I want to go to Korea to try new Korean cuisine and experience local attractions.

Redundant phrasing 'I want to I want to' and incomplete sentence ending. 'Experience yoga and new, Korean cuisine and have a.' was unclear: 'experience yoga' is odd in this context; likely 'experience local attractions' or 'try new Korean cuisine' fits. Use 'to' + verb infinitive for purpose: 'to try' and 'to experience'. Suggestion: remove redundancy, use infinitives for intentions, and complete sentences with clear objects.