公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence saying yes, then give one or two specific supporting details (who, where, what you did) using correct tense and simpler grammar. Avoid repetition and unclear references.

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went with my father to a small park near our house where I met my best friend; we would sit on the grass, chat and share snacks. Those visits are one of my happiest childhood memories.

建議: Clarify your main idea first (yes or no), use correct tense and fewer hesitations. Give one specific example (how often, what you do there) and link ideas with simple connectors like 'also' or 'because'. Avoid unclear phrases like 'anonymity' and inconsistent numbers.

範例: Yes, I still like going to parks. There is a park near my home in Suzhou that I visit about six or seven times a month because it is peaceful. Also, the people there are friendly and I often chat with them while walking.

建議: Answer directly (Yes/No) and explain one clear reason with realistic detail. Use standard vocabulary instead of vague words like 'balks' or 'pox'. Avoid repetition and future tense errors — use 'after I finish' instead of 'as soon as I done'.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they improve the quality of life and provide places to relax. After I finish my IELTS exam, I plan to visit several parks I have read about to explore different areas and take photographs.

建議: Be decisive and specific: name the park (or describe it clearly), say why you want to go there and give one concrete detail (features, distance, activities). Remove filler words and fix grammar (e.g., 'I haven't made up my mind' vs 'I have not decided yet').

範例: I haven't decided on all the parks I want to visit, but there is one popular park near a large mall that interests me. It has a river, wildlife and walking paths, and I saw pictures online showing many visitors enjoying boat rides. I look forward to visiting it because of the river and animals.

× In honesty, I used to love it when I was a child and they do remember that day I went with my with my father and that book was quite nearby my house where I where I found my best friend over there. We've been chatting, we've been eating together.

✓ To be honest, I used to love going to parks when I was a child. I remember the day I went with my father to a park near my house where I found my best friend. We used to chat and eat together.

This long run-on sentence contains multiple issues: incorrect phrase 'In honesty' (use 'To be honest'), unnecessary present-tense operator 'do' and wrong pronoun 'they' for recalled memory, repeated words, and mixed tenses. Split into shorter sentences, use correct pronouns and consistent past tense ('used to', 'remember', 'went', 'found', 'used to chat'). Suggestions: break complex ideas into separate sentences, choose appropriate discourse phrase ('To be honest'), and keep tense consistent when recounting past events.

× Anonymity is not as good as it would like it to be as they as they would like it to be. But I got one nearby my home here in Suzhou and they've been in that park for almost 6 * 7 times. I found it incredibly fascinating and peaceful. I've tried to speak with the people over there and they all, they were like incredibly welcoming me and I'm still like keeping up in my mind.

✓ It is not as good as I would like it to be. But I have a park near my home here in Suzhou and I have been to that park about six or seven times. I found it incredibly fascinating and peaceful. I tried speaking with the people there and they were very welcoming, and I still keep it in my mind.

Problems: mixed tenses and incorrect pronouns ('Anonymity' wrong word; should be 'It' or 'Anonymity' irrelevant), incorrect present perfect continuous phrasing 'they've been in that park' when intended subject is 'I', and awkward 'incredibly welcoming me'. Use consistent present perfect for experiences ('have been to') and simple past for specific past actions ('found', 'tried'). Use correct object structure ('welcoming' with object omitted or 'welcoming me' but better 'were very welcoming'). Suggestions: use correct subject pronouns, correct tense forms for experiences, and natural verb + object combinations.

× I was planning to make it happen before I've been in Suzhou because I did hear about it balks and sojourn. It's incredibly beautiful, gorgeous and spectacular. So I'm gonna keep it in my mind as soon as I done my IELTS exam, I told myself as soon as I done my IELTS exam, I'm gonna make it happen. Not just only one three pox. I'm gonna be everywhere and.

✓ I was planning to make it happen after I arrived in Suzhou because I had heard about its walks and sights. It's incredibly beautiful. So I will keep it in mind: as soon as I finish my IELTS exam, I told myself I will make it happen. Not just one or three spots; I want to visit many places.

Problems: incorrect use of present perfect 'I've been in Suzhou' in that context, wrong noun 'balks' (likely 'walks') and 'sojourn', incorrect colloquial 'gonna' and wrong past form 'done' (should be 'finish' or 'have finished' depending). Use past perfect ('had heard') for prior information, simple future ('will') for intentions, and correct nouns. Suggestions: use standard future forms for plans ('will' or 'plan to'), correct vocabulary ('walks', 'sights' or 'sojourn' used carefully), and fix verb forms ('finish' rather than 'done'). Also replace informal 'gonna' with 'going to' or 'will' in formal speech.

× And unless they haven't made-up my mind yet, but there is a bug, it's quite far away from me and nearby that mall. I don't remember the the exactly for the name of that mall, but the park has a river, has some animals over there. And they've seen a lot of people. I mean, I've seen it through my phone and they found it like incredibly fascinating. I cannot wait to go there.

✓ I haven't made up my mind yet, but there is a park quite far from me near a mall. I don't remember the exact name of that mall, but the park has a river and some animals. I have seen many people there in pictures on my phone, and I found it incredibly fascinating. I cannot wait to go there.

Problems: incorrect and inconsistent pronoun usage ('they' referring to the student), unnecessary negative 'unless they haven't', repeated words, and incorrect verb agreement 'they've seen a lot of people' when referring to park observations. Also 'bug' is wrong word for 'park'. Use first person for personal decisions ('I haven't made up my mind'), correct noun 'park', and consistent tense for reported observations ('I have seen', 'I found'). Suggestions: avoid shifting pronouns, use precise nouns, and keep tense and subject consistent when describing personal experiences.