公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific supporting detail. Avoid repetition (e.g., "scared child" and "frightened"). Use linking words to connect ideas (e.g., "because", "so").

範例: No, I didn't enjoy parks when I was a child because I was quite fearful after a childhood accident. For example, when I was three I fell while running and badly injured my arms, so my mother worried a lot and kept me from playing outside.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence and combine related ideas to avoid choppiness. Use linking words to show cause and effect (e.g., "because", "which helps"). Be specific about how walking helps your work or studies.

範例: Yes, I enjoy going to parks now because I love walking; it helps me relax and clear my mind. As a result, I concentrate better in my classes and study more effectively, so I often go to parks to stay active and enjoy nature.

建議: Avoid repetition and correct grammar ("lack of green areas" -> "we lack green spaces", "children's" -> "children"). Give one or two specific reasons and use linking words (e.g., "because", "therefore").

範例: Yes, I would. We lack green spaces in my city, and the existing parks are often overcrowded, so children cannot play freely. Therefore, creating more parks would improve residents' health and provide safer places for families.

建議: Be clearer and avoid filler words. Use a direct topic sentence and give a specific example (name a park or city) and a reason. Avoid ending abruptly or saying contradictory phrases like "No parks."

範例: Yes. In a few months I'm visiting Italy and I'd love to visit Villa Borghese in Rome because it combines beautiful gardens with important sculptures and museums, so I can relax and learn about local culture.

× No, I didn't like to go to the parks as a child because I was a scared child due to some injuries that I had.

✓ No, I didn't like going to parks as a child because I was fearful due to some injuries I had.

Use gerund 'going' after 'didn't like' rather than 'to go'. Also 'the parks' implies specific parks; use 'parks' general. 'Scared child' is awkward; 'fearful' or 'afraid' is better. Remove redundant 'that' before 'I had'.

× For example, when I was three years old, while I was running, I fell down and injured my arms.

✓ For example, when I was three years old I was running, I fell and injured my arms.

Sequence of past actions is fine but 'fell down' can be shortened to 'fell'. Keep past continuous 'was running' then simple past 'fell' and 'injured' — ensure clarity and natural phrasing by removing extra comma placement.

× Yes, I do like to go to parks now.

✓ Yes, I do like going to parks now.

After 'do like' either 'to go' or gerund is possible, but 'going to parks' sounds more natural for habitual present. Match form with previous correction guidance.

× It just makes my body feel really relaxed.

✓ It just makes my body feel really relaxed.

Sentence is acceptable; no preposition error. No change needed.

× And when my body is relaxed, my work improves about like my classes and my lessons.

✓ And when my body is relaxed, my performance improves, for example in my classes and lessons.

Original sentence has awkward structure 'improves about like my classes and my lessons'. Use 'performance improves' and 'for example in my classes and lessons' to clarify meaning and correct collocation.

× So I really enjoy going to parks just to be active about my body and I like nature a lot.

✓ So I really enjoy going to parks to be active and I like nature a lot.

'Active about my body' is unnatural. Use 'to be active' or 'to keep my body active'. Removed unnecessary 'just' and corrected phrase to sound natural.

× Yes I do. I do want to see more parks in my city.

✓ Yes, I do. I want to see more parks in my city.

Redundant 'do' in affirmative statement is unnecessary unless for emphasis. Add comma after 'Yes'.

× We need more green areas since we lack of green areas, uh, the ones that we have are always really crowded and children's cannot play freely.

✓ We need more green areas since we lack them; the ones we have are always really crowded and children cannot play freely.

Do not use 'lack of'; use 'lack' with object ('lack them') or 'there is a lack of'. 'Children's' (possessive) is incorrect; use 'children'. Remove filler 'uh' and fix punctuation.

× So I think we do need more parks and new fresh oxygen.

✓ So I think we do need more parks and fresh air.

'New fresh oxygen' is unnatural; use 'fresh air'. 'Do' for emphasis is acceptable but 'new' not needed. Use correct collocation.

× Yes, in a few months I'm gonna visit Italy, and I know that there are lots of pretty parks out there that are really culturally embellished, so it would be really fun to see and learn No parks.

✓ Yes, in a few months I'm going to visit Italy, and I know there are many beautiful parks there that are culturally rich, so it will be really fun to visit and learn about them.

Avoid informal 'gonna' in test context; use 'going to'. 'Lots of pretty parks out there' -> 'many beautiful parks there'. 'Culturally embellished' is awkward; use 'culturally rich'. 'It would be' should be 'it will be' to match planned future. Final fragment 'No parks' seems erroneous; replace with 'about them' to complete thought.