公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: ปรับโครงประโยคให้ชัดเจน ใช้กาลของคำกริยาให้ถูกต้อง และลดคำเติม (fillers) ลง ให้ตอบตรงคำถามตามด้วยรายละเอียดสั้นๆ (ไม่เกิน 5 ประโยค) เช่น อธิบายกิจกรรมที่ทำในบ้านและเหตุผลที่ไม่ชอบไปสวนสาธารณะ

範例: No, I did not often go to parks when I was a child. I preferred staying at home because I enjoyed studying, playing video games and chatting with friends. Also, my neighborhood had few interesting parks, so I rarely visited them.

建議: ลดการใช้คำซ้ำและคำเติม ปรับคำให้เป็นเอกพจน์/พหูพจน์ถูกต้อง และเพิ่ม linking word เล็กน้อยเพื่อความราบรื่น เช่น ระบุเหตุผลหลักและให้ตัวอย่างประกอบ

範例: No, I still don't enjoy going to parks. I feel it would be a waste of time because I prefer to focus on studying or hobbies. For example, I usually spend my free time reading or practicing coding at home.

建議: แก้ไวยากรณ์และความสอดคล้องของคำนามกับคำกริยา ใช้ linking words เช่น "because", "so" ให้ถูกต้อง และอธิบายเพิ่มเติมสั้นๆ ว่าทำไมสวนใหม่ถึงน่าสนใจ (ไม่เกิน 5 ประโยค)

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because many existing parks are old and poorly maintained. If new parks were built with better facilities and green spaces, I would definitely try to visit them and enjoy the fresh air.

建議: ล้างคำฟุ่มเฟือย แก้โครงสร้างประโยคและการใช้คำคุณศัพท์/สรรพนามให้ถูกต้อง เพิ่มเหตุผลจำเพาะว่าทำไมอยากไป และอธิบายกิจกรรมที่คิดจะทำที่นั่น

範例: In the future, I would like to visit Central Park in New York because it is very large and has many green areas. I think I would enjoy walking, relaxing by the lake, and escaping the city's noise, which would be a nice change from my usual routine.

× Uh, I haven't go to the past one since I was a child because I don't like going outside.

✓ Uh, I haven't gone to parks since I was a child because I don't like going outside.

Mixing present perfect with incorrect verb form: 'haven't go' is ungrammatical; the correct past participle of 'go' is 'gone' when used with have/has. Also 'to the past one' is awkward; use plural or a general noun 'parks' to match the meaning. Suggestion: use 'haven't gone to parks since I was a child' or 'I haven't been to a park since I was a child.'

× I prefer, uh, stay at my home and doing my stuff.

✓ I prefer to stay at home and do my stuff.

After 'prefer' use the infinitive 'to stay' or the gerund 'staying' consistently; mixing 'stay' and 'doing' breaks parallelism. Also 'my home' is acceptable but 'at home' is more natural. Suggestion: 'I prefer to stay at home and do my stuff.'

× Success. Uh, study, playing game, talking with my friends or listening to the music.

✓ For example, studying, playing games, talking with my friends, or listening to music.

Fragment lacks a main verb; items should use a consistent form (gerunds) and 'playing game' needs plural 'games'. 'Listening to the music' should be 'listening to music' unless a specific music is meant. Suggestion: use a full sentence: 'I like studying, playing games, talking with my friends, or listening to music.'

× Uh, for now, I still don't like going to park or going outside because, uh, I think it's a waste of the time.

✓ For now, I still don't like going to the park or going outside because I think it's a waste of time.

Countable noun 'park' requires an article: 'the park' or 'parks'. 'The time' is unnecessary; general expression is 'a waste of time.' Remove filler 'uh' and extra commas. Suggestion: 'I don't like going to the park... it's a waste of time.'

× I, I really want to do other thing that I really need to do such as study or doing what I like.

✓ I really want to do other things that I need to do, such as studying or doing what I like.

Use plural 'things' when referring to multiple activities. Maintain parallel forms: 'such as studying or doing what I like' (gerunds). Remove repetition 'I, I' and extra 'really'. Suggestion: 'I want to do other things I need to do, such as studying or hobbies I enjoy.'

× Yeah, I would like to see more park in my city because the park in my city are really getting old and that's why this is the one reason that I don't want to go there.

✓ Yeah, I would like to see more parks in my city because the parks in my city are getting old, and that's one reason I don't want to go there.

Countable noun 'park' needs plural 'parks' when saying 'more'. Subject-verb agreement: 'the park in my city are' should be 'the parks in my city are'. Redundant phrase 'this is the one reason' can be simplified. Suggestion: 'I'd like to see more parks... the parks are getting old, which is one reason I don't go.'

× If my city get a new one, I definitely going to try to visit there and enjoy the enjoy there.

✓ If my city gets a new one, I will definitely try to visit it and enjoy being there.

Subject-verb agreement: 'city get' should be 'city gets'. Future construction needs auxiliary 'will' or 'am/is/are going to': 'I will definitely try' or 'I'm definitely going to try'. 'Visit there' is awkward; use 'visit it' or 'go there'. Duplicate 'enjoy the enjoy' is incorrect; use 'enjoy being there' or 'enjoy it.' Suggestion: 'If my city gets a new park, I'll definitely try to visit it and enjoy being there.'

× In the future, I plan to visit the Central Park in New York because I heard that is there's, it's where very big and, uh, have a fresh air and it's doesn't have that much noise pollution and I think I would enjoy there.

✓ In the future, I plan to visit Central Park in New York because I heard that it's very big, has fresh air, and doesn't have much noise pollution, so I think I would enjoy it.

Article use: 'the Central Park' should be 'Central Park' (proper noun). Remove extra words 'that is there's, it's where'. Use correct verb forms: 'has fresh air' (not 'have a fresh air') and 'doesn't have much noise pollution' (not 'it's doesn't have that much'). 'Enjoy there' should be 'enjoy it' or 'enjoy being there'. Suggestion: simplify to 'I plan to visit Central Park... I heard it's very big, has fresh air, and isn't very noisy, so I'd enjoy it.'