公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be careful with grammar (subject-verb agreement and articles) and reduce redundancy. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Keep sentences concise (maximum 4–5 sentences).

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went there with my friends after school, where we played cricket and volleyball. These active games helped us relax and forget about homework stress.

建議: Fix grammar and clarity issues: remove extra words, correct articles, and finish your ideas. Use linking words to connect ideas and give a clear result. Avoid vague phrases like “which is in and which improves our.”

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I usually visit every evening with my family, where we take short walks and enjoy the scenery. These light exercises help us relax and sleep better.

建議: Combine ideas to avoid repetition and use clearer linking words (for example, “because” or “so”). Use specific benefits as evidence and avoid repeating phrases like “appearance and the beauty.”

範例: Yes, I would. More parks would improve the city’s appearance and air quality because of the extra trees and green spaces. As a result, people could do light exercise after work and likely sleep better.

建議: Correct small grammar errors and be more precise in descriptions. Use linking words to connect sentences and give one or two specific details (facilities, scenery, activities).

範例: Yes, there are several parks I want to visit, especially Heart Lake. It has a small lake shaped like a heart and well-maintained walking paths. I’m planning to go next week because I heard the scenery is very beautiful and ideal for photography.

× When I was a child, I usually went to the park with my friends in the evening after the school.

✓ When I was a child, I usually went to the park with my friends in the evening after school.

The phrase 'after the school' is incorrect here; 'school' as an activity or period of the day does not need the definite article. Use 'after school'. This keeps past tense consistent and sounds natural.

× We played some games such as cricket and volleyball and sometimes some other games.

✓ We played games such as cricket and volleyball and sometimes other games.

The original is grammatically acceptable but wordy. Removing 'some' before 'other games' and the repeated 'some' makes the sentence clearer. Maintain past tense 'played' to match the time frame.

× Those games helps us get away from stress.

✓ Those games helped us get away from stress.

The subject 'games' is plural, so the present 'helps' is incorrect. Also the context is past (when a child), so change verb to past 'helped' to maintain tense consistency.

× I usually go to the park in the every evening with my family members.

✓ I usually go to the park every evening with my family.

Remove the extra article 'the' before 'every evening' and 'family members' is wordier than necessary; 'family' is more natural. Present simple 'usually go' is fine for habits.

× We enjoy sightseeing and do little exercise which helps us to relax from stress which in and which improves our.

✓ We enjoy sightseeing and do a little exercise, which helps us relax and improves our well-being.

The original has missing and redundant words and unclear clauses. Insert 'a' before 'little exercise', remove unnecessary 'to' after 'helps us', and combine the relative clauses into one clear clause. 'Improves our well-being' completes the thought.

× Definitely I would like to see more parks in the city which enhance the appearance and the beauty of the city, which improves air quality.

✓ Definitely I would like to see more parks in the city, which would enhance the appearance and beauty of the city and improve air quality.

Add comma before the relative clause and change verbs to conditional 'would enhance' to match 'would like'. Remove the second 'the' before 'beauty' and replace 'which improves' with 'and improve' to join effects correctly.

× People could do light exercise after their work which improves their sleep also.

✓ People could do light exercise after work, which also improves their sleep.

Remove 'their' before 'work' for naturalness, move 'also' before 'improves' or after the clause; here placing 'also' before 'improves' is concise. The clause correctly uses present tense 'improves' as a general truth.

× There are several parks where I want to go, specially the Heart lake.

✓ There are several parks I want to visit, especially Heart Lake.

Use 'especially' (spelling) not 'specially'. 'Visit' is more natural than 'go to' here, and proper nouns like 'Heart Lake' are capitalized and usually do not need 'the' unless part of the official name.

× It has a smaller lake in the shape of heart.

✓ It has a small lake in the shape of a heart.

Use 'a small lake' (not 'smaller' without comparison) and include the article 'a' before 'heart' to complete the noun phrase 'the shape of a heart'.

× I am planning to go there next week.

✓ I am planning to go there next week.

Sentence is correct. Present continuous 'am planning' is appropriate for future arrangements. No change needed.

× I heard that there is good walking path and have the beautiful scenery.

✓ I heard that there is a good walking path and beautiful scenery.

Match singular 'a good walking path' with article 'a', remove extra 'the' and change 'have' to be parallel with 'is' by rephrasing: 'there is a good walking path and beautiful scenery.' This creates parallel structure and correct grammar.