公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Reduce repetition and make the answer more concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid filler words and correct small grammar issues (e.g., "as as as").

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because I was very athletic. For example, my family visited a popular nearby park almost every day, where I would cycle and run with my siblings, which made my childhood active and fun.

建議: Avoid repeating the same idea and tighten the structure. Give one clear reason and a specific example of what you do in parks now. Use linking words (e.g., "because", "for example", "so") to connect ideas and remove redundant phrases.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy parks because they help me relax from academic stress. For example, I often go there to read or take a short walk, which clears my mind and helps me focus on my studies afterwards.

建議: Organize the answer with a topic sentence followed by two concise, specific benefits. Use linking words to connect points and avoid vague phrases like "very boring and monotonous world."

範例: Yes, I would like more parks because they provide relaxation and promote social interaction. For instance, parks offer outdoor spaces for people to meet and talk, and they encourage young people to take breaks from screens and exercise.

建議: Finish your sentences fully and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the park, then give two specific reasons why you want to visit (e.g., cafes, libraries, design). Use linking words (e.g., "because", "also") and correct small grammar issues.

範例: Yes, I plan to visit a park in Gulshan, Taka city, because it has many cafes and nearby libraries where I can read. Also, the park is beautifully landscaped and peaceful, which would make it an ideal place to relax and study.

× Yes, I loved going to parks as as as I was a child because ever since I was young I've been more of the athletic type.

✓ Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child because I have always been more of an athletic type.

The original sentence has repeated words 'as as as' (sentence structure error) and mixes past ('loved') with 'ever since' plus present perfect in a way that is awkward. Use 'when I was a child' for simple past reference and 'I have always been' or 'I was' for consistent tense. Suggestion: remove repetitions and keep tense consistent: 'Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child because I have always been more athletic.'

× And since we have a very renowned park ride nearby our house, we used to almost visit it every single day, be it cycling in the park or be it running with my siblings.

✓ Since we had a well-known park near our house, we used to visit it almost every day for activities like cycling or running with my siblings.

'Park ride' and 'renowned' are awkward collocations; 'used to almost visit' has adverb placement issues. Tense should match past ('used to'). 'Be it ... or be it ...' is overly formal and repetitive. Suggestion: use 'used to visit it almost every day for activities like...' and place adverbs ('almost') before the verb or after 'visit'.

× It was a very fun experience for me.

✓ It was a very enjoyable experience for me.

The sentence is grammatically acceptable but 'very fun' is informal; 'enjoyable' is more natural in this context. Suggestion: prefer 'enjoyable' or 'a lot of fun' depending on register.

× Yes, I absolutely love going to parks now because it gives me a break from my busy world, which is filled with academic pressure, pressure of going to universities, a lot of worries and going to parks.

✓ Yes, I absolutely love going to parks now because they give me a break from my busy life, which is filled with academic pressure, worries about university, and many other concerns.

There is a repetition 'going to parks' inside the list and awkward phrases like 'pressure of going to universities.' 'Parks' is plural and should be referred to by 'they.' Also improve parallel structure in the list. Suggestion: avoid repeating the main subject in the list and use parallel items: 'academic pressure, worries about university, and other concerns.'

× It gives me a sense of relaxation and a break from the busy, very busy world that I live in and it gives me a space to do whatever I like.

✓ They give me a sense of relaxation and a break from the very busy world I live in, and they provide me space to do whatever I like.

Using 'it' to refer to 'parks' (plural) causes subject-verb agreement issues; also repetition 'busy, very busy' is redundant. Use 'they' and avoid repetition. Suggestion: match pronoun number to noun and simplify duplicate adjectives.

× I would definitely love to see more parks in my city because not only is this a place for relaxation, but it's also a place where people can meet each other and make new friends and have a really good social life.

✓ I would definitely love to see more parks in my city because not only are they places for relaxation, but they are also places where people can meet each other, make new friends, and have a good social life.

'This a place' incorrectly uses singular demonstrative 'this' for plural 'parks.' Change to plural 'they' and ensure verb agreement 'are.' Also streamline the list with parallel verbs. Suggestion: match number and keep parallel structure.

× And I think that it's very important for our generation since we are heavily dependent on technology and parks give us a break from the very boring and monotonous world.

✓ I think this is very important for our generation because we are heavily dependent on technology, and parks give us a break from a boring, monotonous life.

'A very boring and monotonous world' is wordy; 'this' refers better than 'that' here. Improve parallel adjective order and noun choice: 'life' fits better than 'world.' Suggestion: use concise phrasing and correct demonstrative pronoun.

× Yes, there is a park that I have in mind which I would really like to visit in the future and that is located in one of the best areas of Taka city, which is Gulshan because it has a lot of cafes and libraries for reading books.

✓ Yes, there is a park I would really like to visit in the future, located in one of the best areas of Dhaka city, Gulshan, because it has many cafes and libraries for reading.

'Taka city' is likely a misspelling of 'Dhaka city.' The sentence is long and uses redundant clauses ('that I have in mind which I would'). Simplify by removing unnecessary relative pronouns and use 'many' instead of 'a lot of.' Also 'for reading books' can be shortened to 'for reading.' Suggestion: correct proper noun, simplify structure, and use appropriate quantifier.

× And overall it has a very nice environment and relaxing environment and it's decorated beautifully which makes.

✓ Overall, it has a very pleasant and relaxing atmosphere and is decorated beautifully, which makes it appealing.

The original repeats 'environment' and ends with an incomplete clause 'which makes.' Also 'environment' is better as 'atmosphere.' Complete the thought by specifying the effect: 'which makes it appealing.' Suggestion: avoid repetition and finish clauses so sentences are complete.