公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more grammatical, concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (like), and add one specific detail. Use a linking phrase if adding reason.

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I enjoyed running around the playground and playing games with friends, which felt much more fun than staying at home.

建議: Avoid repetition and fillers, give a clear reason and one concrete example. Use linking words (because, so) to connect ideas and keep it to 2–3 sentences.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because walking among trees is refreshing and helps me relax. For example, I often take a 30-minute walk there after work to clear my mind.

建議: Be direct and avoid hesitations and repetition. Start with a topic sentence, then give a specific reason and brief example. Use linking words such as because or so for coherence.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide quiet spaces away from busy streets. For instance, when I'm stressed I can walk in a nearby park for twenty minutes and feel much calmer.

建議: Be specific about which parks and explain why with concrete details. Avoid filler words and keep it natural. Mention one or two park names and what you plan to do there.

範例: Yes, I hope to visit large national parks in the United States, such as Yellowstone or Yosemite, because I want to photograph dramatic landscapes and hike scenic trails.

× Yes, I loved going to park as a child because it allows me to move and like play freely compared to just staying at home.

✓ Yes, I loved going to the park as a child because it allowed me to move and play freely compared to just staying at home.

Use of the definite article 'the' is required before singular countable noun 'park' (Grammar Problem Type 22). Also tense inconsistency: the rest of sentence refers to childhood, so past tense 'allowed' should be used instead of 'allows' (Grammar Problem Type 5). Remove filler 'like' for clarity.

× Yeah, I still love to go to parks because I love to like walk around the park.

✓ Yeah, I still love going to parks because I love to walk around them.

Use gerund 'going' for general preference (Grammar Problem Type 6). Remove filler 'like'. Replace 'walk around the park' with 'walk around them' to match plural 'parks' and avoid repetition; ensures pronoun agreement (Grammar Problem Type 12).

× It's just, it's just refreshing and I can relax.

✓ It's just refreshing, and I can relax.

Repeating 'it's just' is redundant and makes the sentence awkward (Grammar Problem Type 26). Combine clauses with a comma and conjunction for clarity.

× Yes, I would love to see more parks compared to like just browsing city buildings, for example.

✓ Yes, I would love to see more parks rather than just looking at city buildings, for example.

Replace 'compared to like just browsing' with 'rather than just looking at' for natural comparison and remove filler 'like' (Grammar Problem Type 22). 'Browsing' is less appropriate for viewing buildings; 'looking at' fits better (Grammar Problem Type 13).

× If I'm stressed and now I just want to refresh, then I I can just go to the park and walk and just, yeah, relax.

✓ If I'm stressed and just want to refresh, I can go to a park and walk and relax.

Remove duplicate 'I' and extra 'just' for conciseness. Use 'a park' because any park is meant (Grammar Problem Type 22). Keep present simple conditional structure 'If I'm..., I can...' (Grammar Problem Type 6).

× I would like to go to the massive natural parks in US so that I can take pictures of like natural spaces.

✓ I would like to go to the massive natural parks in the US so that I can take pictures of natural spaces.

Use definite article 'the' before 'US' (Grammar Problem Type 22). Remove filler 'like' and redundant 'natural' repetition for concision (Grammar Problem Type 13). Retain conditional future intention using 'would like' which is appropriate (Grammar Problem Type 7).