公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Reduce repetition and hesitations, make a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repeating phrases like “from my home.” Use linking words (for example, “and then” or “after that”) to make the sequence clear.

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, there was a small park only a five-minute walk from home, where my family and I would take evening strolls and sometimes walk on to the nearby zoo, which became one of my fondest childhood memories.

建議: Be concise and avoid fillers like “you know.” Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one clear reason and one brief detail. Improve coherence by using a linking word such as “because” or “however.”

範例: I still enjoy going to parks, but I rarely visit them now because I live away from my hometown and my busy schedule leaves little free time for walks.

建議: Avoid hesitations and finish your thought clearly. Provide a specific benefit of more parks and use linking words like “because” or “so” to show cause and effect. Correct unclear phrases (e.g., “UMM around”) and end the sentence fully.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks because I live in a secluded area and new parks would encourage local people to meet, exercise, and build stronger community ties.

建議: Organize your answer into a clear topic sentence and one specific example. Avoid vague phrases and filler sentences. If mentioning a place, give one or two precise reasons why you want to visit (e.g., wildlife, landscape).

範例: I would like to visit Masai Mara in Kenya in the future because it is a famous wildlife reserve where I could see animals in their natural habitat and experience the dramatic landscapes.

× There is one park near my home which is 5 minutes walk away from my home.

✓ There is one park near my home which is a 5-minute walk away.

Use of 'There is' is fine but the phrase '5 minutes walk' is ungrammatical; correct form is 'a 5-minute walk' (hyphenated compound adjective) and avoid repeating 'from my home'. Use article 'a' and singular 'minute' in the compound modifier.

× Uh, we always used to take an evening stroll around the park and then we would walk to a nearby zoo, which is one of the fondest memories of my childhood.

✓ We always used to take an evening stroll around the park and then would walk to a nearby zoo, which is one of my fondest childhood memories.

Tense 'used to' is correct for past habit; improve word order and wording: 'one of the fondest memories of my childhood' is awkward—more natural is 'one of my fondest childhood memories'. Also remove unnecessary 'we' before 'would' for conciseness.

× I still like going to the park, but I do not have enough time to spend in a park.

✓ I still like going to the park, but I don't have enough time to spend there.

Repetition of 'a park' is awkward; use 'there' to refer back to 'the park'. Contraction 'don't' is acceptable in spoken style; use present simple 'don't have' for current situation.

× I am not living in my hometown right now and I don't see many parks where I'm living right now and my busy schedules are not allowing me to fit a time in for, you know, taking the strolls in the park.

✓ I don't live in my hometown right now and I don't see many parks where I live, and my busy schedule doesn't allow me to find time to take strolls in the park.

Use simple present 'don't live' rather than progressive 'am not living' for a longer-term situation. Avoid repeating 'right now'. Use singular 'schedule' to match context and 'doesn't allow' for subject-verb agreement. Use 'find time to take strolls' for natural phrasing and drop filler 'you know'.

× Well, I would appreciate seeing more parks in my city, uh, since currently I'm living in a place which is very secluded from the city area.

✓ Well, I would appreciate having more parks in my city since I'm currently living in a place that is quite secluded from the city center.

'Appreciate seeing more parks' is slightly unnatural; 'appreciate having more parks' or 'would like to see more parks' is better. Use 'that' for defining relative clause. 'City center' is more natural than 'city area'. Present continuous 'I'm currently living' is acceptable but 'I'm currently living in' works here.

× I think more parks could bring people around from the UMM around together and it would help people to connect and.

✓ I think more parks could bring people from the UMM area together and would help people connect.

Original sentence has redundancy ('around' twice) and a trailing 'and' making it incomplete. Remove repeated words, use 'UMM area' or the appropriate place name, and simplify 'help people connect' for fluency.

× There are not much parks in the area I live in.

✓ There are not many parks in the area I live in.

Use 'many' with countable plural nouns ('parks'), not 'much'. The correct negative form is 'not many parks'.

× I think. I personally enjoy watching animals.

✓ I think so. I personally enjoy watching animals.

'Orphaned 'I think.' is incomplete; add 'so' to complete the thought if referring to previous sentence. Keeps natural speech flow.

× So there is a spark which is in Kenya and it's Masai Mara.

✓ There is a park in Kenya called the Masai Mara.

'Spark' is a mispronunciation or typo for 'park'. Use 'There is a park in Kenya called Masai Mara' or 'the Masai Mara' and avoid unnecessary 'which is'. Use article 'the' before a well-known reserve name.

× It's a National Wildlife sanctuary.

✓ It's a national wildlife sanctuary.

Do not capitalize common nouns in the middle of a sentence; use lowercase 'national wildlife sanctuary' unless it's part of an official proper name. Also 'a' is correct article before a consonant sound.