公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Give a clear direct topic sentence, avoid repetition and hesitations, and add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Focus on past tense consistency and correct noun forms (children).

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I often played on the swings and climbed trees with my friends, which made weekends exciting. Also, I enjoyed family picnics there because the green space felt relaxing.

建議: Start with a clear direct answer, use correct grammar for preferences (I don't really like), and give a concise reason with linking words. Avoid repetition and correct verb forms (stay, makes).

範例: Not really; I don't enjoy crowded parks anymore because being around many people makes me feel tired. Instead, I prefer staying at home where it's quiet and I can relax or read.

建議: Answer directly and complete the thought. Use linking words to explain reasons and be specific about what you mean (e.g., small town lacks space). Avoid sentence fragments and repetitions.

範例: Not necessarily; my hometown is very small and there isn't much space for parks. However, a few well-designed pocket parks could be useful for families and children to have outdoor space.

建議: Give a direct answer and then provide a specific example of a park you'd like to visit, using clearer descriptions and linking words. Correct noun phrases (Ulaanbaatar or city name) and avoid vague or repetitive phrases.

範例: There aren't many parks where I live, but I would like to visit the large central park in Ulaanbaatar. It is designed like parks in North America, with wide paths and lakes, and I think it would be nice to walk there and enjoy the scenery.

× Yeah, sure 'cause there's a lot of a lot of lot of.

✓ Yeah, sure, because there were a lot of them.

The original uses 'there's' (there is) which is singular and incorrect for plural 'a lot'. Also 'a lot of a lot of lot of' is repetitive and unclear. Use 'there were a lot of them' to match plural nouns implied and past tense context ('as a child'). Suggestion: replace repetitive phrase with 'there were a lot of them' and use 'because' instead of colloquial ' 'cause'.

× I really like to go to the parks when I was a child, 'cause it's really enjoying and, uh, being around a lot of child is the most fascinating thing.

✓ I really liked going to the parks when I was a child, because it was really enjoyable, and being around many children was the most fascinating thing.

Tense inconsistency: 'I really like to go' (present) conflicts with 'when I was a child' (past). Use past tense 'liked' and the gerund 'going'. 'It's really enjoying' is incorrect: use 'it was really enjoyable' (adjective) to describe experience. 'a lot of child' should be 'many children' (plural noun). Suggestion: keep past tense throughout to match 'when I was a child' and use correct adjective forms and plural nouns.

× No, I don't really, cause being around a lot of people is makes me tired and exhausted and I I would rather staying in my home home than going to the crowded place.

✓ No, I don't really, because being around a lot of people makes me tired and exhausted, and I would rather stay at home than go to crowded places.

Incorrect combination 'is makes' is ungrammatical; remove 'is'. 'I would rather staying' should be 'I would rather stay' (modal 'would rather' followed by base verb). 'my home home' is repetition and 'the crowded place' should be plural or general 'crowded places'. Also use 'because' not 'cause' in formal correction. Suggestion: use 'makes' for third person singular subject and 'would rather' + base verb.

× I don't really like to see a lot of parks in my city because.

✓ I don't really want to see more parks in my city because...

Awkward phrasing: 'like to see a lot of parks' is unnatural here; use 'want to see more parks' or 'like having more parks'. The sentence also ends abruptly with 'because.' Suggestion: complete the reason clause and use 'more' to indicate additional parks.

× In my hometown there is an no parks in in that in here 'cause which is the small small town and I would rather.

✓ In my hometown there are no parks because it is a very small town.

'There is an no parks' mixes singular 'is an' with plural 'parks' and the negative 'no'. Use 'there are no parks' for plural. Remove extra filler words 'in in that in here' and replace with clear clause. 'small small' is repetition; use 'very small'. Suggestion: use 'there are no parks' and complete the sentence; avoid repeating words.

× I don't really have in Mongolia, there's only one designed to parks, designed parks everywhere.

✓ In Mongolia, we don't really have many parks; there is only one well-designed park.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. 'I don't really have in Mongolia' lacks object; subject should be 'In Mongolia, we don't really have many parks'. 'there's only one designed to parks, designed parks everywhere' is redundant and incorrect. Use 'only one well-designed park' to convey intended meaning. Suggestion: restructure sentence for clarity and correct noun forms.

× And there is a one, the park in the UPC which is the capital city is same identical to the northern or Western America.

✓ There is one park in Ulaanbaatar, the capital city, which is very similar to parks in North America or Western America.

'a one' is incorrect; use 'one'. 'the park in the UPC' is unclear—use 'Ulaanbaatar' or 'the capital city'. 'is same identical to' is redundant and ungrammatical; use 'is very similar to'. Also 'northern or Western America' should be 'North America or parts of Western America' but 'North America' suffices. Suggestion: use 'which is very similar to parks in North America' and correct article use.