公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Reduce hesitations and repetition, use a clear topic sentence and one or two specific supporting details. Keep it concise (max 4–5 short sentences) and avoid filler words like "uh". Use past tense consistently and provide a concrete example of a memory to sound natural and vivid.

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often played on the swings and slides with my friends, and my parents sometimes took us on picnics. I especially remember one picnic where we flew kites and had homemade sandwiches, which made the day very special.

建議: Start with a direct topic sentence. Reduce hesitations and correct grammar (e.g., "work" singular, "if I have free time"). Offer a brief reason and one specific example of what you would do at the park with family. Limit to 2–3 sentences for clarity.

範例: Not really, because I am very busy with my studies and work at the moment. However, if I have free time I like to visit a park with my family to have a picnic and play games with my younger cousins.

建議: Make a clear, grammatically correct statement and give a specific reason. Avoid vague phrases and unnecessary words like "funny." Use linking words (because, so) and give one concrete benefit (e.g., exercise, family outings). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

範例: Yes, I would. My city currently lacks traditional parks, so adding more green spaces would allow residents to exercise outdoors and spend quality time with family. This would improve people's health and create safer places for children to play.

建議: Use a clear topic sentence and correct phrasing (e.g., "parks located abroad"). Explain specifically what attracts you to those parks (activities, scenery). Remove fillers and avoid awkward timing expressions—say "in five years" or "after I graduate." Limit to 2–3 sentences.

範例: Yes, I'd like to visit parks abroad, especially famous national parks with scenic trails and wildlife. I plan to travel to such parks after I graduate in about five years to relax and experience nature in different countries.

× Yes, of course I mostly enjoyed uh, playing swings and slides with my uh, friends and sometimes my parents used to uh, take me to picnics and uh, it was very enjoyable memory that I can uh, memorize every time.

✓ Yes, of course. I mostly enjoyed playing on swings and slides with my friends, and sometimes my parents used to take me on picnics; those were very enjoyable memories that I can remember clearly.

Errors: incorrect preposition with 'playing swings' (should be 'playing on swings'), redundant fillers and hesitations removed, awkward phrase 'enjoyable memory that I can memorize every time' is incorrect: 'memorize' is wrong verb and singular 'memory' should be plural 'memories'. Use 'remember clearly' or 'cherish' instead. Also punctuation and sentence structure improved. Suggestion: use 'play on' for playground equipment, use 'take someone on a picnic', use 'remember' not 'memorize' for recalling experiences, and pluralize 'memories'.

× To be honest, not really because I'm busy with my works like umm, studying medicine, English, uh, but if I have a free time, uh, to go parks, uh, I will go with my family members because, uh, it will be very funny to go with them.

✓ To be honest, not really, because I'm busy with my work, such as studying medicine and English, but if I have free time to go to parks, I will go with my family because it will be a lot of fun.

Errors: 'works' should be singular 'work' when referring to someone's overall occupation or tasks. 'A free time' incorrect article; use 'free time' (uncountable). 'to go parks' missing preposition 'to' and plural mismatch; use 'go to parks' or 'go to a park'. 'family members' can be shortened to 'family'. 'very funny' is unnatural for enjoyment; use 'a lot of fun'. Suggestion: treat 'work' and 'free time' as uncountable and use correct prepositions and natural collocations.

× Yes, of course, as in my city there, uh, there aren't any conventional parks.

✓ Yes, of course; in my city there aren't any conventional parks.

Errors: redundant word order 'as in my city there, there' — remove extraneous 'there'. Use 'in my city there aren't any conventional parks' or 'there aren't any conventional parks in my city'. Suggestion: avoid repeating 'there' and keep the existential 'there is/are' in correct position.

× Uh, I will definitely very, uh pleased and very in enjoy to see more parks in my city because uh residents can go there in there for times and spend more time effective and enjoyable. Funny.

✓ I would definitely be very pleased and enjoy seeing more parks in my city because residents could go there more often and spend their time more effectively and enjoyably.

Errors: missing auxiliary 'be' after 'definitely' for adjective 'pleased' -> 'be pleased'. 'very in enjoy' is incorrect; use 'enjoy seeing'. 'residents can go there in there for times' contains wrong prepositions and word order; use 'go more often'. 'spend more time effective and enjoyable' uses incorrect adjective forms; use adverbs 'more effectively and enjoyably'. 'Funny' is misplaced and unclear. Suggestion: use correct verb forms, place adjectives/adverbs appropriately, and use 'more often' for frequency.

× In the future, I will definitely go, uh parks, which is located in abroad, uh, because there are lots of opportunities and chances that can recharge my battery uh, abroad.

✓ In the future, I will definitely visit parks located abroad because there are many opportunities that can recharge me while I am abroad.

Errors: incorrect insertion 'go, uh parks' and relative clause agreement 'parks, which is located' — 'parks' plural requires 'are located'. 'in abroad' is ungrammatical; use 'abroad' without preposition. 'lots of opportunities and chances' is redundant; use 'many opportunities'. 'recharge my battery' is informal metaphor; 'recharge me' or 'recharge my energy' is better. Suggestion: ensure subject-verb agreement in relative clauses, do not use 'in abroad', and simplify redundant phrases.

× And I'm planning to go there after five years later, uh, after I graduated school.

✓ And I'm planning to go there in five years, after I graduate from school.

Errors: redundant time expressions 'after five years later' — use 'in five years' or 'five years later', not both. Tense mismatch: 'after I graduated school' (simple past) is incorrect when referring to a future plan; use 'after I graduate from school' (simple present for future time clause) or 'after I have graduated'. Also add preposition 'from' after 'graduate'. Suggestion: use correct time expressions and use present tense in time clauses referring to future events.