公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more natural and fluent: avoid hesitations and unclear phrases (e.g., “I really count, uh, went out”). Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Correct grammar (use past tense consistently) and replace vague phrases with precise descriptions of the neighborhood. Keep to under five sentences.

範例: No, I didn’t like going to parks as a child. I preferred staying at home and playing video games because my neighborhood was noisy and lacked safe playgrounds. In addition, there were few green spaces nearby, so it wasn’t easy for my family to take me to a park.

建議: Clarify and expand briefly with coherent linking: state your main point, then explain why parks in other countries appeal to you with specific qualities (cleanliness, scenery, atmosphere). Avoid repetition and fillers (e.g., “the the”). Keep it concise and grammatical.

範例: Yes, I love going to parks now, although I prefer parks abroad. For example, parks in Switzerland or Canada are exceptionally clean, have well-maintained trails and lakes, and offer peaceful surroundings, so I feel relaxed and undisturbed when I visit them.

建議: Make the answer more coherent and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two concrete benefits of more parks (air quality, exercise space) with linking words. Replace unclear phrases (e.g., “the way to the luck for a parks and trees”) with precise explanations of how parks help athletes and citizens.

範例: Yes, I would. More parks would improve the city’s appearance and provide cleaner air and more oxygen. For instance, as an athlete I need places to train outdoors, and parks with trees and trails would make it easier for me to exercise in fresh air.

建議: Provide a clear topic sentence then give specific details about the parks you want to visit and why (features, activities). Avoid small grammatical mistakes (e.g., “a lots of trees”, “beauty scenery”). Use linking words to connect ideas and keep it within five sentences.

範例: Yes, I want to visit large parks with many trees and beautiful scenery in the future. For example, I would enjoy walking forest trails, having a picnic with my wife and family, and taking photos of the landscape because those activities help me relax and bond with loved ones.

× And I really count, uh, went out.

✓ And I really didn't go out much.

The original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. It seems the student intended to say they did not go out often. Use 'didn't go out much' to express negative past frequency. Also remove filler 'count' which is incorrect here. Use auxiliary 'did' for past negative verbs.

× The most important reason that was my area wasn't suitable for going out and having fun.

✓ The most important reason was that my area wasn't suitable for going out and having fun.

The original word order is wrong. Place the verb 'was' immediately after 'reason' and include 'that' to introduce the clause: 'The most important reason was that ...'. This creates a correct subject-linking verb-complement structure.

× Yes, I love going to parks, but not in my own country.

✓ Yes, I love going to parks, but not in my own country.

Sentence is grammatically acceptable. No article change needed. Keeping as is is fine. (No correction required.)

× For example, I wish I could travel to Switzerland or Canada.

✓ For example, I wish I could travel to Switzerland or Canada.

This sentence is correct as written; country names do not take articles here. No change needed.

× The the places there are very beautiful and clean.

✓ The places there are very beautiful and clean.

There is a duplicate definite article 'The the'. Remove the extra 'the' to correct the noun phrase. Otherwise the sentence is fine.

× The people don't bother you, they leave you alone.

✓ The people don't bother you; they leave you alone.

Grammatically the sentence is fine; replacing the comma with a semicolon or period improves punctuation but is not required by the list. No change to pronouns is needed.

× Yes, I hope so, because besides the beauty and the greening that will come to my city, there is the clean air and oxygen.

✓ Yes, I hope so, because besides the beauty and greening that will come to my city, there will be clean air and more oxygen.

Use 'there will be' to indicate future results ('will come' implies future benefits), and remove the definite article before 'clean air' and 'more oxygen' for natural phrasing. 'Greening' as a noun is acceptable; 'the greening' is possible but 'greening' without 'the' sounds more natural here.

× For example, as an athlete I suffer from the air I breathe the way to the luck for a parks and trees.

✓ For example, as an athlete I suffer because of the air I breathe; I long for parks and trees.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. 'Suffer from the air I breathe' needs 'because of' to show cause; 'the way to the luck for a parks and trees' is incorrect English. Replace with 'I long for parks and trees' to express desire. Use plural 'parks' and uncountable 'trees' appropriately.

× Yes there are.

✓ Yes, there are.

Add a comma after 'Yes' for natural writing. Sentence 'Yes, there are' is a correct short answer to 'Are there any parks you want to go to in the future?'. No further grammatical changes required.

× I would like to visit large parks in the future, especially once with a lots of trees and beauty scenery.

✓ I would like to visit large parks in the future, especially ones with lots of trees and beautiful scenery.

'Once' is wrong; use 'ones' to refer to parks. 'a lots of' is incorrect; use 'lots of' (no 'a'). 'Beauty scenery' is incorrect adjective order and word choice; use 'beautiful scenery.' These are article and adjective usage errors.

× I think they would be a great place to relax and spend time with my family, especially with my wife.

✓ I think they would be a great place to relax and spend time with my family, especially with my wife.

Sentence is grammatical and clear. Pronoun 'they' correctly refers to 'large parks.' No correction needed.