公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be clearer and more grammatical: start with a direct topic sentence, then add 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words. Correct verb forms and choice of words (e.g., “I liked going to parks as a child,” “play games,” “enjoy the fresh air”). Keep it natural and avoid repetition.

範例: I liked going to parks as a child. For example, I often went with my friends and family to play games on the grass, and we enjoyed the fresh air. Because it was peaceful, we made many memorable moments together.

建議: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence and fix word choice and grammar. Use linking words to add one specific reason and one short example. Avoid unclear words (e.g., “bath,” “Fred's Bay”) and use correct adjectives and verb forms.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. For instance, I often meet friends there to chat and relax because the open space is peaceful and helps me unwind after work.

建議: Respond directly to the question asked (about more parks) rather than repeating a previous answer. Provide a reason and an example using linking words such as “because” or “for example.” Use correct nouns and adjectives and avoid repeated sentences.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide green spaces for relaxation and exercise. For example, additional small neighborhood parks would make it easier for families to spend time outdoors without traveling far.

建議: Give a focused topic sentence and specific details. Correct grammar and vocabulary (e.g., “parks in other countries,” “learn about their culture and traditions,” “see new sights,” “broaden my horizons”). Use linking words to explain reasons and add a short example of a place you want to visit.

範例: Yes, I would like to visit parks in other countries to learn about local culture and traditions. For example, I hope to see the public gardens in Japan to observe different plants and design styles, which would broaden my horizons.

× Yes, when it was more.

✓ Yes, when I was younger.

The original sentence uses 'it was more' which is incorrect and unclear. The speaker intends to refer to earlier age, so use 'I was younger' to match present tense context and convey meaning clearly. Suggestion: replace vague 'it was more' with time expressions like 'when I was young' or 'when I was a child'.

× I very like to go to parks with my friends or my family and begin playing game on the grass and enjoy fresh air.

✓ I really like going to parks with my friends or my family; we start playing games on the grass and enjoy the fresh air.

The phrase 'I very like' is incorrect word order; 'very' does not modify 'like' in this context. Use 'really like' or 'enjoy' and the gerund 'going'. 'Begin playing game' should be 'start playing games' and 'enjoy fresh air' needs the definite article 'the' as a general reference. Suggestion: use 'really like going', 'start playing games', and 'enjoy the fresh air'.

× It's very relaxed and comfortable and we can have many memorable moments.

✓ It's very relaxing and comfortable, and we can have many memorable moments.

The adjective 'relaxed' describes a person, while 'relaxing' describes something that causes relaxation (the park). Use 'relaxing' to describe the park. Also add a comma before the conjunction for clarity. Suggestion: distinguish between 'relaxed' (feeling) and 'relaxing' (causing that feeling).

× Yes going to bath still the habit I very like because I can go out with my friends and enjoy the Fred's Bay.

✓ Yes, going to the park is still a habit I really like because I can go out with my friends and enjoy Fred's Bay.

The original has multiple structure errors: missing commas, incorrect noun 'bath' instead of 'park', missing article before 'habit', and awkward word order. 'I very like' should be 'I really like'. Remove unnecessary 'the' before a proper name if the name is 'Fred's Bay' without 'the'. Suggestion: correct nouns and use natural word order: 'going to the park is still a habit I really like'.

× It also peaceful and relax for me.

✓ It is also peaceful and relaxing for me.

Missing auxiliary verb 'is' and mismatch between 'relax' (verb) and adjective form 'relaxing'. Use 'peaceful' and 'relaxing' to describe the place. Suggestion: include 'is' and use 'relaxing' when describing something that makes you relaxed.

× Yes going to bath still the habit I very like because I can go out with my friends and enjoy the Fred's Bay.

✓ Yes, going to the park is still a habit I really like because I can go out with my friends and enjoy Fred's Bay.

Duplicate sentence in transcript; same corrections apply. Ensure correct nouns, articles, and adverb placement as above.

× I want to go to the park other other countries so I can explore many cultural and traditional of their countries and I see many new blacks and broaden my horizon.

✓ I want to go to parks in other countries so I can explore many cultural traditions of those countries, see many new things, and broaden my horizons.

Multiple errors: 'the park other other countries' should be 'parks in other countries'; duplicated 'other'. 'Explore many cultural and traditional of their countries' is ungrammatical — use 'cultural traditions of those countries'. 'I see many new blacks' is unclear and likely meant 'see many new things' or 'meet new people'. 'Broaden my horizon' should be plural 'horizons'. Suggestions: use plural forms where general, 'in other countries', 'cultural traditions', 'see new things', and 'broaden my horizons'.