公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Focus on a clear topic sentence and give specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and filler words. Use linking words to connect ideas and correct tense/grammar (e.g., 'went' instead of 'got'). Keep answer concise (1–3 sentences).

範例: Yes. I used to go to the park every week with my mother because she wanted me to be close to nature. I remember walking among the trees and playing on the swings, which always made me feel calm and happy.

建議: Start with a direct statement and then add specific routines or reasons using linking words. Remove repetition and use natural phrases (e.g., 'switch off' is fine but use 'unwind' or 'relax' too). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax after work or studying. For example, I try to visit at least three times a week to walk with friends or sometimes to sit alone and read, which helps me unwind.

建議: Provide a clear opinion and support it with specific reasons and examples. Avoid stammering and repetition; use linking words like 'because' and 'for example'. Correct grammar (e.g., 'my city is working on expanding parks').

範例: Yes, I would. My city is currently expanding its park spaces, which is great because more parks encourage people to be active. For example, new parks provide safe places for jogging, group exercise, and family outings.

建議: Answer directly naming a specific park or type of park you want to visit, and give clear reasons why. Avoid vague language and fillers. Use one topic sentence and one or two supporting sentences with linking words like 'because' or 'for example'.

範例: Yes, I would like to visit the new central park that is being built in my city because I heard it will be much larger and have new walking trails. I think it will be a great place to exercise and relax with friends.

× When I was a child, I got every I got every week to park because my mom wants to build a with a nature. Uh, because the nature is uh, because nature reflects on our mood and in mind.

✓ When I was a child, I went to the park every week because my mom wanted to be with nature, since nature affects our mood and mind.

Sentence was disfluent and contained several structure and word choice problems. 'got every I got every week to park' is incorrect word order and verb choice; correct is 'went to the park every week'. 'my mom wants to build a with a nature' mixes verbs and nouns; intended meaning is 'my mom wanted to be with nature' (past tense to match 'When I was a child'). 'the nature' is unnecessary article and repetition 'because the nature is uh, because nature' is redundant; use 'since nature affects our mood and mind'. Suggestion: simplify clauses, use correct verb 'went', match past tense, and remove redundant words.

× I'm really into continue with the nature. The nature gives me a switch off from work or study. So I try at least three, three times a week, hang out with my friends, our families, for example, or sometimes I sometimes I go alone.

✓ I'm really into being close to nature. Nature helps me switch off from work or study, so I try to hang out with my friends or family at least three times a week, though sometimes I go alone.

Errors: 'continue with the nature' is ungrammatical; use noun phrase 'being close to nature' or 'spending time in nature' (present habit). 'The nature' should be 'Nature' or 'nature' without 'the'. 'gives me a switch off' is incorrect collocation; use 'helps me switch off'. Word order and redundancy: 'So I try at least three, three times a week, hang out' should be 'I try to hang out ... at least three times a week'. Remove duplicate 'sometimes I'. Suggestion: use natural collocations, correct article use, and order the infinitive 'try to hang out'.

× Yes, honestly, my country is uh, work on extend, extend parks and uh, all on our, in our city. So, uh, it's helped us uh, to become more active or become more, umm, to do exercise, uh, or walk around, uh, uh, park.

✓ Yes, honestly, my country is working on expanding parks in our cities. This helps us become more active and do more exercise, such as walking in parks.

Problems: 'is uh, work on extend, extend parks' mixes tenses and forms; correct present continuous 'is working on expanding parks'. 'all on our, in our city' unclear; use 'in our cities' or 'in our city'. 'it's helped us' should be present simple 'this helps us' when stating general benefits. Article use: 'walk around, uh, uh, park' should be 'walking in parks' or 'walking around the park' depending on meaning. Suggestion: use 'working on expanding', prefer plural 'parks' or 'cities' to match generalization, and use present simple for general facts.

× Because, uh, I progressed as a child their parts in the future, but now work on, uh, work on it, uh, because I heard, umm, it will be uh, more, umm, uh, more big. So it will, uh, it's, uh, will give me, it will be, give me umm, uh.

✓ When I was a child I used to go to local parks, and in the future they are planning to improve them. I heard they will be larger, which I think will be great for me.

Original is incoherent: 'I progressed as a child their parts in the future' is ungrammatical. Determine intended meaning: speaker meant childhood visits and future park improvements. Use 'used to go' for past habit. 'they are planning to improve them' expresses future plans (present continuous for arranged/planned projects). 'more big' is incorrect comparative; use 'larger' or 'bigger'. Avoid filler words and redundant 'it will, uh, it's, uh, will give me'. Suggestion: state past habit clearly, use correct comparative adjectives, and use present continuous for planned developments.

× my mom wants to build a with a nature.

✓ my mom wanted to be with nature.

Phrase is ungrammatical and mixes verbs/nouns. 'wants' should be past 'wanted' to match past context, and 'build a with a nature' is incorrect; use 'be with nature' or 'spend time in nature'. Suggestion: ensure verb tense matches context and use appropriate verb for the intended meaning (be/spend rather than build).

× So, uh, it's helped us uh, to become more active or become more, umm, to do exercise, uh, or walk around, uh, uh, park.

✓ So it helps us become more active and do more exercise, such as walking in parks.

'it's helped us' (it has helped) is acceptable if referring to completed effect, but here general fact uses present simple 'it helps'. Also original mixes singular/plural and article use ('park' vs 'parks'). Use verb form that agrees with general statement and match noun number. Suggestion: choose present simple for general truths and plural nouns when speaking generally.