公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be concise and use past tense consistently for childhood experiences. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and improve grammar (e.g., "I didn’t like going to parks when I was a child because I had atopic dermatitis, which made me avoid open spaces and animals").

範例: I didn’t like going to parks when I was a child because I had atopic dermatitis. As a result, I avoided open spaces and animals like dogs and cats to prevent flare-ups.

建議: Use present tense and link past reasons to current habits with a clear connector. Keep it natural and avoid awkward phrasing like "once the habit... it never changed." Provide one concise reason and, if helpful, a brief consequence.

範例: I still don’t like going to parks because my childhood habit of avoiding them has continued, and I still have atopic dermatitis that makes me wary of outdoor spaces.

建議: Answer directly and clearly. Avoid vague or contradictory phrases. State your personal view and then give a short reason with linking words (e.g., "However," "because"). Be specific about whose needs you consider and why.

範例: I don’t have a strong opinion because I’ve rarely used parks myself. However, I think the city should consider creating more parks if families and children want safe, well-maintained outdoor spaces.

建議: Keep sentences concise and use natural phrasing. Start with a direct response, then give a specific reason with linking words. Avoid redundant clauses like "whether my allergic reactions would flare up or not."

範例: No, I don’t plan to visit parks soon. There is a garden in my neighbourhood, but I avoid it because I’m concerned my allergies might flare up.

× No, I do not like going to parks as a child because when I was small I had atopic dermatitis which restricts me from going into open spaces, especially which might have insects or pet animals such as dogs or cats.

✓ No, I did not like going to parks as a child because when I was small I had atopic dermatitis which restricted me from going into open spaces, especially those that might have insects or pet animals such as dogs or cats.

The sentence mixes present tense ('do not like', 'restricts') with past context ('as a child', 'when I was small'). Use past tense to describe past feelings and conditions: 'did not like' and 'restricted'. Also replace 'which might' with 'those that might' for correct reference to 'open spaces'. Suggestion: Maintain consistent past tense when referring to childhood experiences and use 'those that' to refer to plural places.

× No, I do not like going to the parks now because once the habit of not going was set it never changed and I still have atopic dermatitis which restricts me from going into parks.

✓ No, I do not like going to parks now because once the habit of not going was set it never changed and I still have atopic dermatitis which restricts me from going to parks.

Main clause correctly uses present tense ('do not like') for present preference, but article use 'the parks' is unnecessary; use 'parks' generally. The rest is fine with present perfect idea expressed by 'was set' and 'never changed'. Maintain consistent reference: 'going to parks' rather than 'going into parks'. Suggestion: Use 'parks' without 'the' for general statements and 'going to parks' for idiomatic phrasing.

× Actually, I do not have a perfect opinion regarding this because I have never been to parks before and as a matter of fact that whether they should be parks or not, it should.

✓ Actually, I do not have a definite opinion regarding this because I have never been to parks before, and as a matter of fact, whether there should be parks or not depends on the children of the community.

The original contains awkward structure and incorrect clause order: 'as a matter of fact that whether they should be parks or not, it should' is ungrammatical. Rephrase to 'whether there should be parks or not depends on...' Also replace 'perfect opinion' with 'definite opinion' and 'society' with 'community' for clarity. Suggestion: Use clear subject-verb structure: 'whether X or not depends on Y'.

× It should be completely dependent on the children of the society that whether they are comfortable with parks, as I was not when I was a child.

✓ It should completely depend on the children of the community and whether they are comfortable with parks, as I was not when I was a child.

Use 'depend on' rather than 'be dependent on' for natural phrasing, and 'children of the society' is unnatural — use 'children of the community'. Also restructure clause order: 'depend on ... and whether ...' avoids the awkward 'that whether'. Suggestion: Use natural collocations: 'depend on' and 'children of the community'.

× No, I do not want to go to any parks in the near future.

✓ No, I do not want to go to any parks in the near future.

Sentence is correct. Present tense 'do not want' appropriately expresses current preference about the future. No changes needed.

× There is a garden in my society itself and I have never been to that garden wholeheartedly because I was always afraid that whether my allergic reactions would flare up or not.

✓ There is a garden in my community, but I have never gone there wholeheartedly because I was always afraid that my allergic reactions might flare up.

'In my society itself' is awkward; use 'in my community'. 'Been to that garden wholeheartedly' is unnatural; use 'gone there wholeheartedly'. Remove 'that whether' and use 'afraid that my allergic reactions might flare up' to express possibility. Use 'might' or 'would' consistently for possibility. Suggestion: Simplify phrasing and avoid redundant words like 'that whether'.

× And I'm still sensitive to gardens and outdoor spaces.

✓ And I'm still sensitive to gardens and outdoor spaces.

Sentence is grammatically correct: present tense 'I'm still sensitive' correctly conveys a current ongoing condition. No change required.