公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense and vocabulary (e.g. 'loved' not 'love'), avoid filler words (uh), and clarify expressions ('wind down' instead of 'wipe down'). Add one specific detail about activities to enrich the answer and use a linking word.

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. They were perfect places to wind down after studying and to meet friends; for example, we often played football on the grass or had picnics under the trees.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence and correct grammar (subject-verb agreement, tense). Replace unclear phrases ('burn day at burned out day') with 'when I’m stressed' or 'to relieve stress'. Avoid trailing off; finish your thought and add a concrete example of recent activity. Use a linking word when adding the reason.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy parks, but now I prefer ones with playgrounds or sports areas because they help me relieve stress. For example, last weekend my boyfriend and I played frisbee on the lawn, which really cheered me up.

建議: Respond directly and use precise vocabulary (e.g. 'green spaces' not 'green place'; 'expensive' not 'cost many money'). Correct grammar and reduce repetition. Provide a specific reason and one example of how parks would help, using a linking word to connect ideas.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more green spaces in my city because there are too many coffee shops and shopping areas that feel crowded and expensive. For instance, a nearby park would give me a quiet place to jog or read and unwind after work.

建議: Be specific and coherent: name the park and give clear reasons why you want to visit. Correct grammar (Disneyland 'is' and 'has many attractions'), avoid vague or repetitive phrases, and finish the sentence with a concrete plan or what you expect to do there. Use linking words to connect reasons.

範例: I would love to visit Disneyland in the future because it has beautiful themed areas and many attractions. For example, I hope to try the rides, watch the parades, and maybe camp nearby during a holiday trip abroad.

× Absolutely, yes. Uh, during my childhood, I really love to go to parks because this is a really good place for me to, uh, wipe down after a stressful day of studying and to meet my friends.

✓ Absolutely, yes. During my childhood, I really loved going to parks because they were a really good place for me to unwind after a stressful day of studying and to meet my friends.

The student uses present tense ('love') when describing a past habitual action; because the time frame is 'during my childhood' the past tense should be used (loved). Also 'go to parks' as a habitual past action is more natural as 'going to parks'. 'Wipe down' is incorrect collocation; use 'unwind' or 'relax'. 'This is a really good place for myself' has pronoun and demonstrative issues; change to 'they were a really good place for me'. Suggestion: use past tense for past time references and choose common collocations like 'unwind'.

× And yeah, this is a really green place for myself.

✓ And yeah, it was a really green place for me.

The reflexive/oblique pronoun 'myself' is incorrect here; 'me' is the appropriate object pronoun. Also the sentence refers to childhood, so past tense 'was' fits. Suggestion: use 'me' instead of 'myself' and match tense to context.

× Yes, of course, but today I prefer some place which have a playground or somewhere to play with my boyfriend, for example, because it's really, really help me on a burn day at burned out day.

✓ Yes, of course, but today I prefer places that have a playground or somewhere to play with my boyfriend, for example, because they really help me on a burned-out day.

'Some place which have' has number disagreement and incorrect quantifier; use plural 'places that have' for general preference. 'It's really, really help me' mixes singular subject with plural verb form; use 'they really help me' to agree with 'places'. 'Burn day at burned out day' is ungrammatical; the correct phrase is 'a burned-out day' meaning a day when one feels burned out. Suggestion: ensure noun and verb number agree and use standard phrases like 'a burned-out day'.

× And it's also help me to, uh.

✓ And it also helps me to relax.

'It's also help me' is incorrect because third-person singular requires the verb to have -s: 'helps'. The sentence is incomplete; add an appropriate infinitive like 'to relax' to complete the idea. Suggestion: for he/she/it use 'verb+s' in present simple and complete the clause.

× Of course I want to see more green place in my city because now it's really much, much many, uh, coffee shops or shopping place, which cost many, many money.

✓ Of course I want to see more green places in my city because now there are many coffee shops and shopping areas, which cost a lot of money.

'More green place' needs plural 'green places'. 'It's really much, much many' mixes quantifiers incorrectly; use 'there are many'. 'Shopping place' is better as 'shopping areas' or 'shopping centers'. 'Which cost many, many money' is incorrect: use 'cost a lot of money' or 'are expensive'. Suggestion: use correct pluralization and standard quantifiers ('many', 'a lot of') and use natural noun phrases.

× But sometimes I just want to find some place to, uh, relax, to wipe down.

✓ But sometimes I just want to find a place to relax and unwind.

'Some place' should be 'a place' for a single unspecified location. 'Wipe down' is incorrect; the intended meaning is 'unwind' or 'relax'. Use infinitive 'to relax' followed by 'and unwind' for parallel structure. Suggestion: choose appropriate verbs and keep parallel infinitives.

× In the future I want to go to Disneyland park which is really beautiful and have many place to go and this is the a board place and that's it I have never thought about and I have never camped in some place in the park and the aboard overseas.

✓ In the future I want to go to Disneyland Park, which is really beautiful and has many places to visit. It is a big resort, and I have never thought about it before. I have never camped in a park or travelled abroad.

Multiple errors: tense and subject-verb agreement ('have many place' should be 'has many places'), article errors ('the a board place' is garbled; likely meant 'a board place' or 'aboard'—clarify to 'a big resort' or 'a large park'), and awkward phrasing 'I have never thought about' needs an object. 'I have never camped in some place in the park and the aboard overseas' mixes nouns and prepositions incorrectly; correct to 'I have never camped in a park or travelled abroad.' Suggestions: break long run-on sentence into clear sentences, ensure subject-verb agreement, use correct articles and prepositions ('in a park', 'abroad'), and use consistent tense (present perfect for experiences).