公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question (e.g., Yes or No), then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and correct small grammatical errors (e.g., 'there wasn't an actual park' not 'there's no an actual park'). Use linking words if you add a reason.

範例: No, I didn’t, because there wasn’t a proper park near our home in the Philippines. Instead, we usually played on the street, which wasn’t ideal for safety or for games like soccer.

建議: Start with a direct answer (Yes/No) and give one clear, specific reason. Avoid repeating previous information; briefly reference it if needed. Improve grammar: 'I would like to go to parks, especially to ease my mind and relax.' Use a linking phrase such as 'because' to connect reason.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and clear my mind. Although parks are rare in my city, whenever I visit one I like to sit under the trees and unwind.

建議: Give a concise answer and provide a specific reason or suggestion. Fix grammar and repetition: say 'Yes, I would like more parks because they improve safety and offer spaces for children.' Instead of 'call the attention', say 'appeal to local officials' and propose one practical idea. Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example.'

範例: Yes, I would. More parks would make neighborhoods safer and provide places for families to exercise. For example, I would appeal to local officials to convert unused lots into small playgrounds and community gardens.

建議: Answer directly and add a specific reason and a brief detail about the park. Keep it within two or three sentences and avoid overlong clauses. Improve verb forms: 'my mother works there' or 'is working there' consistently. Use linking words such as 'because' or 'for example.'

範例: Yes, I’d like to visit parks in Switzerland because my mother works there and often sends me photos of beautiful green spaces. For example, she recently sent pictures of a lakeside park with walking paths that I’d love to see in person.

× Actually, growing up, there's no an actual park here in the Philippines and it's just so sad.

✓ Actually, growing up, there wasn't an actual park here in the Philippines, and it was just so sad.

The original uses 'there's' (there is) with 'growing up' which refers to the past. Use the past 'there wasn't' to match past time. Also remove the incorrect article order 'no an' and replace with 'wasn't an'. Combine with past 'was' for 'it was just so sad' to keep tense consistency.

× As I have said, there's no actual park here in the Philippines, but yes, I would like to go to park for especially for easing my mind and just relaxing.

✓ As I have said, there isn't an actual park here in the Philippines, but yes, I would like to go to a park, especially to ease my mind and relax.

The speaker refers to the present, so use 'there isn't' not 'there's no'. Also 'no actual park' with 'there's' was ungrammatical; use 'there isn't an actual park'. Add the article 'a' before 'park'. Use 'especially to ease my mind and relax' instead of 'for especially for easing my mind and just relaxing' to correct preposition use and verb forms.

× Of course, especially that is much more safer and I would like to call the attention of our government officials in order for them to make one, because as I have said, it's much more safer.

✓ Of course, especially if it were much safer, I would like to call the attention of our government officials to ask them to make one, because, as I have said, it would be much safer.

The original misuses 'especially that is' and repeats 'much more safer' which is nonstandard (safer is comparative; 'more safer' is redundant). Change clause to 'if it were much safer' to express condition, and use 'would be much safer'. Use 'call the attention of' -> 'call the attention of our government officials to ask them' for clearer purpose and correct preposition 'to' rather than 'in order for them to'.

× Yes, and that would be in Switzerland because my mother is working there and she's always updating me that she is in the park and she's sending me a lot of pictures and it's just so beautiful.

✓ Yes, and that would be in Switzerland because my mother works there; she often tells me when she is in a park and sends me lots of pictures, and it is just so beautiful.

Use 'works' (present simple) for habitual situation instead of 'is working' which suggests temporary ongoing action; both are possible, but present simple is clearer for habitual employment. Change 'she's always updating me that she is in the park' to 'she often tells me when she is in a park' to correct awkward phrasing. Use 'sends me lots of pictures' (present simple) for habitual action and 'it is' instead of contractions to maintain formality. Also 'a park' fits better than 'the park' because not a specific park.