公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and correct minor grammatical issues. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid overly long or slightly awkward phrases (e.g. “freshly cooked ramen” is fine but “beside the Riverside” should be “by the riverside”). Use a linking word to show the additional detail.

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks with my family. For example, we often ate freshly cooked ramen by the riverside and did simple games and picnics on the grass.

建議: Make the response grammatically accurate and concise. Use a topic sentence then one or two clear supporting details. Correct verb forms and plural nouns (e.g. “we try some boats and kayak” → “we try boating and kayaking”). Use a linking word to connect reason and examples.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy parks, especially with friends. For instance, my best friend likes outdoor activities, so we often go boating and kayaking together.

建議: Clarify and correct repetitions and unclear phrases. Start with a clear statement, then give a specific example and reason. Avoid repetitions (“try try”) and awkward phrasing (“I would love to see myself” — unclear). Use linking words like “for example” correctly.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because I enjoy exploring new green spaces. For example, a friend told me about a place called Yoyo Park, and I would love to visit it to see what activities they offer.

建議: Correct tense and phrasing, and be specific. Use a clear topic sentence about desire to revisit, then add one concrete detail about why (what you liked). Fix grammar: “I was fell in love in the park” → “I fell in love with a park in Melbourne” and “specific part” → “park.”

範例: Yes, I would like to revisit a park in Melbourne that I loved when I was in Australia. I enjoyed its coastal views and relaxed atmosphere, so I would definitely go back if I have the chance.

× We used to have some freshly cooked ramen while watching the great scenery beside the Riverside and also we had some outdoor activities at the green spaces.

✓ We used to have freshly cooked ramen while watching the great scenery beside the riverside and also we had outdoor activities in the green spaces.

The articles 'some' before uncountable noun 'ramen' and before 'outdoor activities' are unnecessary; removing them sounds more natural. 'Riverside' should be lowercase unless part of a proper name, and 'beside the riverside' is acceptable. Use 'in the green spaces' rather than 'at the green spaces' to indicate location within areas.

× Since I became an adult, I have one best friend who is fond of trying various outdoor activities, so we try some boats and kayak.

✓ Since I became an adult, I have one best friend who is fond of trying various outdoor activities, so we try boats and kayaking.

'Try some boats and kayak' is incorrect. For activities, use 'try boats' or 'go boating' and use the gerund 'kayaking' for the sport. Also 'some' is unnecessary before 'boats'.

× Yes, I would welcome the chance to try try different parks that I ever that I've never visited before.

✓ Yes, I would welcome the chance to try different parks that I've never visited before.

Remove duplicate word 'try'. 'That I ever that I've never visited before' is redundant and ungrammatical; use 'that I've never visited before'. No article issues beyond redundancy; corrected sentence preserves tense and meaning.

× For instance, I heard some parts called Yoyo parks from my friend and I would love to see myself.

✓ For instance, I heard about some places called Yoyo Parks from my friend and I would love to see them myself.

Use 'heard about' rather than 'heard ... from' to introduce information. 'Parts' is incorrect; use 'places'. 'Yoyo parks' likely a proper noun so capitalize 'Parks'. 'See myself' is wrong pronoun/reflexive use; use 'see them myself' to indicate visiting those places.

× I was fell in love in the park in Melbourne when I was in Australia with my friends, so if I had a chance I would definitely revisit that specific part again.

✓ I fell in love with a park in Melbourne when I was in Australia with my friends, so if I had the chance I would definitely revisit that park.

'Was fell' is incorrect; use simple past 'fell'. The verb 'fall in love' takes the preposition 'with' not 'in'. 'A park' is appropriate unless specifying a known park; 'that specific part' is unclear and wrong word choice, use 'that park'. Use 'the chance' rather than 'a chance' for a hypothetical; 'again' is redundant with 'revisit'.