公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and add one specific detail to support your answer. Use a linking word if you add an extra detail.

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My parents often took me there on weekends, and I felt excited because I could play on the swings and run around with my friends.

建議: Correct vocabulary and grammar ("pugs" → "parks"). Begin with a direct statement, then use a linking word to add a reason. Avoid repetition and long, unclear clauses.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they are peaceful and full of fresh air. Moreover, since my city is very crowded and polluted, parks offer a calm escape where I can relax and breathe easily.

建議: Make one clear sentence then add one or two concise supporting details using linking words. Remove hesitation words and avoid repeating the same idea.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. For example, more parks would allow me to learn about different plants and enjoy nature, which I find both relaxing and educational.

建議: Provide a clear topic sentence with correct grammar and fewer hesitations. Give one or two specific details (size, features, activities) and use linking words to connect ideas.

範例: Yes, I plan to visit Dineshwar Park, which is about five kilometres from my house. It is very large and has many flower beds and tree species, so I hope to walk there and study the different plants.

× Yeah, when I was a child, I was. I feel very excited when when my mother and father would plan to take me to a park.

✓ Yeah, when I was a child, I was. I felt very excited when my mother and father planned to take me to a park.

The sentence mixes present tense 'feel' with past context 'when I was a child'. Use past tense 'felt' to match the time frame. Also 'would plan' is acceptable for repeated past actions but 'planned' is simpler and clearer. Suggestion: keep verbs in the same time frame; change 'feel' to 'felt' and 'would plan' to 'planned'.

× Of course, I really like pugs because it's very natural.

✓ Of course, I really like parks because they are very natural.

The student likely meant 'parks' not 'pugs' (wrong word). Also 'it's' (singular) doesn't agree with plural 'parks'; use 'they are'. Suggestion: correct the word to 'parks' and match plural subject with 'they are' or use 'a park is' for singular.

× There's there's fresh air.

✓ There is fresh air.

The sentence repeats 'there's' twice, which is redundant. Use a single 'There is' to introduce existence. Suggestion: remove duplicate word and speak 'There is fresh air.'

× As we are living in our country where traffic is, there is too much traffic and congestion is there, then the park and the nature plays a very important role in our life.

✓ Because we live in a country with heavy traffic and congestion, parks and nature play a very important role in our lives.

This sentence is wordy and has awkward structure: unnecessary 'is' and 'there', subject-verb agreement error ('park and the nature plays' should be 'parks and nature play'). Use clear cause ('Because'), plural subjects with plural verb, and plural 'lives'. Suggestion: simplify the clause and ensure subject-verb agreement.

× Yeah, of course I will. I would. I would like to explore all the parks because I love trees, I love plants and in park I can see different types of plant and trees and I can explore them and I can have, I can find knowledge, some knowledge about them.

✓ Yes, of course I would. I would like to explore all the parks because I love trees and plants, and in parks I can see different types of plants and trees, explore them, and learn about them.

Mixed future/modal phrases 'I will. I would.' are inconsistent; choose 'I would' to express desire. Use plural 'parks' and plural nouns 'plants'. Remove repetition ('I can have, I can find knowledge') and use 'learn about them'. Suggestion: use consistent modal verb for desire and correct plural forms.

× Yeah, there is a park nearby my house, it's 5 kilometer from my house that, that is Dineshwar Park.

✓ Yes, there is a park near my house; it is 5 kilometers from my house. It is called Dineshwar Park.

Use 'near' not 'nearby my house' (better: 'near my house' or 'nearby'). '5 kilometer' should be plural '5 kilometers'. Clarify naming with 'called'. Suggestion: use correct preposition, pluralize units, and split into clearer sentences.

× It's very huge. The area is very, uh, very, uh, long area and it, it have too many plants, too many flowers, different type of flowers.

✓ It is very large. The area is extensive, and it has many plants and many different types of flowers.

'Huge' is acceptable but 'very huge' is redundant; 'large' or 'very large' is better. 'Long area' is awkward; use 'extensive'. Subject-verb agreement error: 'it have' should be 'it has'. 'Different type of flowers' should be 'different types of flowers'. Suggestion: avoid redundancy, use appropriate adjectives, ensure subject-verb agreement, and pluralize 'types'.

× And, uh, in that I can see different type of, uh, plants and trees and I can learn.

✓ There I can see different types of plants and trees, and I can learn about them.

Use 'There' or 'In that park' instead of 'in that'. 'Different type' should be plural 'different types'. Add 'about them' to clarify what you learn. Suggestion: use clearer location phrase, pluralize 'types', and complete the object of 'learn'.