公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details. Avoid filler sounds (e.g., ‘Umm’) and unclear phrases (e.g., ‘Most of the children and siblings were’). Use linking words like ‘for example’ or ‘we usually’ to make your answer coherent.

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. We often had family picnics there, bringing homemade food and setting up a small tent to relax. For example, my siblings and I would play games near the swings while our parents prepared lunch.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence and support it with specific reasons and a linking phrase. Avoid tense errors and repetition. Use one or two sentences of supporting detail (reason, example) and a concluding remark.

範例: Not as much as before. Nowadays I go to parks mainly to relax and get fresh air rather than to use playground equipment; for instance, I enjoy walking or sitting on a bench and reading. Therefore, I visit parks occasionally for peace and exercise.

建議: Start with a direct answer (yes/no) then explain with specific reasons. Correct grammar (e.g., ‘recently built’, ‘I haven’t had much time’). Avoid repetition and keep it within 2–3 sentences with linking words like ‘because’ or ‘so’.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide green spaces for recreation. I plan to visit some recently built parks, but I haven’t had much time recently, so I hope to go there next month.

建議: Answer directly and simply. Avoid unclear vocabulary (“pockets”, “novel parks”) and religious fillers unless necessary. Use correct verb forms and linking words: state whether you have a specific park in mind, then give a reason or plan. Keep it to two sentences maximum.

範例: I don’t have a specific park in mind right now, but I’m interested in visiting new parks that the government plans to build. If a new park opens nearby, I will definitely try to visit it to see the facilities and enjoy the green space.

× Yes, I often went to the park with my family as a child. Umm, always.

✓ Yes, I often went to the park with my family when I was a child. I always enjoyed it.

The original sentence repeats tense and phrasing awkwardly. 'As a child' is acceptable but 'when I was a child' is more natural in past-tense narration. Adding 'enjoyed it' clarifies meaning and completes the idea. Use past simple consistently for past habits.

× We brought so many delicious foods and we were just having our own tent in the park.

✓ We brought a lot of delicious food and set up our own tent in the park.

'Many' is used with countable nouns; 'food' is uncountable so use 'a lot of' or 'much'. 'Delicious foods' is awkward here. Also 'we were just having our own tent' mixes progressive tense inappropriately; 'set up our own tent' is clearer and matches past simple narrative.

× Most of the children and siblings were.

✓ Most of the children and their siblings were there.

The original fragment lacks a main verb or complement and is incomplete. Adding 'there' completes the sentence: 'Most of the children and their siblings were there.' Also clarifying 'their siblings' avoids ambiguity.

× To be honest, I am no longer into visiting parks anymore.

✓ To be honest, I'm no longer into visiting parks.

'No longer' and 'anymore' are redundant when used together. Use one: 'no longer' fits formal speech. Contraction 'I'm' is optional but natural in spoken English.

× When I was a child, I love it because we were using the playground.

✓ When I was a child, I loved it because we used the playground.

Mixing past ('was') with present ('love') is incorrect. Use past tense 'loved'. 'Were using' suggests continuous action but simple past 'used' is cleaner for habitual past activities.

× We were playing swings and slides.

✓ We used the swings and slides.

'Playing swings and slides' is incorrect collocation. Use 'use' or 'play on' with playground equipment: 'We used the swings and slides' or 'We played on the swings and slides.' Also prefer simple past for habitual past.

× But when you grow up, you don't use those things.

✓ But when you grow up, you don't use those things anymore.

In context the student shifts from first person to second person generalization; that's acceptable but adding 'anymore' clarifies the cessation of use. If speaking about self, use 'I don't use those things anymore.' Consistency in pronoun perspective is recommended.

× You just need a clean and fresh air.

✓ You just need clean, fresh air.

'Air' is uncountable, so do not use the article 'a'. Use adjectives before the noun without 'a'. Also separate adjectives with a comma if both modify the noun equally.

× That's what you go to the park for.

✓ That's what you go to the park for.

Sentence is grammatically acceptable. No correction needed. It correctly expresses purpose.

× I like experience seeing new parks in the future.

✓ I would like to experience seeing new parks in the future.

The original mixes present 'like' with an infinitive phrase incorrectly. Use 'would like to' to express future desire. Alternatively, 'I would like to visit new parks in the future' is even clearer.

× I have planned to go to some parks that are recently builded in our city, but I haven't much time to go.

✓ I have planned to go to some parks that were recently built in our city, but I haven't had much time to go.

'Builded' is incorrect past participle; use 'built'. 'Recently' pairs with present perfect or simple past; 'were recently built' is natural. 'I haven't much time' is missing 'had' in present perfect context; use 'haven't had much time.' Maintain tense consistency.

× I haven't the opportunity the opportunity to go there.

✓ I haven't had the opportunity to go there.

The original repeats the phrase and omits 'had'. Correct form is 'haven't had the opportunity' (present perfect). Remove duplication and include 'had'.

× Where there isn't any specific pockets that I would like to mention, but I am sure there will be parks and new parks in the future because there's been planned by the government that they will build novel parks around the city and I would plan inshallah for going to there if it's been opened.

✓ There aren't any specific parks I would like to mention, but I am sure new parks will appear in the future because the government has planned to build them around the city, and I plan, inshallah, to visit them when they open.

The original has many issues: 'Where' is incorrect as a clause starter; use 'There aren't any specific parks'. 'Pockets' is wrong word choice. 'There's been planned by the government' is passive and ungrammatical; use 'the government has planned' or 'is planning'. 'Novel parks' is unusual; use 'new parks'. 'I would plan inshallah for going to there' mixes tense and prepositions; use 'I plan, inshallah, to visit them when they open.' Ensure subject-verb agreement and correct passive construction.