公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and unnatural phrases (e.g., “amazement”, “develop them themselves”). Use simpler, accurate vocabulary and correct grammar (past tense for childhood).

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went with my family and friends to play football and run around, which kept me physically active and helped me relax. For example, weekends were usually spent at the park where we played until dusk, and those memories still make me happy.

建議: Answer directly and naturally. Use present simple and link ideas with connectors like 'because' or 'so'. Give one clear reason and a brief example. Avoid awkward phrases such as “remain themselves as ever being”.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I go regularly to exercise and to relax in nature because the fresh air and greenery help me reduce stress. For instance, I usually walk in the park for 30 minutes after work to clear my mind.

建議: Give a direct opinion, then two specific reasons with linking words. Use correct grammar and accurate vocabulary (e.g., 'provide' -> 'provides', 'people of all ages' not 'classes'). Avoid vague phrases like 'engineering the nature'.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide free spaces for exercise and relaxation. Moreover, parks are important for children to play safely and learn about nature. For example, adding small pocket parks near residential areas would encourage families to spend more time outdoors.

建議: Be specific and concise. State the park name clearly, then give one or two concrete reasons why you want to visit, using correct vocabulary (e.g., 'cherry blossoms' for sakura). Avoid unclear or incorrect expressions like 'sand from coming from the flowers'.

範例: I would like to visit the National Geographic Park in Japan because it is famous for its cherry blossoms and beautiful landscapes. I hope to see the flowers in spring and take photos of the scenery, which I think would be very relaxing and inspiring.

× Obviously, I used to go to park during my childhood because it gave me a lot of amazement as and pleasure.

✓ Obviously, I used to go to the park during my childhood because it gave me a lot of amazement and pleasure.

The noun 'park' here is a specific countable place and requires the definite article 'the'. Remove the extraneous 'as' before 'and'. Use: 'go to the park' and 'amazement and pleasure'. Suggestion: Use 'the' with specific places and read the sentence aloud to spot extra words.

× I used to go there for physical exercise purpose as I was playing with my friends and family so that I can have physically fit and mentally fit.

✓ I used to go there for physical exercise because I played with my friends and family so that I could be physically and mentally fit.

Mixed tenses and incorrect forms: 'for physical exercise purpose' is unnatural — use 'for physical exercise'. 'Was playing' suggests continuous past but here simple past 'played' is appropriate. 'Can' should be past 'could' to match 'used to'. Adjectives 'physically fit and mentally fit' should be 'physically and mentally fit'. Suggestion: Keep past time expressions consistent and use parallel adjective structure.

× It gets me a lot of pleasure and amazement which is the energy of my body and mind.

✓ It gave me a lot of pleasure and amazement, which energized my body and mind.

Tense mismatch: earlier sentence is past ('used to'), so 'gets' should be 'gave'. 'Which is the energy of my body and mind' is awkward; use 'which energized my body and mind'. Suggestion: Maintain consistent past tense and choose concise verbs like 'energized'.

× Finally, I recommend every child to go to park for their own purposes to develop them themselves.

✓ Finally, I recommend that every child go to the park to develop themselves.

Recommendation structure: 'recommend that' plus base verb is correct. 'Go to park' needs 'the'. 'For their own purposes to develop them themselves' is redundant; use 'to develop themselves'. Suggestion: Use 'recommend that + subject + base verb' and avoid redundancy.

× Obviously, uh, nowadays I also enjoy going to park because of physical exercise as well as having the natural beauties to enjoy the climate and weather perfectly so that I can be physically fit and mentally fit.

✓ Nowadays I also enjoy going to the park for physical exercise and to enjoy natural beauty, the climate, and the weather so that I can be physically and mentally fit.

Use 'the park' for a specific place. 'Having the natural beauties' is incorrect — use 'to enjoy natural beauty'. 'Perfectly' is unnecessary. Maintain parallel structure 'physically and mentally fit'. Suggestion: Simplify and use parallel infinitives ('for exercise and to enjoy').

× I think it is a habit should be built to everyone so that they can remain themselves as ever being in their whole life.

✓ I think it is a habit that should be developed by everyone so that they can remain healthy throughout their lives.

Awkward structure and passive/modal issues: use 'habit that should be developed' not 'should be built to everyone'. 'Remain themselves as ever being' is unclear; likely meaning is 'remain healthy throughout their lives'. Suggestion: Use clear passive forms ('should be developed by everyone') and standard phrases like 'throughout their lives'.

× I obviously suggest to have more park in my city because it provide a lot of opportunities for all classes of people so that they can have their time as well as pass their time with valuable activities such as physical exercise, amusement as well as engineering the nature.

✓ I obviously suggest having more parks in my city because they provide many opportunities for people of all classes so that they can spend time on valuable activities such as physical exercise, recreation, and enjoying nature.

Countable 'park' should be plural 'parks' and 'suggest' is followed by gerund 'suggest having'. Subject-verb agreement: 'it provide' should be 'they provide'. 'Amusement' is awkward; 'recreation' is better. 'Engineering the nature' is incorrect — use 'enjoying nature'. Suggestion: Match plurals and verbs, use 'people of all classes' and appropriate nouns like 'recreation'.

× It also gave the opportunity for the younger generation so that they can have fit physical and maintaining.

✓ It also gives opportunities to the younger generation so that they can stay physically fit and maintain their health.

Tense inconsistency: previous sentence proposes a present suggestion, so use present 'gives'. 'Have fit physical and maintaining' is ungrammatical; use 'stay physically fit and maintain their health'. Suggestion: Use present tense for general statements and standard collocations like 'stay physically fit'.

× In my upcoming days I want to visit a park which is called National Geographical Park of Japan which is very very known for its scenic beauty as well as different types of trees like sakura and many others which is very enjoyable with lots of flowers that can charm you as well as keep my brain a refresh.

✓ In the future I want to visit the National Geographic Park of Japan, which is well known for its scenic beauty and many types of trees like sakura, and is very enjoyable with lots of flowers that can charm you and refresh your mind.

'In my upcoming days' is nonstandard; use 'In the future'. Use the correct name 'National Geographic Park' (if intended). Avoid repeating 'which' and 'very very'; use 'well known'. 'Keep my brain a refresh' is ungrammatical — use 'refresh your mind'. Maintain consistent pronouns (you vs my) — choose one ('you and refresh your mind'). Suggestion: Use standard time expressions, avoid repetition, and use idiomatic phrases like 'refresh your mind'.

× Air and the sand from coming from the flowers is very amazing so I want to go there.

✓ The air and the scent from the flowers are wonderful, so I want to go there.

'Air and the sand from coming from the flowers' is incorrect: flowers produce scent, not sand. Use plural verb 'are' for compound subject 'air and scent'. 'Very amazing' is awkward; 'wonderful' or 'amazing' suffices. Suggestion: Use correct nouns ('scent' or 'fragrance') and ensure subject-verb agreement for compound subjects.