公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Điểm cần cải thiện: (1) Ngữ pháp về thì và động từ (ví dụ: 'love' → 'loved'); (2) Câu cần ngắt rõ ràng thành hai phần: mô tả thói quen trong quá khứ và so sánh với hiện tại; (3) Tránh lỗi từ vựng và chính tả (‘live trees’ nên là 'climbing trees' hoặc 'shade of trees'; 'a quick school' không hợp lý). Hãy dùng câu chủ đề rõ ràng, tối đa 4-5 câu, và nối ý bằng liên từ đơn giản như 'because', 'so', 'now'.

範例: I loved going to the park as a child because I could play football and climb trees with my friends. For example, we often played for hours and ran around until sunset. Now I don't go as often because I am busy with school and work, so I usually visit parks only on weekends.

建議: Điểm cần cải thiện: (1) Sử dụng mạo từ và danh từ đếm được đúng ('go to the park' not 'go to park'); (2) Một vài lỗi động từ chia và chính tả ('lay' → 'lie' hoặc 'relax'); (3) Tránh lặp ý; có thể thêm một liên từ để mạch lạc như 'therefore' hoặc 'so'. Giữ tối đa 4 câu và rõ ràng.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to the park because it holds many pleasant memories with my friends. When we were younger, we used to run and lie on the grass until sunset, then sit on benches and talk for hours. Because of those memories, I often return to the park to relax and remember those times.

建議: Điểm cần cải thiện: (1) Chính tả và lựa chọn từ ('More Pass' là sai; phải là 'more parks'); (2) Câu chưa hoàn chỉnh và không mạch lạc ('Include people, physical and mental health.' không rõ nghĩa); (3) Cần đưa cấu trúc chủ đề rõ ràng và minh họa cụ thể với liên từ như 'for example' hoặc 'as a result'. Hãy viết 2–4 câu, mỗi câu hoàn chỉnh và rõ ràng.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they offer a peaceful place to relax and exercise. For example, new parks would encourage families to spend more time outdoors, which can improve both physical and mental health. In addition, parks can create safe spaces for community activities.

建議: Điểm cần cải thiện: (1) Một số từ dùng sai và chính tả ('surrounding' → 'surroundings'; 'dress' → 'rest'); (2) Câu hơi dài — nên tách thành câu chủ đề và câu minh họa; (3) Dùng liên từ để nối ý rõ ràng ('not only... but also', 'for example').

範例: I prefer going to national parks because they offer peaceful surroundings where I can rest and relieve stress. For example, national parks have beautiful scenery and activities like hiking and photography that help me disconnect from daily life.

× When I was a child I love going to the park because I could play with my friends and live trees.

✓ When I was a child I loved going to the park because I could play with my friends and live trees.

The sentence mixes past time marker 'When I was a child' with present tense 'love'. Use past tense 'loved' to match time frame. Suggestion: change present verbs to past when referring to past habits.

× For example, we often like football together and spend hours running around.

✓ For example, we often played football together and spent hours running around.

The sentence uses 'like' and 'spend' in present while describing past habitual action. Use past simple 'played' and 'spent' to match past context.

× Now I don't go as often because I'm busy a quick school and work.

✓ Now I don't go as often because I'm busy with school and work.

Phrase 'a quick school' is ungrammatical. Use preposition 'with' to indicate being occupied by activities: 'busy with school and work'. Also remove 'a quick'.

× Yes, of course. I still like going to park because it holds a lot of memory for me and my friends.

✓ Yes, of course. I still like going to the park because it holds a lot of memories for me and my friends.

Countable singular noun 'park' needs the definite article 'the' when referring to a specific place. 'Memory' as countable should be plural 'memories' when referring to many recollections.

× When we were younger we used to run and lay there until the sun went down and we would sit on the benches and talk for hours, which is why I still enjoy going back to park.

✓ When we were younger we used to run and lie there until the sun went down and we would sit on the benches and talk for hours, which is why I still enjoy going back to the park.

The correct past tense/infinitive of 'lie' (recline) is 'lie'/'lay' confusion: 'lie' past is 'lay', but after 'used to' use base form 'lie'. Also add 'the' before 'park'.

× Yes, More Pass would offer many huge benefits to city residents because they provide a peaceful place to relax and unwind after a busy schedule.

✓ Yes, more parks would offer many huge benefits to city residents because they provide a peaceful place to relax and unwind after a busy schedule.

'More Pass' seems to be a typo. Replace with 'more parks'. Also 'they' correctly refers to 'parks'. Ensure plurality matches.

× For example, a new park could encourage families to spend time outdoors. Include people, physical and mental health.

✓ For example, a new park could encourage families to spend time outdoors, including improving people's physical and mental health.

Fragment 'Include people, physical and mental health.' is incomplete. Combine into one sentence and use gerund 'including' and possessive 'people's' to show benefit.

× I prefer going to national parks because they offer not only peaceful surrounding where I can dress and relieve stress, but also the beautiful natural scenery and activities like hiking and photography which help me disconnect from daily life.

✓ I prefer going to national parks because they offer not only peaceful surroundings where I can rest and relieve stress, but also beautiful natural scenery and activities like hiking and photography which help me disconnect from daily life.

Use plural 'surroundings'. 'Dress' is incorrect here; use 'rest'. 'the beautiful natural scenery' can be 'beautiful natural scenery' without 'the'. Adjustments improve collocation and meaning.