公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more natural and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence answering the question, avoid rhetorical phrases like “who doesn't?”, reduce repetition, and correct grammar (e.g., plural/singular, articles). Use one linking word to add a specific supporting detail (activity and reason). Keep it under five sentences.

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went there to play and to practice simple yoga stretches, which helped me relax. Because the parks were quiet and green, they lifted my mood and gave me space to read or daydream.

建議: Answer directly and avoid long, unnatural phrases. Use simpler, more precise vocabulary (e.g., 'definitely' instead of 'there is not even a shadow of doubt', 'tends to' instead of 'has propensity'). Give one or two specific activities and link them with a connector. Fix grammar and reduce filler words.

範例: Yes, I still like going to parks now. I usually go for jogging and short meditation sessions, which help me stay fit. In addition, the fresh air and open space improve my mood and concentration.

建議: Be concise and avoid awkward or incorrect phrases (e.g., 'propensity', 'parking' instead of 'park-ing' meaning parking). Provide one clear reason with a specific example of how more parks would help the community. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so'.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they encourage exercise and social activities. For example, new parks could offer walking paths and outdoor fitness areas where people can jog, practice yoga, or meet friends.

建議: Be specific and fluent. Start with a direct answer naming the park, then give concise reasons with specific details (features you like). Remove filler words ('uh'), fix grammar (e.g., 'near Mississauga', 'a thick belt of trees'), and use one linking word to connect reason to preference.

範例: Yes — I would like to visit Humber Park near Mississauga in the future. It has dense tree belts and quiet walking trails, which I think would be calming. As a nature lover, I would enjoy sitting under the trees and listening to birds to relax.

× I also like to go to the park as others.

✓ I also like to go to the park like others.

'as others' is incorrect in this context; use 'like others' to compare preferences. 'As' is used in role/function comparisons (e.g., 'as a child'), while 'like' is used for similarity.

× I go to the park in order to do several type of activities which make me feel like doing meditation, yoga as well as whenever I am having free time.

✓ I go to the park to do several types of activities, such as meditation and yoga, whenever I have free time.

Use 'several types of' (plural 'types') not 'several type of'. 'In order to' can be simplified to 'to'. 'Such as' introduces examples. Use simple present 'I have' for habitual actions rather than 'I am having'.

× I just prefer to go to the park in order to change my mood from sad to happy.

✓ I prefer to go to the park to change my mood from sad to happy.

Simplify 'in order to' to 'to' for conciseness. 'Just' is unnecessary and can be omitted. This keeps present simple for habitual preference.

× Obviously, there is not even a shadow of doubt whenever I go to the park.

✓ Obviously, there isn't even a shadow of doubt when I go to the park.

Use the contracted negative 'isn't' or 'is not' and 'when' is more natural than 'whenever' in this context. Maintain present simple for habitual action.

× It has propensity to change my mood from sad to happy.

✓ It has the propensity to change my mood from sad to happy.

Add the definite article 'the' before 'propensity'. Alternatively, a more natural phrasing is 'It tends to change my mood' or 'It has the power to change my mood.'

× Moreover, if I talk about the things which are most important, what are the basic reasons why I go to the park?

✓ Moreover, if I talk about the most important things, the basic reasons I go to the park are the following:

The original mixes a question with a statement awkwardly. Reordering yields a clearer statement. Use 'the most important things' and place the verb after the subject in a list-introducing sentence.

× The major reason is like I can stay fit and healthy by doing meditation and jogging over there.

✓ The main reason is that I can stay fit and healthy by meditating and jogging there.

'Is like' is informal and incorrect here; use 'is that'. Use gerund forms 'meditating' and 'jogging' to indicate activities. 'Over there' can be shortened to 'there'.

× Certainly yes, I would like to see more parks in the city and the future because it has propensity to keep the people fit as they can do several type of activities over there such as parking, meditation, yoga in order to stay healthy and fit as fiddle.

✓ Certainly, I would like to see more parks in the city and in the future because they have the propensity to keep people fit, as they can do several types of activities there such as picnics, meditation, and yoga to stay healthy and fit as a fiddle.

Use 'Certainly,' not 'Certainly yes'. 'Parks' is plural so use 'they' and 'have'. Add 'the' before 'propensity'. Use 'people' without 'the'. Correct 'several type of' to 'several types of'. 'Parking' is wrong word for leisure; 'picnics' fits. Use 'in order to' -> 'to'. Idiom is 'fit as a fiddle'.

× Uh, I'm positive about this.

✓ I'm sure about that.

'I'm positive about this' is grammatical but 'I'm sure about that' is more natural in response; no grammatical error but improvement suggested. (If sticking strictly to list, this is a stylistic suggestion.)

× Uh, if in future I get a chance to visit any kind of park, I'll definitely go over there.

✓ If in the future I get a chance to visit any park, I'll definitely go there.

Add 'the' before 'future'. 'Any kind of park' is wordy; use 'any park'. 'Go over there' -> 'go there' is more natural.

× And the name of the park is Humber Park, which is near to the Mississauga.

✓ The name of the park is Humber Park, which is near Mississauga.

Do not use 'the' before 'Mississauga' (a city name). Use 'near Mississauga' not 'near to the Mississauga'.

× So there is different type of thick belt of trees, which has propensity to change my mood from sad to happy as I am a nature lover and I love to sit in the lap of the nature.

✓ There is a different kind of thick belt of trees, which has the propensity to lift my mood from sad to happy, since I am a nature lover and I love to sit in the lap of nature.

Use 'a different kind' or 'a different type' with singular article. Add 'the' before 'propensity'. 'Lift my mood' is more natural than 'change my mood' repeated. 'The nature' is incorrect; use 'nature' without article. Also use 'since' for reason and avoid repetition.