公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be concise and use correct tense and clearer linking. Begin with a direct topic sentence in past tense, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words (e.g., because, so). Avoid repetition and grammar errors.

範例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. However, I rarely went because my family was busy and we had financial difficulties, so we didn’t have many opportunities for outings.

建議: Correct small repetition and improve sentence flow. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific activities as supporting details linked with 'for example' or 'sometimes'. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and get fresh air. For example, I often meet friends there for picnics or play football, which helps me unwind after work.

建議: Fix factual and grammar mistakes and make reasoning clearer. Use linking words to present cause and effect (e.g., because, so, therefore). Be specific about benefits and avoid contradictory words.

範例: Yes, I would love more parks because we lack safe play areas for children. More parks would encourage families to spend time outdoors, improving residents’ physical and mental health and creating opportunities for socializing.

建議: Use clearer phrasing and correct vocabulary. Start with a direct statement of intention, then specify reasons and one or two activities. Replace vague or incorrect words (e.g., 'on furred lands') and avoid filler sounds like 'uh'.

範例: Yes, I hope to visit national parks in New Zealand in the future because I enjoy hiking and photographing landscapes. For instance, I would like to hike in Fiordland National Park and capture the dramatic scenery.

× Yes, I like going to parks when I was a child, but I didn't have much time to to go to parks with my family because our life was difficult back then and my parents know and my siblings are busy and really hard for time to play for.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks when I was a child, but I didn't have much time to go to parks with my family because our life was difficult back then and my parents were working and my siblings were busy and had little time to play.

The student mixes present and past tenses. 'I like going to parks when I was a child' should use past tense 'liked' to match 'when I was a child'. 'parents know' is incorrect; use 'parents were working' or 'parents worked' to describe past situation. 'are busy and really hard for time to play for' is ungrammatical; use 'were busy and had little time to play'. Suggestions: keep past tense consistently for childhood descriptions, use 'had little time' for lack of time, and avoid repeating 'to'.

× Yes, I like I still enjoy going to parks now and I like working there to relax and get some fresh air.

✓ Yes, I still enjoy going to parks now and I like walking there to relax and get some fresh air.

The sentence unnecessarily repeats 'I like' and uses the wrong verb 'working' when describing a leisure activity; 'walking' fits the context. Present tense 'enjoy' and 'like' are appropriate for current habits. Suggestion: remove redundant phrases and choose appropriate verbs for the activity.

× Sometimes I meet my friends for a picnic or to play sports.

✓ Sometimes I meet my friends for a picnic or to play sports there.

The original sentence is mostly correct but lacks clarity about location; adding 'there' clarifies that the activities occur in parks. This is a sentence structure/clarity issue. Suggestion: include a location reference when the context requires it.

× Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because we currently don't have many safe places where children can play UMM.

✓ Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because we currently don't have many safe places where children can play.

'UMM' is a filler and should be removed in formal responses. Modal usage ('would love', 'don't have', 'can play') is correct. Suggestion: avoid fillers and keep the sentence concise.

× More parts would also encourage families not to spend time outdoors and improve our residents physical and mental well-being and better chances for socialization.

✓ More parks would also encourage families to spend more time outdoors, improve our residents' physical and mental well-being, and provide better chances for socialization.

Multiple issues: 'parts' is a typo for 'parks'. 'encourage families not to spend time outdoors' contradicts intended meaning; it should be 'encourage families to spend more time outdoors'. Missing possessive apostrophe in 'residents' and parallelism problems in the list. Suggestions: fix typos, ensure parallel structure for list items, and use correct possessive form.

× Yes, I hope to visit some parks abroad, specially in New Zealand because I enjoy hiking, staying in the landscape and visiting places like on furred lands and National Park.

✓ Yes, I hope to visit some parks abroad, especially in New Zealand, because I enjoy hiking, being in the landscape, and visiting places like fjordlands and national parks.

Errors: 'specially' should be 'especially'; 'staying in the landscape' is awkward — 'being in the landscape' or 'enjoying the scenery' is better. 'furred lands' is a mispronunciation/typo; likely 'fjordlands' or similar; 'National Park' should be plural or lowercase depending on context — use 'national parks'. Ensure parallel gerund phrases: 'hiking, being..., and visiting...'. Suggestions: correct spelling, use parallel structure, and choose accurate place names.

× Let me try outdoor activities and take photographs to the scenery and uh in different countries also.

✓ I want to try outdoor activities and take photographs of the scenery in different countries as well.

Problems: 'Let me try' is conversational and awkward in this context; 'I want to try' or 'I hope to try' is better. 'take photographs to the scenery' should be 'take photographs of the scenery'. 'and uh in different countries also' is disfluent; rephrase to 'in different countries as well'. Suggestions: use correct prepositions ('of' for photographing subjects), avoid fillers like 'uh', and choose smoother verbs for intentions.