公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more natural and correct grammar, use a clear topic sentence, and keep it concise (max 5 sentences). Add linking words and specific details (time, activities) to make it coherent. Correct tense and pronoun errors and avoid colloquial phrases like "being broke"—use "having little money".

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My parents often took my sister and me to local parks even though they had little money, and I remember my mother laying a mat under a mango tree while we played games nearby. Because of those joyful memories, when I became a parent I promised myself to take my child to nice outdoor places too.

建議: Start with a direct topic sentence and combine reasons with linking words. Add a specific example or routine to make the answer more vivid and avoid repeating short fragments. Keep within five sentences.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, especially nature parks. I often visit a nearby nature reserve at weekends because I find the fresh air and quiet trails help me relax and clear my mind. For example, last Saturday I spent an hour walking by the lake and felt much less stressed afterward.

建議: Use a concise topic sentence, then give specific reasons with linking words and an example of benefit. Correct awkward phrases like "suffocating life in city" to "the city's hectic life". Keep sentences natural and varied vocabulary.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because there are far more buildings than green spaces. More parks would provide a peaceful escape from the city's hectic life and offer places for families to exercise and children to play, which would improve residents' well‑being.

建議: Start with a direct topic sentence and explain why you chose that idea. Use linking words to add a specific plan or example (which parks or seasons) and avoid repeating the phrase "Four Seasons" and listing seasons redundantly.

範例: Yes, I would love to visit parks across Japan to experience how each season changes the landscape. For instance, I want to see cherry blossoms in spring at Ueno Park, vibrant maple leaves in autumn at Kyoto's parks, and snowy gardens in winter to appreciate the contrast between seasons.

× Yes, despite being broke, my parents make a way to bring us to nice places.

✓ Yes, despite being broke, my parents made a way to bring us to nice places.

The context refers to childhood (past), so the verb should be in the past tense. 'Make' (present) is inconsistent with 'as a child' and the rest of the sentence. Use 'made' to indicate an action completed in the past. Suggestion: Use past tense verbs when describing past events; check time markers like 'as a child' to choose tense correctly.

× I have this recollection where my mother laid a mat under a mango tree while me and my sister are playing.

✓ I have this recollection of my mother laying a mat under a mango tree while my sister and I were playing.

Multiple issues: the time sequence is past, so 'are playing' should be past progressive 'were playing'. 'Laid' is acceptable but 'laying' after 'recollection of' is more natural. Also pronoun order and case: 'me and my sister' should be 'my sister and I'. Suggestion: Use correct pronoun case ('I' as subject), match verb tenses for past events, and prefer 'recollection of' + gerund.

× And when I became a parent, I promised to myself to bring my child to nice place.

✓ And when I became a parent, I promised myself to bring my child to a nice place.

'Promised to myself' is awkward; use 'promised myself'. The phrase 'nice place' needs an article 'a' because it is a singular countable noun. Tense 'became' and 'promised' are correct past forms. Suggestion: Use reflexive expressions like 'promised myself' and include articles with singular countable nouns.

× I am always fond of nature, so I go there to breathe, relax and to appreciate the environment.

✓ I have always been fond of nature, so I go there to breathe, relax, and appreciate the environment.

Saying 'I am always fond of nature' is acceptable but 'I have always been fond' better expresses a continual state from past to present. Also parallel structure: 'to breathe, relax, and appreciate' should be consistent (either all with 'to' or none). Remove the extra 'to' before 'appreciate' for parallelism. Suggestion: Use perfect tense for lasting states when appropriate and maintain parallel verb forms in lists.

× I like to see more parks in my city, to have a place to escape from suffocating life in city and to connect with nature.

✓ I would like to see more parks in my city, to have a place to escape the suffocating city life and to connect with nature.

Use 'escape the suffocating city life' rather than 'escape from suffocating life in city'. Also article and word order: 'the suffocating city life' is natural. Beginning with 'I like to see' is acceptable but 'I would like to see' is more appropriate for a wish about the future. Suggestion: Use natural prepositional phrases ('escape the ... life') and include articles ('the') for specific concepts.

× Yes, I live in a city where there are more buildings than trees.

✓ Yes, I live in a city where there are more buildings than trees.

This sentence is grammatically correct. No change needed. Suggestion: None.

× Yes, I would like to go to every park in Japan during its Four Seasons, winter, summer, spring and fall.

✓ Yes, I would like to visit every park in Japan during its four seasons: winter, spring, summer, and fall.

'Go to' is acceptable, but 'visit' is more natural here. Capitalization: 'four seasons' should not be capitalized. Also list order conventionalizes spring before summer, and include commas; use colon before the list. 'During its four seasons' correctly indicates time. Suggestion: Use natural verb choices ('visit'), lower-case common nouns, and present lists in standard order and punctuation.