公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Cümlelerinizi daha doğal ve akıcı yapmalısınız. Konuya doğrudan cevap verin, tekrar eden ifadelerden kaçının ve bağlaçları doğru kullanın. Örneğin, ‘‘green baths’’ veya ‘‘in order to’’ ifadelerini yanlış kullanmışsınız; yerine ‘‘green spaces’’ ve ‘‘to relax’’ gibi daha uygun ifadeler kullanın. Ayrıca gereksiz sözcükleri çıkartın ve her fikir için net bir destekleyici ayrıntı verin (kimle oynadığınız, ne yaptığınız vs.). Maksimum 3 cümleyle açık ve doğrudan cevap verin.

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My parents often took me there to relax, and I used to play games and make friends with other children. Because the parks were quiet and safe, I spent many happy afternoons there.

建議: Daha doğru kelime seçimi ve basit, düzgün cümle yapıları kullanın. ‘‘visit bells’’, ‘‘green beds’’ ve ‘‘unrelax’’ gibi ifadeler yanlış; bunların yerine ‘‘visit parks’’, ‘‘green areas/grass’’ ve ‘‘relax/unwind’’ kullanın. Cevabınızı bir ana cümle ile başlayıp, bir ya iki destekleyici cümleyle sınırlayın ve bağlaçları (for example, because) kullanarak mantıklı bağlantılar kurun.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I often get up early to exercise and I like running on the grass because it helps me relax. Also, I appreciate meeting other people there for a walk or a chat.

建議: Görüşünüzü daha net ve kısa cümlelerle ifade edin. Tekrarlayan ifadeleri kaldırın ve uygun kelime ve zaman kullanın (ör. ‘‘green spaces/parks’’, ‘‘be careful’’ yerine ‘‘take care of’’). Bir sebep ve bir örnek verin; neden daha fazla parka ihtiyaç duyduğunuzu ve bunun faydasını belirtin. Maksimum 3-4 cümle kullanın.

範例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they improve the environment and provide places for people to meet. For example, families could gather for picnics and children would have safe places to play. We should protect and create green spaces to make the city healthier.

建議: Cevabınızı daha spesifik ve doğru bilgiyle destekleyin. Parkın adını net verin (ör. Park Güell in Barcelona), ve kısa bir neden ile bağlayın. Tekrarlayan kelimeleri çıkarın ve cümlenizi tamamlayın; kimle gitmek istediğinizi veya ne görmek istediğinizi belirtin. Bağlaçlarla mantıklı akış sağlayın.

範例: Yes, I would like to visit Park Güell in Barcelona in the future because it has unique architecture and beautiful views. I am interested in seeing the mosaics by Gaudí and learning about the park's history. I would like to go there with friends to enjoy the sights together.

× When I was a child I loved so much to visit parks and go to green baths in order to online.

✓ When I was a child I loved visiting parks and going to green spaces to relax.

The original sentence has awkward word order and incorrect words ('so much to visit', 'green baths', 'in order to online'). Use gerunds after 'loved' for activities (visiting, going). 'Green spaces' is the correct phrase for parks; 'to relax' clearly expresses purpose.

× My parents taught me in order to unstressed you should find a good place to relax and these parts are amazing places.

✓ My parents taught me that, to avoid stress, you should find a good place to relax, and parks are wonderful places for that.

The sentence misuses 'in order to' and 'unstressed' and has 'parts' instead of 'parks'. Use 'that' to introduce reported advice, 'to avoid stress' for purpose, and correct noun 'parks'.

× Also when I was a child I met many close friends in parks so these boys.

✓ Also, when I was a child I met many close friends in parks.

The fragment 'so these boys' is unclear and unnecessary. Remove it to make a complete, clear sentence. Add commas for readability.

× I have been visiting bells in order to unwind and still I love go to going to parts.

✓ I have been visiting parks to unwind, and I still love going to parks.

'Visiting' is correct but 'bells' is incorrect word; likely 'parks'. Use infinitive 'to unwind' for purpose. Replace 'love go to going to parts' with the gerund phrase 'love going to parks.'

× Excuse me. First of all I love getting up early in order to exercise and I love running in green beds.

✓ Excuse me. First of all, I love getting up early to exercise, and I enjoy running in green areas.

Use 'to exercise' instead of 'in order to exercise' for conciseness. 'Green beds' is incorrect; 'green areas' or 'green spaces' is appropriate. 'Enjoy' fits better than repeating 'love.'

× These are the most prominent areas to unrelax also people.

✓ These are the best places to relax and meet other people.

'To unrelax' is incorrect (should be 'to relax'). 'Also people' is unclear; rephrase as 'and meet other people' to communicate social aspect.

× Yes, I would like to see see many green baths in my city.

✓ Yes, I would like to see many green spaces in my city.

Remove repeated word 'see'. Use 'green spaces' instead of 'green baths.'

× In order to change our environment, we have to careful and we had to protect green baths in order to unwind and in order to see and find good places to come together with our close friends or family members.

✓ To improve our environment, we have to be careful and protect green spaces so we can relax and find good places to meet with our close friends or family members.

Missing verb 'be' after 'have to' (we have to be careful). 'Had to' (past) conflicts with present intention; use present 'have to'. Replace 'green baths' with 'green spaces' and simplify repeated 'in order to' to 'so we can.'

× For example, we love so much come together with our.

✓ For example, we love coming together with our friends and family.

Use gerund 'coming' after 'love.' The sentence was incomplete ('with our'). Complete it with 'friends and family.'

× Yes, if I had the chance, I would like to visit many parks in the future.

✓ Yes, if I had the chance, I would visit many parks in the future.

The conditional 'if I had the chance' typically pairs with 'I would visit' (conditional simple). 'I would like to visit' is not wrong but sounds less consistent with the second conditional; using 'would visit' is more natural here.

× First of all, I would like to visit Parkway that is located in Spain.

✓ First of all, I would like to visit Park Güell, which is located in Barcelona, Spain.

'Parkway' is likely a wrong name. If referring to the famous park in Barcelona, 'Park Güell' is appropriate and use 'which is located in Barcelona, Spain' for clarity.

× Barcelona is renowned with its this park excuse me.

✓ Barcelona is renowned for this park.

Use 'renowned for' not 'renowned with.' Remove unnecessary words ('its this', 'excuse me').

× Also, you can find many historical historical areas in this place.

✓ Also, you can find many historical areas in this place.

Remove duplicated word 'historical.'

× So I would like to visit this place with.

✓ So I would like to visit this place with my friends or family.

Sentence was incomplete ('with'). Add the object to complete the sentence and clarify companionship.