公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more grammatical and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition and filler words, and provide one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Pay attention to tense consistency (use past tense for childhood) and correct word choice (e.g., “playground equipment” not “structures” if you mean swings/slides).

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. They had lots of open space and playground equipment, so I could run around and play with my friends. Because the parks were safe and friendly, I spent many afternoons there every week.

建議: Make your answer clearer and more fluent. Use a direct topic sentence, then add one specific reason with a linking word (e.g., “because” or “because of”). Reduce hesitation and repeated phrases. Use correct grammar (there is/there are, subject-verb agreement) and avoid vague phrases like “do whatever you want.”

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they provide a peaceful outdoor space. For example, I often sit on a bench to read or take a walk, which helps me relax after a busy day.

建議: Answer directly and give a specific reason and a result. Use correct grammar (there are no parks; it is difficult) and link your ideas (e.g., “because… therefore…”). Be concise and avoid repeating the same idea multiple times.

範例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because there are none near my neighborhood. If a park were built nearby, I could exercise outdoors and meet neighbors more easily, which would improve my quality of life.

建議: Be more fluent and specific. Start with a clear statement of the park you want to visit, then give a reason and one or two concrete details. Avoid filler sounds and repetitive phrasing. Use correct tense for long-held desires (e.g., “I have always wanted to go”).

範例: Yes, I would like to visit Disneyland in Japan. I have always wanted to go since childhood because I love theme parks; I’m excited to try the rides and see the unique architecture and shows there.

× Yeah, in my childhood I usually go to went to the parks because I love to go there and it there has a lot of space so you can play anywhere and there is a lot of structure so you can play with them. So yeah, I usually love to go there because of that free the sweet environment.

✓ Yeah, in my childhood I usually went to the parks because I loved going there; there was a lot of space so you could play anywhere and there were many structures to play on. So yeah, I usually loved going there because of the free, pleasant environment.

The student mixes present and past tenses (e.g., 'usually go' with 'in my childhood') and uses incorrect verb forms ('it there has'). Use past tense for habitual actions in the past: 'usually went', 'loved', 'could'. Also correct subject-verb agreement with plural 'structures' and use appropriate adjectives ('pleasant') and articles. Suggestion: decide the time frame (past) and keep verbs consistent, check subject-verb agreement and noun forms.

× Yes, I still like going to parks because uh there has lot of space so you can uh sit here anywhere and uh do whatever you want. So like if you give it gives you so much space and give you the to make sure that you can spend your own time and uh. So like so it is the best to the place uh to spend most of the time uh.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks because there is a lot of space so you can sit anywhere and do whatever you want. A park gives you a lot of space and lets you spend time by yourself. So it is the best place to spend time.

The sentence uses incorrect existential construction 'there has lot of space' and awkward phrases. Use 'there is a lot of space' for existence and correct verb forms: 'gives' and 'lets' (third person singular). Remove redundant words and fix article use ('the best place' not 'the best to the place'). Suggestion: use 'there is/are' for existence, ensure subject-verb agreement, and simplify phrases.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because in my area there has no parks so like it is a quite difficult for me to see. So for spending more time in a open area because there has no open area. So if there has will be a park then it will be good for me.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because in my area there are no parks, so it is quite difficult for me. I want a place to spend time outdoors because there are no open areas. If there were a park, it would be good for me.

The student incorrectly uses 'there has no parks' and 'there has no open area'. Use 'there are no' for plural/uncountable with negation. Also the conditional 'If there were a park' with 'would' fits hypothetical situations (second conditional). Fix article use ('a park') and adjective 'outdoors'. Suggestion: use 'there is/are' and correct conditional structures for unreal situations.

× So, yeah, I want to, uh, Disneyland park, uh, want to go Disneyland park, which is in Japan because, uh, I have always been wanted to go there, uh, since my childhood, uh, because it was my dream. So one day when I will get that, uh, the kind of chance, then I will go there and, uh, just explore the different kinds of swings and different kinds of architectures.

✓ So, yeah, I want to go to Disneyland Park in Japan because I have always wanted to go there since my childhood; it was my dream. One day, when I get the chance, I will go and explore the different rides and the architecture.

Errors include incorrect verb patterns: 'want to, want to go' (redundant), incorrect perfect construction 'have always been wanted' (passive with want is wrong) — use present perfect active 'have always wanted'. Use 'go to' with places and simpler future: 'when I get the chance' rather than 'when I will get'. Also 'swings' is informal/incorrect for theme park rides; 'architecture' is uncountable and used without plural. Suggestion: use correct verb patterns 'want to go', 'have always wanted', and avoid 'will' in time clauses; use appropriate nouns ('rides', 'architecture').