Hobby— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more fluent and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, umm), correct word choices (poet → poetry / poem), and limit length to 3–4 sentences. Add one specific example of a favorite book or poet and explain why briefly using a linking word (e.g., because, so).

Example: I enjoy reading, especially poetry, and I have loved it since childhood. For example, a friend gave me a collection of Shakespeare’s sonnets, which I found moving because of their beautiful language and emotional depth. Since then I have read several poets and often return to favourites when I need inspiration.

Suggestion: Provide a clear topic sentence, reduce repetition, and use accurate expressions (e.g., ‘a very big part of my life’ not ‘part of my heart’ unless intentional). Use linking words (for example, because) and be specific about memories or details. Keep to 3–4 sentences.

Example: Yes, I also swam a lot as a child and it became an important hobby for me. For example, my family would visit my uncle’s house where he had a large pool, so we could swim almost any time. Because of those carefree days, swimming is associated with very happy memories for me.

Suggestion: Start with a direct topic sentence and avoid repeating the same idea. Use clearer tense and phrasing (e.g., ‘I still swim on family vacations’). Give one concise detail about how your skill improved and avoid fillers. Limit to 3 sentences maximum.

Example: Yes, I have kept swimming since childhood and I still swim regularly during family vacations. Over the years my technique has improved because I practised a lot in pools and the sea. I actually taught myself to swim, which makes me proud of my progress.

Suggestion: Answer directly and concisely, avoid hesitations and repetition. Use correct grammar (e.g., ‘my mother can’t swim’). Clarify the father’s interests with a neat comparative phrase (e.g., ‘he prefers gym workouts to swimming’). Keep to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like ‘however’ to contrast.

Example: No, my family members don’t share the same hobbies. My mother can’t swim and doesn’t enjoy it, whereas my father prefers gym workouts and weight training instead.

× Once Upon a time my friend gave me umm A poet to read, which I really enjoyed and since that I started liking to read some uh, poetries umm for example anything for Shakespeare really uh quotes my.

✓ Once upon a time my friend gave me a poetry book to read, which I really enjoyed, and since then I started liking to read poetry, for example Shakespeare's quotes.

Incorrect word forms and nouns: 'A poet' is a person, but context needs 'a poetry book' or 'a poem'; 'since that' should be 'since then'; 'poetries' is not a correct plural; 'anything for Shakespeare' should be 'Shakespeare's' to show possession; 'quotes my' is ungrammatical and probably meant 'quotes'. Use correct past participle/context and noun forms and possessive to make sentence grammatical and clear.

× I uh, I love reading since I was a kid I wasn't much into umm reading, but Once Upon a time my friend gave me umm A poet to read, which I really enjoyed and since that I started liking to read some uh, poetries umm for example anything for Shakespeare really uh quotes my.

✓ I love reading. When I was a kid I wasn't much into reading, but once upon a time my friend gave me a poetry book to read, which I really enjoyed, and since then I started liking to read poetry, for example Shakespeare's quotes.

Run-on sentence and poor clause connections: the original mixes tenses and clauses without proper punctuation or conjunctions. Split into sentences and use connecting words ('when', 'but', 'since then') to clarify sequence and maintain correct tense.

× Swimming has a very huge part of my heart 'cause I used it's, it's really related to my memories.

✓ Swimming has a very large place in my heart because it's really connected to my memories.

Plural/singular and collocation errors: 'has a very huge part of my heart' is awkward; use 'a very large place in my heart' or 'means a lot to me'. 'Used it's' is incorrect — likely fragments; replace with 'because it's' to show cause. Keep noun and verb forms consistent.

× When I was a child, we used to swim at my uncle's house.

✓ When I was a child, we used to swim in my uncle's pool.

Preposition and collocation: 'swim at my uncle's house' is understandable but 'in my uncle's pool' is more precise. 'Used to' correctly marks past habitual action; keep past tense consistent.

× He had that huge pool that we used to go to swim at any time of the day, which means that we were a kind of a privileged.

✓ He had a huge pool that we used to go to at any time of the day, which meant that we were somewhat privileged.

Article and adjective/noun agreement: 'that huge pool' is fine but 'a kind of a privileged' is wrong — 'privileged' is an adjective and needs a noun or 'somewhat privileged' as adjective phrase. 'Means' should be past 'meant' to match past context.

× Although right now we don't swim frequently, but each time of the year when we go on a vacation with my family, I swim in the pool and in the sea for, for the longest time ever.

✓ Although right now we don't swim frequently, each year when we go on vacation with my family I swim in the pool and in the sea for a long time.

Tense and redundancy: Remove the redundant 'but' after 'although'. 'Each time of the year' is awkward — use 'each year'. 'For the longest time ever' is exaggerated and ungrammatical; 'for a long time' fits better. Keep present simple for habitual current actions.

× And this hobby stayed with me since I was a child.

✓ And this hobby has stayed with me since I was a child.

Tense error: 'since' with a starting point requires present perfect ('has stayed') to indicate continuity from past to present, not simple past 'stayed'.

× And I think it improves by time, the way that I swim and it's completely on my own.

✓ And I think it has improved over time; the way I swim has improved and I learned it completely on my own.

Tense and word choice: 'improves by time' should be 'has improved over time' to show change up to now. 'The way that I swim' should be connected to improvement. 'It's completely on my own' is ungrammatical for 'I learned it completely on my own'.

× No, uh, my mum actually can't swim. She, uh, she tried uh, to practice a little bit in swimming in the gym as I remember when we were kids, but she's still not really fond of swimming.

✓ No, my mum actually can't swim. She tried to practice a little bit in swimming at the gym when we were kids, but she's still not really fond of swimming.

Pronoun redundancy and preposition: Remove repeated 'she, uh, she'. Use 'at the gym' rather than 'in the gym' for practice context; otherwise sentence is fine. Keep tense consistent.

× And my father has a very, very different interests than we have.

✓ And my father has very different interests from ours.

Pronoun and agreement: 'a very, very different interests' mixes singular article with plural noun — remove 'a' and use plural 'interests'. Compare properly using 'different from' and use 'ours' as possessive pronoun to avoid awkward 'we have'.

× He's not, as he's an athletic guy, more in the gym rather than just like, uh, random hobby.

✓ He's not; as an athletic guy, he prefers the gym rather than random hobbies.

Word order and collocation: Original is disfluent and ungrammatical. Use clearer structure: 'as an athletic guy' and 'prefers the gym rather than random hobbies'. Use plural 'hobbies' and verb 'prefers' for clarity.