Hobby— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more concise and clear. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid hesitations and unclear phrases. Use linking words (because, so) correctly and keep sentences to a maximum of five. Focus on accurate grammar (e.g., past habits: “used to play”) and precise vocabulary (e.g., “follow/watch” rather than “build it them their base”).

Example: I enjoy watching sports, especially baseball and football. I grew up in a baseball-loving family, because my father and brother used to play, so I have followed the sport since childhood. As a result, I watch games regularly and know many players and teams.

Suggestion: Give a clear topic sentence and specific details. Say exactly what you did as a child (e.g., playing bowl, hide-and-seek, football). Avoid repetition and filler words. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, “because,” “so,” “and”). Keep sentences short and grammatical. Clarify vocabulary (what is “bowl” or “dot”?) to avoid confusion.

Example: When I was a child, I loved playing outdoor games with my friends, especially playing bowl (a game like marbles) and hide-and-seek. Because we spent so much time outside, many of my best memories are from those games with friends.

Suggestion: Start with a clear topic sentence stating the hobby. Use correct tense and smoother linking phrases (e.g., “I have watched baseball since childhood”). Explain why it stayed with you with one or two specific reasons, avoiding repetitions and fillers. Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., “familiar with the players,” “long-term interest”).

Example: Yes — I have watched baseball since I was a child. Over the years I became familiar with many key players and teams, so following matches feels more interesting because I can appreciate players’ skills and rivalries.

Suggestion: Answer directly and give one or two specific supporting details. Improve sentence clarity and grammar (e.g., “we support the same team,” “we relax together”). Avoid vague phrases like “it also makes our friends.” Explain the effect briefly (e.g., strengthens family bonds, shared traditions).

Example: Yes, we share the same hobby. My mother, sister and I often go to the nearby stadium to watch our favorite team, which brings us closer and creates a fun family tradition.

× So because the, my family, like my brother and my father were used to play, uh, baseball, I since I was young, I always build it them their base.

✓ Because my family, like my brother and my father, used to play baseball, I have always built their bases since I was young.

Pronoun use and word order were incorrect and confusing. 'Were used to play' should be 'used to play' to indicate past habit (Past tense issue but mainly pronoun and structure). 'I always build it them their base' has incorrect pronouns and object placement; correct is 'I have always built their bases' to show continuous habit from past to present. Suggestion: place possessive pronoun before noun ('their bases') and use present perfect 'have always built' for an action continuing from childhood to now.

× It might it might not be a hobby, but I really enjoyed hanging out with my friend outside using bowl like dot yeah, bowl and yeah then all like my most of my memory occupied to spending with.

✓ It might not be a hobby, but I really enjoyed hanging out with my friends outside playing bowls, and most of my memories are of spending time with them.

Sentence has repetition, wrong noun form, wrong verb phrase and poor structure. 'Friend' should be plural 'friends' if referring to multiple people. 'Using bowl' is incorrect; use 'playing bowls' or the correct sport name. 'My most of my memory occupied to spending with' is ungrammatical; correct is 'most of my memories are of spending time with them.' Suggestion: simplify and use correct noun plurality, use gerund 'playing', and express memories with 'are of' or 'consist of'.

× I think watching baseball game I mentioned before is the one I've had since childhood and because of the because of the like long moment, I feel it's more in interest, like interesting to watch because I've known many people, the main players.

✓ I think watching baseball games, which I mentioned before, is the hobby I've had since childhood, and because of the long time I've followed it, I find it more interesting to watch because I know many of the main players.

Article and number errors: 'baseball game' should be plural 'baseball games' or use 'watching baseball' generally. Awkward phrasing 'because of the because of the like long moment' should be 'because of the long time I've followed it.' 'I've known many people, the main players' should be 'I know many of the main players.' Suggestion: use commas to separate relative clauses, use present perfect 'I've followed' to indicate duration, and use 'know' for present familiarity.

× Yes, definitely. I always visit the stadium near my house with my sister and my mother because we all like watching and we are chilling the same team so it's like it also makes our friends.

✓ Yes, definitely. I always visit the stadium near my house with my sister and my mother because we all like watching the same team, and it also brings us closer as friends.

Pronoun and collocation errors: 'we are chilling the same team' is ungrammatical; likely meant 'we support the same team' or 'we watch the same team.' 'It also makes our friends' is unclear; corrected to 'brings us closer as friends' to express that the shared hobby strengthens relationships. Suggestion: use correct verbs for supporting teams ('support' or 'follow') and use clear phrases like 'brings us closer'.