分享— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence saying yes or no, then give one or two specific examples of how your parents taught sharing (actions, rules or routines). Use linking words (for example, for instance, because) to connect ideas and avoid unclear phrases like "they are paying." Keep it to 2–4 sentences.

範例: Yes, my parents taught me to share when I was a child. For example, they encouraged me to take turns with my siblings and donate toys we no longer used. Because of these habits, I learned to think about others and contribute to my community.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence naming the types of things you share (e.g., clothes, money, books). Then provide a specific reason and one example. Avoid repetition and correct grammar ("when I have more than I need," not "when you have more than money"). Use linking words like "for example" or "also."

範例: I like to share items I have in excess, such as clothes, books, and extra money. For example, when I have more clothes than I need, I donate them to a local charity so they can help people in need.

建議: Provide a clear opinion: name specific items that should not be shared (e.g., personal hygiene items, money for essential bills, or private documents) and explain why. Use linking words like "however" or "because" and give a short example to make your point clearer.

範例: I think most things can be shared, but personal items should not be. For example, you should not share toothbrushes or underwear because of hygiene concerns, and you should keep important documents private to protect your identity.

建議: Answer directly with a simple topic sentence (e.g., "Yes, I recently donated..."). Then give two specific items you donated and one brief detail about where or why (which charity or for what purpose). Correct verb forms and avoid fillers like "I I."

範例: Yes, I recently donated a large bag of clothes and several school books to a local charity. I chose a charity that supports students, so my workbooks will help children who cannot afford new materials.

建議: Start with a direct answer naming the person (e.g., "my closest friend" or "my family"). Then briefly explain why, using one clear reason. Avoid mixing unrelated ideas (sharing news vs. sharing possessions); keep focus on who you tell first and why.

範例: I would first share good news with my closest friend because we support each other and celebrate successes together. For example, they always encourage me and I know they will be genuinely happy for me.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence stating the types of news you share (e.g., good news, achievements, personal updates). Explain briefly why you share those (to celebrate or support each other). Avoid unclear or contradictory sentences and reduce hesitations.

範例: I usually share positive news and personal achievements with my friends, such as passing exams or getting a new job. I share these things to celebrate together and to strengthen our friendships.

× The word share gave a wide meaning for me.

✓ The word 'share' had a broad meaning for me.

The sentence used 'gave a wide meaning' which is unnatural. Use 'had a broad meaning' to describe how a word is perceived. 'Broad' is a better adjective here and 'had' (past tense) matches 'gave'. Also quote or italicize the word 'share' conceptually.

× Sharing. Well, they are paying.

✓ Sharing. Well, they taught me.

'They are paying' is incorrect in context and has wrong verb meaning and tense. The speaker refers to parents teaching, so use simple past 'taught' to match 'when I was very young'. This corrects verb choice and tense.

× Kindness is actually what my parents usually teach me when I was very young because they really need me to be a good citizen in the future with a community as well.

✓ Kindness is actually what my parents usually taught me when I was very young because they wanted me to be a good citizen in the community in the future.

Multiple issues: tense mismatch—use past 'taught' and 'wanted' to match 'when I was very young'. 'Need me to be' should be 'wanted me to be' for intention. 'With a community as well' is awkward; use 'in the community'. Rearranged for clarity and correct verb forms.

× Well, I usually gift and share with others which something is an too much or I or to be simplified when is enough to me.

✓ Well, I usually give gifts and share things with others when I have too many or when I no longer need them.

Original has many word choice and structure errors. Use 'give gifts' instead of 'gift', 'share things' clarifies object, 'when I have too many' expresses excess, and 'no longer need them' is a natural phrase. Corrects quantifier usage and sentence structure.

× So for instance money you have when you have when you have more than money, I would rather donate it for the charity.

✓ For instance, if you have extra money, I would rather donate it to charity.

Remove repetition and fix structure: 'if you have extra money' expresses condition, 'donate it to charity' is the correct preposition and noun use ('to charity' not 'for the charity'). Uses conditional meaning clearly.

× There's things I believe that everything can be shared, but in a situation that I cannot share, it is when there's some necessary things are limits which.

✓ There are things I believe should not be shared; for example, when necessary items are limited.

'There's things' should be 'There are things' (number agreement). Original clause is ungrammatical; rephrase to convey that some necessary items should not be shared. Use plural agreement and concise phrasing.

× Securely I have loads of clothing so I genuinely grab my clothings to the charity especially but as something also my books, my workbook as well.

✓ Certainly I have loads of clothing, so I donate my clothes to charity, and also my books and workbooks.

'Securely' is wrong word; use 'certainly'. 'Clothings' is incorrect plural; use 'clothes'. 'Grab my clothes to the charity' is wrong; use 'donate to charity'. Simplify list and correct word forms and prepositions.

× I I went to charity for school.

✓ I went to a charity for my school.

Double 'I' removed. Add article 'a' and possessive to clarify purpose: 'for my school'. Past tense 'went' is correct.

× I'll directly go with my closest friends because sometimes my closest friends doesn't have enough books or necessary so that's why I decided to give them.

✓ I'll go directly to my closest friends because sometimes my closest friends don't have enough books or necessities, so I decide to give them some.

Subject-verb agreement: 'friends' is plural, so use 'don't' not 'doesn't'. 'Necessary' should be 'necessities' (noun). Tense consistency: 'decided' changed to 'decide' to match 'I'll' future intention, or could be 'I decide'/'I would decide'; here 'I decide' keeps simple. Also change word order to natural phrasing.

× But to be honest, I want to go for charity as well.

✓ But to be honest, I also want to donate to charity.

'Go for charity' is awkward; use 'donate to charity' for clarity. Keep pronoun use consistent and verb precise.

× Honestly, I'm optimistic I'm going to have too much negative emotion, so that's why I would like to share the good news from my friends.

✓ Honestly, I'm optimistic and try to avoid negative emotions, so I like to share good news with my friends.

Original mixes ideas awkwardly. 'I'm going to have too much negative emotion' is unclear; better to say 'I try to avoid negative emotions'. Use 'share good news with my friends' rather than 'share the good news from my friends'. Improve adverb placement and clarity.

× Oh, congratulations. And I could, and I believe that you could, uh, make a great connection with.

✓ Oh, congratulations. I believe you could make a great connection.

Remove filler 'and I could' and trailing preposition 'with'. The sentence should be concise: 'I believe you could make a great connection.' This fixes sentence structure and removes unnecessary hesitation.