自行车— Part 1 評分報告

建議: 답변의 핵심 내용은 명확하지만, 어색한 표현과 조건문 오류가 있습니다. ‘when I was a pupil’보다는 ‘when I was a child’가 자연스럽고, ‘the reason is in my poor sporting prowess’는 ‘because I wasn’t very good at sports’로 바꾸는 것이 좋습니다. 또한 ‘regret about’이 아니라 ‘regret’, ‘if I ride’가 아니라 과거의 가정이므로 ‘if I had ridden’을 사용하세요. 첫 문장에서 직접 답한 뒤, 자전거를 타지 못한 이유와 현재의 아쉬움을 연결어로 간결하게 설명하면 더 효과적입니다.

範例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child, but I hardly ever rode it. Although my father taught me, I couldn’t keep my balance because I wasn’t very good at sports. Looking back, I regret not learning properly because cycling would have been a convenient way to get around.

建議: 첫 문장의 ‘isn’t biblical’은 의미와 맥락에 맞지 않으므로 ‘aren’t very popular’ 또는 ‘aren’t as popular as cars’로 표현해야 합니다. ‘the vast majority of students are suffering from high academic pressure’는 다소 과장되고 질문과 직접적인 연결이 약하므로, 학생들이 공부 때문에 자전거를 탈 시간이 부족하다고 자연스럽게 설명하세요. ‘take action of this phenomenon’은 ‘take action to address this issue’로 수정해야 합니다. 국가 전체의 경향을 말한 뒤 학생들의 상황과 정부가 할 수 있는 해결책을 연결하면 답변의 논리성과 구체성이 향상됩니다.

範例: Bikes are fairly popular in my country, especially among children and university students, but cars and public transportation are still more common. Many schoolchildren have little free time because of heavy academic pressure. However, if the government built more cycling lanes and bike parks, more young people might ride regularly.

× I had a bike when I was a pupil, however I didn't ride it at all.

✓ I had a bike when I was a pupil; however, I didn't ride it at all.

However is a conjunctive adverb, so it cannot normally join two independent clauses with only a comma. Use a semicolon before however and a comma after it. Alternatively, start a new sentence with However.

× The reason is in my poor sporting prowess, though my father taught me how to ride a bike, I couldn't keep my balance.

✓ The reason was my poor sporting prowess. Although my father taught me how to ride a bike, I couldn't keep my balance.

The student is describing a past experience, so is should be changed to was. Although introduces the contrast more clearly, and the sentence should be divided to avoid joining several clauses incorrectly.

× The reason is in my poor sporting prowess, though my father taught me how to ride a bike, I couldn't keep my balance.

✓ The reason was my poor sporting prowess. Although my father taught me how to ride a bike, I couldn't keep my balance.

The original sentence contains several independent and dependent clauses joined only by commas. This creates a run-on sentence. Separate the ideas into two sentences and use Although to connect the contrast correctly.

× I regret about this decision because if I ride a bike, I could arrive to my destination early.

✓ I regret this decision because, if I had ridden a bike, I could have arrived at my destination earlier.

The verb regret is used directly with its object, so about is unnecessary. The correct preposition after arrive is at, not to. Because the student is imagining a different past result, use the third conditional: if I had ridden and could have arrived.

× I regret about this decision because if I ride a bike, I could arrive to my destination early.

✓ I regret this decision because, if I had ridden a bike, I could have arrived at my destination earlier.

The sentence refers to an unreal alternative in the past. Use the past perfect after if and could have plus the past participle in the result clause: if I had ridden and could have arrived.

× I regret about this decision because if I ride a bike, I could arrive to my destination early.

✓ I regret this decision because, if I had ridden a bike, I could have arrived at my destination earlier.

Regret does not require the preposition about when it is followed by a noun phrase. Also, arrive is followed by at when referring to a destination.

× From my perspective, governments should take action of this phenomenon for children.

✓ From my perspective, governments should take action on this issue to help children.

The fixed expression is take action on an issue or problem, not take action of a phenomenon. To help children clearly expresses the purpose of the action.