自行车— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and use correct grammar and word order. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler phrases like “you know” and repeated words. Correct verb forms and prepositions (e.g. “when I was three,” “my brother and I rode together,” “to go to school”).

範例: Yes. I had a bike from the age of three because my grandparents bought one for me. Later, my brother and I often rode it together to play and sometimes cycled part of the way to school, which made our commute more fun.

建議: Provide a clear topic sentence followed by two or three well-linked, specific reasons. Use varied vocabulary and correct collocations (e.g. “cycling for exercise,” “use bikes as a means of transport,” “enjoy cycling as a hobby or sport”). Reduce repetition and improve sentence fluency by using linking words such as “first,” “also,” and “finally.”

範例: Yes, bicycles are quite popular in my country. First, many people cycle for exercise and to stay healthy. Also, bikes are an affordable means of transport for those who cannot afford cars. Finally, cycling is a growing hobby and sport, with local races and clubs attracting many enthusiasts.

× during when I was three years old, my grandma and grandpa bought a bike for me.

✓ when I was three years old, my grandma and grandpa bought a bike for me.

The phrase 'during when' is incorrect; 'during' and 'when' both indicate time and should not be used together. Use 'when' for specific ages. Suggestion: use 'when I was three years old'.

× And that time I and my brother, you know, took bike together and we played together because we really like we really wanted to take bike to our school.

✓ At that time my brother and I rode the bike together and we played because we really wanted to ride the bike to our school.

Pronoun order in English places the speaker last ('my brother and I'). 'Took bike' is incorrect verb and article usage; 'ride the bike' is the natural collocation. Also repeated phrase 'we really like we really' is redundant. Suggestion: use 'rode the bike' or 'ride the bike' and correct pronoun order.

× So I did have a bike during I was.

✓ So I did have a bike when I was a child.

The fragment 'during I was' is ungrammatical. Use 'when I was a child' to match past context. 'Did have' is acceptable for emphasis in past, but keep consistent by using 'I had a bike when I was a child.'

× Bikes are popular in my country. It includes several reasons.

✓ Bikes are popular in my country for several reasons.

'It includes several reasons' is awkward and ungrammatical. Combine into one sentence and use 'for several reasons' to introduce explanations.

× First, some people like exercising themselves by taking bikes.

✓ First, some people like exercising by riding bikes.

'Taking bikes' is incorrect collocation; use 'riding bikes'. 'Exercising themselves' is wordy; 'exercising' suffices. Suggestion: 'like exercising by riding bikes.'

× Second, some people have to take bike their transportation tool because some people don't have vehicles in China.

✓ Second, some people have to use bikes as their means of transportation because they don't have vehicles in China.

Word order and collocations are incorrect: 'take bike their transportation tool' should be 'use bikes as their means of transportation.' Replace repeated 'some people' with 'they' to avoid repetition.

× The third reason is that some people really enjoy taking bikes like their hobbies.

✓ The third reason is that some people really enjoy riding bikes as a hobby.

Again, 'taking bikes' is incorrect; use 'riding bikes.' 'Like their hobbies' is awkward; 'as a hobby' is natural.

× They want to have some competition.

✓ They also enjoy competing in cycling events.

The original is vague and unnatural. To convey that people want competition, specify 'competing in cycling events' or 'races.' This clarifies meaning and improves sentence structure.