自行车— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise, correct grammar and use linking words. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two clear supporting details. Correct errors such as “he learned me” → “he taught me,” and avoid filler (“uh,” “yeah”).

範例: Yes. I had a bicycle as a child, but I struggled to ride it at first. Fortunately, one of my cousins visited for a few days and taught me to balance and pedal. After practicing with him, I was able to ride confidently.

建議: Give a clear direct opinion first, then support it with specific reasons using linking words. Remove repetition and improve sentence structure. Use concrete details (traffic, pollution, terrain) and a brief comparison if useful.

範例: Not really. In Tehran, bicycles are uncommon because the city is large and very crowded, which makes cycling unsafe. In addition, heavy traffic, steep hills and high pollution discourage people from using bikes, so most prefer motorbikes or cars.

× Yes, I remember having a bicycle when I was a child and I remember that I struggled riding my bicycle for a long time since, uh, one of my cousins came to our house for a couple of days and he started working on me and yeah, he learned me.

✓ Yes, I remember having a bicycle when I was a child, and I remember that I struggled with riding my bicycle for a long time because one of my cousins came to our house for a couple of days and he started helping me, and yeah, he taught me.

The phrase 'struggled riding' needs a preposition: use 'struggled with riding' (verb + -ing requires appropriate preposition). 'Since' is incorrect here for a reason; use 'because' to show cause. 'Working on me' is informal/unclear — 'helping me' fits the context. 'He learned me' is incorrect because 'learn' is not used transitively that way in English; the correct verb is 'teach' in past tense 'taught me'. Suggestions: use 'struggled with riding', replace 'since' with 'because' when giving a reason, use 'helping me' or 'teaching me', and use 'taught me' as the past tense of 'teach'.

× I don't have enough knowledge for all the cities in my country, but in Tehran for example, where I live, people don't usually ride bicycles because Tehran is such a big city and so crowded, so dirty, so people just and with a lot of slopes, so people don't really consider bikes.

✓ I don't have enough knowledge about all the cities in my country, but in Tehran, for example, where I live, people don't usually ride bicycles because Tehran is such a big city, so crowded and so polluted, and with a lot of slopes, people don't really consider riding bikes.

Use 'about' after 'knowledge' instead of 'for'. Run-on and redundancy are present: combine clauses and remove extra 'so' and 'people just and'. 'Dirty' is acceptable but 'polluted' is more natural for a city; keep consistent verb forms: 'consider riding bikes' rather than 'consider bikes'. Suggestions: use 'knowledge about', insert commas for clarity, replace repeated 'so' and fix word order to make sentences grammatical and natural.