自行车— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and structured. Start with a direct topic sentence, then briefly explain the reason using one linking phrase (e.g., “because” or “after”) and one specific detail. Avoid hesitation and unnecessary repetition. Aim for 2–3 sentences, using past simple consistently and correct pronouns (e.g., “my brother”).

範例: No, I didn't. I was afraid of bikes as a child because I once saw my brother fall off his bike, and that experience put me off riding. Therefore, I decided not to learn.

建議: Avoid personal remarks about the question and avoid filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence about overall popularity, then contrast urban and rural areas using linking words (e.g., “however”, “in contrast”) and give specific reasons such as cost and infrastructure. Choose precise place names or generic terms (e.g., “city centres” instead of unclear names) and keep to 2–3 sentences.

範例: Yes, bikes are popular in some parts of my country, especially in city centres where people use them for short trips. However, in rural areas they are less common because bikes can be expensive and roads or bike lanes are limited, so many people rely on walking or motor transport.

× No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child because one, I was scared of bikes because I saw a brother of mine falling off of a bike and I got scared and I decided that I don't want to have a bike.

✓ No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child because, first, I was scared of bikes after I saw my brother fall off a bike, and I decided that I didn't want to have a bike.

Multiple tense inconsistencies: the speaker uses past tense (didn't have, was scared, saw, got scared, decided) but then switches to present tense don't want. Maintain past tense for past events: use didn't want. Also simplify phrasing: 'a brother of mine' is awkward; 'my brother' is clearer. Use 'fall off' as base form after 'saw' (saw him fall) or 'fell' for subordinate clause: 'saw my brother fall' is correct.

× Umm, it's an uninteresting question.

✓ Umm, that's an uninteresting question.

The issue is not strictly a preposition but a demonstrative choice: use 'that's' (that is) to refer to the question just asked. This aligns the sentence to natural spoken English. If strictly following the list, this most closely fits replacement of a word/phrase rather than preposition; however the correction improves grammatical reference.

× in some places it's very popular, like in the main areas in downtown Addis Harbour especially,

✓ In some places it's very popular, especially in the main areas downtown in Addis Harbour,

Preposition order and word order are awkward. Use 'especially' before the phrase it modifies and place 'downtown' after 'areas' or 'in Addis Harbour' for natural order. 'in the main areas in downtown Addis Harbour' is redundant; 'in the main areas downtown in Addis Harbour' is clearer.

× but on villages in rural places, it's not common and it's not popular, umm, because one, it's it's expensive, it's not accessible to everybody, especially the ones who live in the tower town.

✓ but in villages in rural areas it's not common or popular, because, firstly, it's expensive and not accessible to everybody, especially those who live in the outer parts of town.

Use 'in villages' not 'on villages'. 'rural places' -> 'rural areas' is more natural. Combine 'not common or popular' for concision. 'the ones' -> 'those' is more natural. 'tower town' is unclear; likely 'outer parts of town' or 'town outskirts' fits context. Also avoid repeated 'it's' and 'one' as list marker; use 'firstly' or 'first'.