自行车— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and correct tense/grammar, and organize into a clear topic sentence plus 1–2 supporting details. Avoid redundancy (e.g., “riding around that bike” → “riding it”) and fix sentence fragments. Use linking words to connect the memory and your future aspiration.

範例: Yes, I had a bike as a child. It was a gift from my father, and I loved riding it around our small neighborhood. That experience inspired me: I dreamed of becoming a writer who could cycle around town and along the beach in my free time.

建議: Make the answer more direct and fluent: start with a clear opinion, then give 1–2 specific reasons using linking words. Correct awkward phrasing (e.g., “so that they wouldn't be able to use their money and save it” → “so they can save money”). Use a broader example or statistic if possible to strengthen your point.

範例: Bikes are fairly popular in the Philippines. Many people, especially in less affluent areas, use bicycles because they are inexpensive and practical for short trips. For example, students and market vendors often cycle to save on transport costs.

× I really enjoyed riding around that bike in our small neighborhood.

✓ I really enjoyed riding that bike around our small neighborhood.

Word order and usage: 'riding around that bike' incorrectly suggests moving around the bike; we mean riding the bike around the neighborhood. Also no plural issue but this fits under singular/plural ID guidance to adjust noun phrase order for clarity. Suggestion: place the object 'that bike' immediately after 'riding' and 'around our small neighborhood' after it to convey the intended meaning.

× And that was the moment that I realized that when I grew up.

✓ That was the moment I realized when I grew up what I wanted to be.

The original sentence has a broken clause order and unclear reference: 'realized that when I grew up' places the time phrase incorrectly. Reorder clauses so the realization content is clear. Suggestion: move the time phrase after 'realized' or restructure to 'I realized when I grew up what I wanted to be.'

× I want to be a lady writer who rides her bike all around town and even ride near the beach.

✓ I want to be a lady writer who rides her bike all around town and even rides near the beach.

Parallelism and subject-verb agreement: both verbs describing what 'who' does must use the third person singular form 'rides'. Mixing 'rides' and 'ride' breaks parallel structure. Suggestion: keep verbs parallel and use 'rides' for both actions.

× I think bikes are somewhat popular in our country, especially that not all of us here in the Philippines grew up in a well off family, so riding a bicycle would really help them have an easier mode of transportation so that they wouldn't be able to use their money and save it.

✓ I think bikes are somewhat popular in our country, especially because not all of us here in the Philippines grew up in well-off families, so riding a bicycle really helps people have an easier mode of transportation and save money.

Multiple issues: 'especially that' is incorrect — use 'especially because'. 'a well off family' should be plural 'well-off families'. 'would really help them have an easier mode of transportation' is wordy and mismatched in tense/person; use 'really helps people have an easier mode of transportation'. Finally, 'so that they wouldn't be able to use their money and save it' is illogical and ungrammatical; intended meaning is 'and save money'. Suggestion: simplify and correct prepositions, plural nouns, and sentence flow for clarity.

× It was a gift from my father and I really enjoyed riding around that bike in our small neighborhood.

✓ It was a gift from my father, and I really enjoyed riding that bike around our small neighborhood.

Use of 'that bike' is acceptable, but the original sentence needs a comma before 'and' joining two independent clauses. Also repositioning 'around' avoids ambiguity. Suggestion: add comma for proper compound sentence punctuation and adjust word order for clarity.