自行车— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes, I did), briefly add specific supporting details (who taught you, falls, feelings) using linking words, correct grammar, and avoid unclear phrases like “I loved to hide.” Keep it within 3–4 sentences. Focus on clarity and coherence.

範例: Yes, I did. My father taught me to ride when I was about seven, and I fell many times at first, which was frustrating. However, with practice I improved quickly and felt very proud when I could ride confidently around the neighborhood.

建議: Give a clear direct answer and use correct grammar and precise vocabulary. Start with a topic sentence (Yes, bikes are popular), then give two specific reasons with linking words (for example, because… and because…). Replace unclear words like “hide” and “circle” with appropriate verbs (own, ride) and give a short example or statistic to support your point.

範例: Yes, bikes are very popular in Brazil. For example, almost every child owns a bike, because cycling gives people a sense of freedom and is an inexpensive form of transport. Additionally, many cities have safe bike paths, so people often ride for exercise and commuting.

× Yes, and I remember that my father taught me how to ride a bike at the time and I fell a lot of times.

✓ Yes, I remember that my father taught me how to ride a bike, and I fell many times.

The sentence uses past tense (taught) so accompanying verbs should also be simple past. 'fell a lot of times' is awkward; use 'fell many times' or 'fell a lot' and remove redundancy. Also remove unnecessary 'at the time'. Suggestion: keep past tense consistency and use natural collocations.

× I remember that you what it was so difficult to learn how to ride a bike.

✓ I remember how difficult it was to learn to ride a bike.

The original contains extraneous words and incorrect word order ('you what it was'). This is a sentence structure and word-order error. Use 'I remember how difficult it was' and the infinitive 'to learn to ride' (or 'learn how to ride'). This corrects the structure and makes the sentence natural.

× However I loved to hide.

✓ However, I loved it.

'Loved to hide' does not make sense in context; likely the student meant 'I loved it' referring to riding the bike. This is a word-choice/verb issue. Also add a comma after 'However'. If they meant 'I loved riding,' then 'However, I loved riding it' or 'However, I loved riding my bike' would be better.

× In Brazil is very common, hiding a bike every, almost every kid has one.

✓ In Brazil it is very common; almost every kid has one.

The original mixes nouns and gerunds incorrectly and omits the subject 'it'. 'Hiding a bike every' is incorrect. Use 'it is very common' and remove 'hiding'. Keep clear subject-verb order and correct punctuation.

× And people like that because the freedom, the freedom spirit that it brings.

✓ People like them because of the freedom and the feeling of independence they bring.

Original misuses pronouns and articles ('like that', 'the freedom spirit that it brings'). Use 'like them' referring to bikes, or better 'People like bikes because of the freedom and the feeling of independence they bring.' Use 'because of' for reason and plural pronoun 'they' to agree with 'bikes'.

× And another reason is because you can circle.

✓ Another reason is that you can ride around freely.

'You can circle' is incorrect collocation in this context. Use 'ride around' or 'cycle' to express moving by bike. Also prefer 'Another reason is that...' rather than 'is because'.