学习— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Reduce hesitations and repetition, use clearer sentence structure and correct tense, and keep it within 3–4 concise sentences. Begin with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details (e.g., what you are preparing and why).

範例: I'm currently a high school senior preparing university applications. I'm applying for cinema programs, so I'm assembling a portfolio and shooting a few short films to include. Because of this, my days are very busy with planning, filming, and editing.

建議: Correct factual and vocabulary errors and avoid unclear phrases. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the school and its location, then give 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words (e.g., 'because' or 'however').

範例: I study at Tefikrit Lise in Alfonzak, a French high school. Because it emphasizes French language and culture, many graduates apply to universities in France; however, I plan to apply to programs in France, England and Italy.

建議: Clarify unclear words and organize points with linking words. Give specific examples of clubs and explain briefly how they helped (skills gained). Keep to 3–4 sentences maximum.

範例: Yes, it's a good place to study because it offers many extracurricular clubs. For example, I joined the debate club for several years, which improved my public speaking and critical thinking. I was also active in the theatre club for five years, which helped my confidence and creativity.

建議: Avoid filler words and wordiness; state one clear recommendation and support it with a concise reason and possible effect. Use correct grammar and fewer repetitions.

範例: Yes. I would suggest limiting student intake because the school building is quite small and becomes overcrowded. Reducing numbers would ease congestion and improve learning conditions.

建議: Fix grammar and unclear phrases, avoid colloquialisms, and present a clear plan with one or two specific actions you are taking now. Keep it concise and use linking words like 'because' or 'so'.

範例: I plan to study filmmaking at university, so I'm preparing my portfolio and shooting short films to include. Because this has been my dream since I was nine, I'm dedicating most of my time to filming and editing projects I can submit with my application.

× I'm a student right now, I'm going to be a senior so I'm looking for university applications right now and I'm really busy with them.

✓ I'm a student right now; I'm going to be a senior, so I'm preparing university applications and I'm really busy with them.

Run-on sentence and awkward verb choice: 'looking for university applications' is not idiomatic; use 'preparing university applications'. Also add punctuation and conjunction 'so' to connect clauses clearly. Use consistent present continuous for ongoing actions.

× It basically took takes my whole day.

✓ It basically takes my whole day.

Mixed tense/word form: 'took' is past while context requires present ('takes'). Remove the past form and keep present simple 'takes' to express habitual effect.

× I want to study cinema so I'm preparing A portfolio and umm trying to shoot my short films right now.

✓ I want to study cinema, so I'm preparing a portfolio and trying to shoot short films right now.

Article capitalization: 'A' should be lowercase 'a'. 'My short films' implies ownership and may be okay, but 'short films' is more natural here. Add comma before 'so' and remove filler 'umm'.

× So it's a pretty busy time of my life.

✓ So it's a pretty busy time in my life.

Preposition choice: 'of my life' is not wrong but 'in my life' is more natural when describing a period; this is a stylistic correction to improve fluency.

× I'm studying in high school which is called Tefikritlisse in Alfonzak.

✓ I'm studying at a high school called Tefikritlisse in Alfonzak.

Use 'at' for institutions like schools; include the article 'a' before 'high school'. Also reposition 'called' for smoother phrasing.

× It's a French high school which focuses on French language and French culture mostly, so people who went there mostly look for university applications in France.

✓ It's a French high school that focuses mostly on the French language and culture, so students who go there mostly apply to universities in France.

Use 'that' for restrictive clauses; move 'mostly' to modify 'focuses'; use 'the' before 'French language and culture'; 'people who went there mostly look for university applications' is unidiomatic—use 'students who go there mostly apply to universities'. Maintain present tense for general facts.

× But I want to apply to both friends and both England and Italy at the same time.

✓ But I want to apply to both France and England, and also Italy at the same time.

Original has 'friends' (wrong word) and duplicated 'both'. Likely intended 'France'. Use correct country names and structure: 'both France and England' for two items; adding 'and also Italy' if three items are intended. Clarify list.

× I was pretty happy about going there since there are many options of clubs.

✓ I was pretty happy about going there since there were many club options.

Mixing past and present: student refers to past attendance ('was'); follow with past 'there were'. Also 'options of clubs' is awkward—'club options' or 'options for clubs' is better.

× I did a meander for my five years of high school, UMM, which prepared me for university, such as doing debates.

✓ I participated in a program called UMM for my five years of high school, which prepared me for university by, for example, offering debate experience.

Original 'did a meander' is incorrect and unclear. Replace with 'participated in a program called UMM'. Clarify how it prepared the student: use 'which prepared me for university by offering debate experience'.

× Also, I've been in the club of theater for five years.

✓ Also, I've been in the theater club for five years.

Word order: 'theater club' is the natural phrase. Present perfect 'I've been' is correct for an action continuing to present.

× For this specific high school that I went to, I would suggest that they umm, apply less students since the building of school is really small and a lot of people takes a lot of place so it's a bit crowded.

✓ For this specific high school that I attended, I would suggest that they admit fewer students since the school building is really small and many people take up a lot of space, so it's a bit crowded.

Several errors: 'went to' better as 'attended'. 'Apply less students' is incorrect—schools 'admit' students; use 'fewer' with countable 'students'. 'Building of school' should be 'school building'. 'People takes' should be 'people take' (subject-verb agreement). Rephrase 'take up a lot of space'.

× As I said before, I'm planning on studying filmmaking in university so I'm preparing My Portfolio and I'm really focused and keen on it because it's been my dream job since I was like 9.

✓ As I said before, I'm planning to study filmmaking at university, so I'm preparing my portfolio and I'm really focused on it because it's been my dream job since I was about nine.

Use 'planning to study' (correct infinitive), 'at university' is standard, 'My Portfolio' capitalization fixed, 'keen on' can be omitted or replaced by 'focused on'. Use 'about nine' rather than 'like 9' in formal speech.

× Right now I chat with short films which I'm really proud of.

✓ Right now I'm working on short films which I'm really proud of.

'chat with short films' is incorrect; likely 'work on' or 'shoot' is intended. Use present continuous 'I'm working on' to show ongoing activity. Keep relative clause 'which I'm really proud of'.