学习— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Make the response slightly more concise and natural by using one clear topic sentence and then one or two linked supporting details. Avoid listing too many tasks without linking words. Also correct minor grammar issues (e.g., 'end-to-end tasks' and 'vendor negotiations').

範例: I run my own clothing brand as an entrepreneur; I started it in 2022. In addition to overseeing product design, I manage end-to-end tasks such as inventory control and procurement, and I also handle vendor negotiations and marketing to grow sales.

建議: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence about where you studied and keep chronology simple. Avoid repetition (e.g., 'have completed' and 'had completed') and unnecessary phrases like 'I am a working woman' unless relevant. Use linking words to show sequence.

範例: I completed my bachelor's degree at the Global Institute of Technology and Management in 2015 and then went on to earn a master's degree from Guru Jambheshwar University. After finishing my studies I started working as an entrepreneur.

建議: Provide one clear opinion and then two specific supporting details. Reduce repetition (avoid 'very' multiple times) and correct phrasing ('known as a technical university' and 'many kinds of technical courses'). Use linking words like 'for example' or 'also'.

範例: Yes, it's a good place to study because the campus has a vibrant academic atmosphere. For example, many students from nearby villages come here for quality higher education, and the university is well known for its range of technical courses and practical training.

建議: Start with a direct answer (yes/no) and then give a specific change with reasons. Avoid filler words ('uh', 'well') and improve grammar ('there are very few buses' and 'from the bus stop to the university'). Use a linking word like 'because' to explain why.

範例: Yes, I would improve the university's transportation. Specifically, I would increase the number of buses because currently there are very few services from the main bus stop to campus, which makes commuting difficult for many students.

建議: Give a concise topic sentence stating the plan and then one or two clear reasons. Remove hesitation and repetition ('which which' and 'very good uh'). Mention a specific benefit of studying in the UK to make it more concrete.

範例: I plan to pursue a master's in supply chain management and logistics at a university in the UK. I chose the UK because its programs offer a strong academic curriculum and excellent international exposure, which will help me build global industry connections.

× 'I manage end to end task of my brand including inventory management, procurement, vendor discussions as well as sales and marketing.'

✓ 'I manage the end-to-end tasks of my brand, including inventory management, procurement, vendor discussions, sales, and marketing.'

'Manage' is correct for first person, but the noun phrase 'end to end task' has number and article issues causing subject–verb agreement and noun form awkwardness. Use the definite article 'the', hyphenate 'end-to-end' as a compound modifier, and pluralize 'task' to 'tasks' to match the idea of multiple responsibilities. Also add commas and an Oxford comma for clarity. Suggestion: Use 'I manage the end-to-end tasks of my brand' or 'I am responsible for end-to-end tasks'.

× 'I work as an entrepreneur and I have been running my own clothing brand since 2022.'

✓ 'I work as an entrepreneur and have been running my own clothing brand since 2022.'

The original repeats the subject 'I' unnecessarily; not strictly wrong but stylistically repetitive. Also keep the present perfect continuous 'have been running' which correctly expresses an action started in the past and continuing to the present. Suggestion: Combine clauses for smoother present-tense narration.

× 'I have completed my bachelor's degree from Global Institute of Technology and Management in 2015.'

✓ 'I completed my bachelor's degree at the Global Institute of Technology and Management in 2015.'

Use 'at' (or 'from') rather than 'from' is acceptable but 'at' is more natural here; include the definite article 'the' before institution names when appropriate; also use simple past 'completed' with a finished time expression 'in 2015' rather than present perfect. Suggestion: 'I completed my bachelor's degree at the Global Institute of Technology and Management in 2015.'

× 'After that I have completed my masters.'

✓ 'After that, I completed my master's degree.'

When a past time sequence is established ('After that'), use simple past 'completed' rather than present perfect 'have completed'. Also include the possessive apostrophe in 'master's' and optionally 'degree' for clarity. Suggestion: 'After that, I completed my master's degree.'

× 'I had completed my masters from Guru Jamveshwar University and now I'm working as an entrepreneur.'

✓ 'I completed my master's degree at Guru Jambheshwar University, and now I'm working as an entrepreneur.'

Using past perfect 'had completed' is unnecessary unless comparing two past events; simple past 'completed' is appropriate. Use 'at' for institution, correct spelling of 'Jambheshwar' if that is the intended name (original had 'Jamveshwar'), include possessive apostrophe in 'master's', and join clauses with a comma and 'and'. Suggestion: Use simple past for completed past events.

× 'This university is also known for Technical University.'

✓ 'This university is also known as a technical university.'

The phrase 'known for Technical University' is ungrammatical. Use 'known as a technical university' or 'known for its technical programs'. Use lower-case 'technical' and include the article 'a'. Suggestion: 'This university is also known as a technical university.'

× 'There are many different kind of technical uh education.'

✓ 'There are many different kinds of technical education.'

Use plural 'kinds' to match 'many', and 'of' after 'kinds'. The noun phrase 'technical education' is correct; remove filler 'uh'. Suggestion: 'There are many different kinds of technical education.'

× 'Well, I never think about the changes, uh, what I want to made, uh, but if I get some chance in my life to change, then I will change a transportation facility, uh, because there are very less number of buses and public transportation, uh, comes from bus stop to the university.'

✓ 'Well, I never thought about what changes I wanted to make, but if I had the chance in my life to make changes, I would improve the transportation facilities because very few buses and public transport services run from the bus stop to the university.'

Multiple tense and grammar problems: 'never think' should be past 'never thought' when discussing prior consideration; 'what I want to made' mixes tenses and forms—use 'what changes I wanted to make' or 'what I want to make'; conditional phrasing requires 'if I had the chance... I would...' rather than 'if I get some chance... then I will change'. 'A transportation facility' is awkward; use plural 'transportation facilities' or 'the transportation service'. 'Very less number of buses' is ungrammatical—use 'very few buses' or 'a small number of buses'. 'Public transportation comes from bus stop' should be 'public transport services run from the bus stop to the university.' Suggestion: Use consistent tense and clearer conditionals: 'If I had the chance, I would improve the transportation facilities because very few buses run from the bus stop to the university.'

× 'Well, I am planning to do my masters in supply chain management and logistics from the UK university UH, which which provides a very good uh, educational academic curriculum as well as a very good uh, global exposure.'

✓ 'Well, I am planning to do my master's in supply chain management and logistics at a university in the UK that provides a strong academic curriculum as well as good global exposure.'

Use possessive 'master's'. Use 'at a university in the UK' rather than 'from the UK university'. Remove repeated words 'which which' and filler 'uh'. 'Educational academic curriculum' is redundant—use 'academic curriculum'. 'Very good' repeated is repetitive; use varied vocabulary like 'strong' and 'good'. Suggestion: 'I am planning to do my master's in supply chain management and logistics at a university in the UK that offers a strong academic curriculum and good global exposure.'