学习— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and organize your response: start with a clear topic sentence (work and student), then give one brief supporting detail about each role. Reduce hesitations (uh, um) and avoid redundant phrases ("that is educated"). Aim for 2–3 sentences and use linking words like "and" or "also."

範例: I work as a clinical dietitian and a quality controller at Frost Nutrition. I am also studying in UMM's continuing education program to gain certification, so I combine work with further study.

建議: Open with a clear topic sentence stating where you study, then give specific supporting details. Remove fillers (uh) and avoid repeating the idea of updating yourself twice. Use linking words like "and" or "also" to connect ideas and mention one concrete course or topic.

範例: I study online, taking courses in diabetic nutrition, including a program offered by Monash University. I have already finished my formal dietetics degree and now take these courses to update my clinical knowledge.

建議: Answer more directly and clearly: state your overall opinion first, then give specific reasons or evidence. Eliminate hesitations and unclear comparisons ("attracting UH"). If you mean the online platform is better, say so and explain why (e.g., user-friendly interface, good materials). Keep to 2–3 sentences.

範例: I think it's a good place to study based on high ratings and positive reviews for both universities. Since I study online, I find the IT platform user-friendly and well-organized, which makes learning easier.

建議: Make your point clear and give a specific suggestion. Start with a direct statement of the change you want, then explain why and give one concrete example (e.g., more clinical placements, simulation labs). Avoid vague endings and hesitations.

範例: Yes. I would increase practical clinical exposure during the degree so students gain hands-on experience at the right time. For example, adding supervised placements in hospitals each year would reduce time spent learning procedures after graduation.

建議: Start with a clear, concise goal sentence, then give specific steps you are taking. Avoid repeating ideas ("established" and "get license" together) and use linking words like "so" or "therefore" to connect actions to goals. Keep it to 2 sentences.

範例: My goal is to become a registered dietitian in Australia. Therefore, I am taking APD coaching to prepare for the certification exam required to work as a senior or chief dietitian.

× I am working as a clinical dietitian as well as a quality controller at Frost Nutrition.

✓ I work as a clinical dietitian and as a quality controller at Frost Nutrition.

The student used present continuous 'am working' to describe regular employment; simple present 'work' is more appropriate for habitual or permanent jobs. Use simple present for routines and occupations.

× But I can consider myself as a student too because I am part of UMM continuing education program where I am learning uh to become certified that is educated.

✓ I also consider myself a student because I am part of the UMM continuing education program, where I am studying to become certified.

The sentence has awkward conjunctions and phrasing. 'Can consider myself' is unnecessary; use 'consider myself'. 'Learning to become certified that is educated' is incorrect and unclear; use 'studying to become certified'. Remove extra 'as' after 'consider' and add commas for clarity.

× These days I have enrolled in some online courses which are providing education regarding diabetic nutrition and I am also, uh, participating in a course run by Monash University of Australia.

✓ These days I have enrolled in some online courses that provide education on diabetic nutrition, and I am also participating in a course run by Monash University Australia.

Use present perfect 'have enrolled' correctly; change 'which are providing' to simple present 'that provide' for general course content. 'Regarding' is better as 'on'. Remove filler words and extra prepositions.

× Uh, I have already completed my formal education to become a dietitian.

✓ I have already completed my formal education to become a dietitian.

Remove filler 'Uh' in formal answer. The tense 'have completed' (present perfect) is correct to indicate past action with present relevance; no further change needed except removing fillers.

× I'm just updating myself these days.

✓ I'm just updating my knowledge these days.

'Updating myself' is awkward; the correct collocation is 'updating my knowledge' or 'updating my skills'. Use the noun to show what is being updated.

× I am not sure about the kind of place it is, but I have seen a good Google rating and uh amazing review regarding the place umm of these two universities.

✓ I'm not sure what the place is like, but I have seen good Google ratings and amazing reviews for these two universities.

Original has awkward pronoun and word order. Use 'what the place is like' for description. Use plural 'ratings' and 'reviews' to match meaning. Remove fillers.

× I have just enrolled online so the IT is much more presentable and attracting UH as compared with the universities.

✓ I enrolled online, so the IT support/interface is much more presentable and appealing compared with the universities.

'The IT' is vague; specify 'IT support' or 'IT interface'. 'Attracting UH' is unclear; use 'appealing'. Choose past simple 'enrolled' for a completed action. Compare structures clearly.

× I really want to make several changes in the university where I completed my graduation.

✓ I really want to make several changes at the university where I completed my degree.

Use 'at the university' rather than 'in' for institutions, and 'completed my degree' is more natural than 'completed my graduation'.

× Uh, it has very less practical exposure to the student, which should be, uh, given to them on the right time so they don't waste, umm, many clinical hours just to exploring about particular.

✓ It offers very little practical exposure to students, which should be provided at the right time so they don't waste many clinical hours just exploring particular topics.

'Very less' is incorrect; use 'very little'. Match plurals: 'students' and 'topics'. Use 'provided at the right time' for timing. Remove unnecessary 'to' before 'exploring' and clarify 'particular topics'.

× I really want to get established as a registered dietitian, so I have enrolled myself for APD coaching which is a particular exam to establish and get license to work as a chief dietitian in Australia.

✓ I want to become a registered dietitian, so I have enrolled in APD coaching; this is the exam pathway to obtain a license to work as a chief dietitian in Australia.

Use 'become' rather than 'get established'. 'Enrolled myself for' is incorrect; use 'enrolled in'. Clarify that APD coaching prepares for the exam and that the exam leads to a license. Use 'obtain a license' for formality.

× So I'm working on that only.

✓ So I'm working on that.

'On that only' is unnatural in English. Use 'on that' or 'only on that' depending on meaning. Here 'So I'm working on that' is natural and concise.