学习— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Give a clear topic sentence, simplify and correct grammar, and avoid redundancy. Start with one direct sentence stating your status, then briefly add one supporting detail about working part-time. Use linking words like 'also' or 'so' and keep it within 2–3 sentences.

範例: I am a sixth-semester zoology student. I also tutor school students in my free time to earn money, so I don't have to rely on my parents.

建議: Open with the university name clearly, then give one or two concise supporting details. Correct tense and reduce fillers like 'uh'. Use a linking word such as 'and' or 'but' to connect ideas.

範例: I study at the University of Gujarat. It takes me about an hour to get there by the university bus, and the long commute often leaves me feeling tired.

建議: Start with a direct opinion sentence, then give two specific examples of how it helps you and use linking words such as 'because' and 'for example'. Reduce hesitations and correct collocations (e.g., 'give us skills' → 'help us develop skills').

範例: Yes, it is a very good place to study because the teachers encourage active learning. For example, we do presentations and quizzes, which help us develop communication and critical thinking skills.

建議: Begin with one clear change you want and explain briefly why with a specific example. Avoid repeating the same idea and complete your sentence. Use linking words like 'because' and 'therefore'.

範例: I would like the university to improve the transport system because buses are often overcrowded. For example, there are not enough buses or seats, so many students have to stand during the long commute.

建議: Give a direct, positive statement about your plans, then provide specific reasons in one or two short sentences. Avoid vague phrases and negative overgeneralizations; use clearer reasons such as better education opportunities or specific fields.

範例: I plan to study abroad to pursue better educational opportunities and gain international experience. For instance, I hope to enroll in a master's program in zoology where I can work with advanced laboratories and research mentors.

× I am studying zoology semester 6 and I am a student and I give vision to some of my students in the free time to manage my dues because I don't want to pressurize my parents so I manage myself to do both things at the same time.

✓ I am studying zoology in my sixth semester and I am a student. I give tuition to some students in my free time to manage my expenses because I don't want to put pressure on my parents, so I support myself and do both at the same time.

Issues: missing preposition ('in my sixth semester'), incorrect word choice ('vision' should be 'tuition'), run-on sentence and awkward phrasing. Use present continuous/simple appropriately: 'I am studying' and habitual action 'I give tuition' are acceptable. Use 'manage my expenses' not 'manage my dues', and 'put pressure on' is the correct collocation. Break into two sentences for clarity and correct article/number phrasing.

× I am studying UH in the gourmet university known as University of Gujarat and uh, it's take me about one hour to reach university almost every day.

✓ I am studying at the government university known as the University of Gujarat and it takes me about one hour to reach the university almost every day.

Problems: preposition 'at' is required with 'studying at a university'; 'gourmet' is wrong word, 'government' likely intended; missing definite article 'the University of Gujarat' and 'the university'; verb agreement: 'it takes' not 'it's take'. Use 'takes' for third person singular.

× Uh, the university bus picks me every day but it make me feel tired because of the long journey.

✓ The university bus picks me up every day, but it makes me feel tired because of the long journey.

Problems: verb agreement 'it makes' (third person singular), missing particle 'up' with 'pick up' in this context. Keep pronoun 'it' for the bus but ensure correct verb form.

× Yeah, it's a really good place to study because in university we have teachers tell us to, uh, do presentations, to perform quiz, to, to be assignments.

✓ Yes, it's a really good place to study because at university our teachers ask us to give presentations, to take quizzes, and to do assignments.

Problems: incorrect preposition ('at university' preferred), awkward phrasing and wrong verb forms: 'teachers tell us to do presentations' should be 'ask us to give presentations'; 'perform quiz' should be 'take quizzes'; 'be assignments' is wrong — use 'do assignments'. Also prefer 'our teachers' and parallel verb forms.

× In this way they prepare us how to, uh, convey with, uh, other at higher level, like it's, uh, give us skills.

✓ In this way they prepare us how to communicate with others at a higher level; for example, it gives us skills.

Problems: 'convey with other' is incorrect—use 'communicate with others'; need plural 'others'; missing article 'a higher level' and subject-verb agreement 'it gives' not 'it's give'. Use clearer connectors and correct verbs.

× And then the change which I want to make is the transport system student had suffer a lot because of less availability of buses and seats.

✓ The change I would like to make is to the transport system. Students suffer a lot because there are fewer buses and seats available.

Problems: awkward phrasing and quantifier use: 'less availability of buses' should be 'fewer buses' (countable) or 'less availability' followed by 'of seats' is awkward. Use plural 'students' and correct tense 'suffer' for general statement. Split into two sentences for clarity.

× They force the students to travel in the bus where seats are limited and there are no seats and students have to travel by standing there and it makes the.

✓ They force students to travel on the bus where seats are limited and often there are no seats, so students have to travel standing, which makes the journey very tiring.

Problems: article misuse 'in the bus' should be 'on the bus', redundant 'the students'—use 'students' for generalization, awkward phrase 'travel by standing' should be 'travel standing'. Sentence was incomplete; completed with a clear result. Use 'which makes the journey very tiring' to finish the idea.

× I want to go abroad for my study because I think so.

✓ I want to go abroad to study because I believe that will be better for me.

Problems: 'I think so' is vague and unnatural after that clause. Use more precise phrasing: 'I believe that will be better for me' or 'I think studying abroad is better.' Also use 'to study' rather than 'for my study' for natural collocation.

× No kind of future exists in Pakistan because air study system is not so good, transport system is very bad and my future plans are something different.

✓ I feel there are limited opportunities in Pakistan because the higher education system is not very good and the transport system is poor; my future plans are different.

Problems: awkward negation 'No kind of future exists' is unnatural; 'air study system' appears to be incorrect for 'higher education' or 'education system'; parallel structure issues. Use 'I feel there are limited opportunities' and correct terms 'higher education system' or 'education system' and 'transport system is poor'.

× I want to be independent, I want to go abroad and achieve my goals.

✓ I want to be independent; I want to go abroad and achieve my goals.

Main issue: punctuation and sentence connection. Grammatically the original is acceptable in present tense for future intentions; improving clarity by using a semicolon or separate sentence is recommended. No major tense error, but ensure punctuation for readability.