学习— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Make the response more concise and directly structured: start with a clear topic sentence (work), then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid redundancy (e.g., "after work hours" and "during those times" both). Also simplify vocabulary like "upscale" to "improve" or "upskill" for clarity.

範例: I work as a trader at Universal Bank in the Philippines. In the evenings I upskill by taking online courses and reading industry reports, because I want to progress quickly in my career.

建議: Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific supporting details linked logically. Correct incomplete phrases and avoid vague endings (the final sentence is incomplete). Use linking words like "first" and "for example."

範例: I study exclusively at home. First, I search the internet for reliable resources, and then I make a learning outline. For example, when studying risk management I follow a structured YouTube course and take notes.

建議: Give a clear direct answer then support with specific reasons using linking words. Fix awkward phrasing (e.g., "not a conducive 1") and be concise. Mention the main positive and the main drawback, and avoid unnecessary repetition about tiredness.

範例: It’s adequate for studying, but not very conducive. For example, I lack a proper desk and an ergonomic chair, so I often slouch and feel back pain after long study sessions.

建議: Answer directly and briefly, then give a concise priority and reason. Avoid repeating previous sentences exactly; instead add a linking phrase and a concrete benefit of the change.

範例: Yes. I would prioritize getting an ergonomic chair and a proper desk because they would improve my posture and help me study longer without pain.

建議: Start with a clear topic sentence stating the plan, then add two specific supporting details (what you will study and why). Use linking words like "because" or "so that" and replace vague phrases ("not that deep") with clearer language.

範例: I plan to study geographic data science abroad. I want to build on the basic knowledge I gained in college by taking advanced courses, because I hope to use those skills to support my country’s climate-change mitigation efforts.

× I currently work as a trader at the Universal Bank here in the Philippines, but after work hours, I consider myself as a student as I always try to upscale during those times.

✓ I currently work as a trader at Universal Bank here in the Philippines, but after work hours I consider myself a student because I always try to upscale during those times.

Remove 'the' before a proper organization name (article error) and remove 'as' after 'consider myself' (incorrect use of prepositions/pronouns). Also replace the comma + 'as' with 'because' for clearer cause. Suggestion: say 'consider myself a student' and use 'because' to show reason.

× I only study at home.

✓ I study only at home.

Word order: placing 'only' before the phrase it modifies is clearer. 'I only study at home' can be interpreted correctly but better to use 'I study only at home' to show restriction. This is an adverb placement issue (type 20) but falls under preposition/adverb use; improve by moving 'only' next to 'at home'.

× I find sources in the Internet regarding topics that I want to learn during that day.

✓ I find sources on the Internet about the topics I want to study that day.

Use 'on the Internet' not 'in the Internet' and 'about' is more natural than 'regarding'. Also simplify 'learn during that day' to 'study that day'. These are preposition and word choice issues.

× Usually before learning anything about a topic, I try to create an outline on how I will learn such topic.

✓ Usually, before learning about a topic, I try to create an outline of how I will learn it.

Awkward phrasing 'such topic' and 'outline on' — use 'outline of' and replace 'such topic' with 'it'. This fixes sentence structure and makes it concise.

× For example, if I want to learn about risk management, I try to find the YouTube course that should.

✓ For example, if I want to learn about risk management, I try to find a YouTube course that suits my needs.

Original sentence is incomplete ('that should' is unfinished). Provide a proper relative clause: 'that suits my needs' or 'that covers the topic'. This corrects sentence structure and completes the thought.

× I consider it as a good place to study but not a conducive 1.

✓ I consider it a good place to study, but it is not very conducive.

Remove 'as' after 'consider' and correct 'conducive 1' (likely a typo). Use 'it is not very conducive' to convey the meaning. This fixes incorrect adjective/adverb usage and sentence structure.

× I do not have my own study table as well as a work chair, so whenever I study or work, my back seems to slouch and I feel the tiredness afterwards in my body.

✓ I do not have my own study table or a proper work chair, so whenever I study or work my back slouches and I feel tired afterward.

Use 'or' instead of 'as well as' for negative lists, 'work chair' -> 'proper work chair', use present simple 'my back slouches' for habitual action, and 'feel tired afterward' is more natural than 'feel the tiredness afterwards in my body'. This corrects conjunction use, verb tense/choice, and phrasing.

× Yes, as I mentioned earlier, I do not have any study table or an ergonomic chair, so if ever there's something that I'd like to change about this setup, I'd prioritize having an ergonomic chair and a comfortable table.

✓ Yes, as I mentioned earlier, I do not have a study table or an ergonomic chair, so if there were something I could change about this setup, I would prioritize getting an ergonomic chair and a comfortable table.

Use 'do not have a study table' (no 'any' needed) and prefer conditional 'if there were something I could change... I would' instead of 'if ever there's... I'd'. Also 'getting' is more natural than 'having' in this context. This fixes conjunction and conditional modal usage.

× One of the reasons why I am here is because I want to study abroad, focusing in geographic data science.

✓ One of the reasons I am here is that I want to study abroad, focusing on geographic data science.

Avoid redundant 'reasons why' -> 'reasons', use 'is that' instead of 'is because', and use 'focusing on' not 'focusing in'. These are preposition and sentence structure corrections.

× When I was in college, I had the opportunity to study this topic, but not that deep.

✓ When I was in college, I had the opportunity to study this topic, but not in depth.

Use the phrase 'in depth' instead of 'that deep'. 'Not in depth' conveys limited study. Past tense 'had' is correct; this fixes adverbial phrase choice.

× I want to deepen it now in order for me to serve my country as well as help in mitigating climate change.

✓ I want to deepen my knowledge now in order to serve my country and help mitigate climate change.

Use 'deepen my knowledge' rather than 'deepen it', and use the infinitive 'in order to' plus base verb 'help mitigate' (not 'help in mitigating'). This corrects verb form usage and clarifies meaning.