机会— Part 1 評分報告

建議: 「But yes」は不自然なので「Yes, definitely」や「Yes, I did」にしましょう。また、過去の経験について話しているため、「have many opportunities」ではなく「had many opportunities」を使う必要があります。「for example」の前後にコンマを置き、「Christmas fairs and sports days」「These events」「join games and clubs」のように、名詞の数と代名詞を正しく一致させてください。最初に直接答え、その後に具体例と結果を続けると、より明確で自然になります。

範例: Yes, I did. My local community often held events such as Christmas fairs and sports days. I took part in games and joined different clubs, which helped me make new friends quickly.

建議: 意見は明確ですが、「new different things」は重複しているため「different things」または「new activities」にしましょう。また、「as many as possible」の位置を「try as many different things as possible」とし、「lead to our new possibility」は不自然なので「create new opportunities」や「open up new possibilities」と表現するとよいです。理由と将来の効果をつなぐために、「because」や「As a result」を使い、具体例を1つ加えると内容の説得力が高まります。

範例: Yes, definitely. Trying as many different activities as possible helps people broaden their perspectives and discover what they enjoy. For example, learning a new skill can introduce them to new people and open up future opportunities.

× But yes, I have many opportunities to try new activities as a child because my local community often held events for example Christmas fair and sport days This event let me join games and club and helped me make new friends quickly.

✓ Yes, I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child because my local community often held events, such as Christmas fairs and sports days. These events let me join games and clubs and helped me make new friends quickly.

The phrase as a child refers to a completed period in the past, so the past-tense form had is required instead of the present-tense form have. When describing past experiences, use the past tense consistently.

× But yes, I have many opportunities to try new activities as a child because my local community often held events for example Christmas fair and sport days This event let me join games and club and helped me make new friends quickly.

✓ Yes, I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child because my local community often held events, such as Christmas fairs and sports days. These events let me join games and clubs and helped me make new friends quickly.

Christmas fairs, sports days, and clubs are general examples of multiple events or activities, so they should be plural. Also, because the sentence refers to several events, This event must be changed to These events.

× But yes, I have many opportunities to try new activities as a child because my local community often held events for example Christmas fair and sport days This event let me join games and club and helped me make new friends quickly.

✓ Yes, I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child because my local community often held events, such as Christmas fairs and sports days. These events let me join games and clubs and helped me make new friends quickly.

When introducing examples after a general noun such as events, use the expression such as rather than for example without suitable punctuation or structure. Use such as before examples in a sentence.

× Yes, definitely because trying new different things as many as possible helps us broaden our own perspectives and it might lead to our new possibility in the future.

✓ Yes, definitely, because trying as many different things as possible helps us broaden our perspectives and might lead to new possibilities in the future.

The phrase as many as possible should come directly after the noun phrase it modifies: as many different things as possible. Place quantity expressions next to the noun or noun phrase they describe.

× Yes, definitely because trying new different things as many as possible helps us broaden our own perspectives and it might lead to our new possibility in the future.

✓ Yes, definitely, because trying as many new and different things as possible helps us broaden our perspectives and might lead to new possibilities in the future.

New and different are two adjectives describing things, so they should be connected with and. Avoid placing two descriptive adjectives together without a conjunction when the intended meaning is that both qualities apply.

× Yes, definitely because trying new different things as many as possible helps us broaden our own perspectives and it might lead to our new possibility in the future.

✓ Yes, definitely, because trying as many different things as possible helps us broaden our perspectives and might lead to new possibilities in the future.

The phrase our new possibility is not natural in this context. Use new possibilities to express possible future outcomes generally. Also, the fixed expression is in the future, which requires the definite article the.