机会— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Answer more directly and use clearer sentence boundaries. Say “I joined” rather than “I did” and use “extracurricular clubs” instead of “extra collective clubs.” Correct the phrases “took the part” to “took part” and “disciplining skills” to “self-discipline.” You could also explain one specific activity or give a brief example to make your answer more vivid. Avoid listing too many activities without developing one of them.

範例: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities during my school years. I joined extracurricular clubs such as karate, basketball, and baseball, but karate was my favorite because it helped me become more disciplined. These activities also gave me the chance to make new friends and improve my teamwork and communication skills.

建議: Give a clear position in the first sentence and avoid repeating or restarting phrases. The expression “build a person’s perspective and personality” would be more natural as “broaden people’s perspectives and develop their personalities.” Replace “having the confidence to fail the real world” with “giving people the confidence to face challenges in the real world.” Add a specific example and use a linking word such as “for example” or “as a result” to make the answer coherent.

範例: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities, although they do not need to do everything. Trying new things can broaden their perspectives, help them discover their interests, and build useful skills. For example, someone who joins a sports team may become more confident and learn how to cooperate with others. As a result, they may feel better prepared to face challenges in the real world.

× I did during my school years I joined several extra collective clubs such as karate, basketball, baseball.

✓ I did. During my school years, I joined several extracurricular clubs, such as karate, basketball, and baseball.

The original sentence contains two independent clauses joined without appropriate punctuation or a conjunction. Separating the clauses into two sentences makes the structure clear. Also, extracurricular is the natural adjective for activities outside regular classes, and and is used before the final item in the list.

× I took the part in these mainly because I enjoyed making new friends and socializing with my classmates.

✓ I took part in these activities mainly because I enjoyed making new friends and socializing with my classmates.

The expression is take part in, not take the part in. The noun part is used without an article in this fixed expression. Adding activities makes the reference clearer.

× They also helped me develop teamwork and disciplining and communication skills along the way.

✓ They also helped me develop teamwork, discipline, and communication skills along the way.

Disciplining is a verb meaning to punish or control someone, so it does not fit in this list of skills. The noun discipline is needed because teamwork, discipline, and communication are all nouns describing skills.

× In my opinion, trying new and different types of activities helps build a person's perspective and personality which is good for for which is good for a person's skill building skills, which is good for building new skills and having the confidence to fail the real world.

✓ In my opinion, trying different activities helps broaden a person's perspective and develop their personality. It is also good for building new skills and developing the confidence to face the real world.

The original sentence contains repeated and incomplete phrases, including for for, which is good for, and skill building skills. These repetitions make the sentence structurally unclear. Dividing the ideas into two sentences and using parallel verbs, broaden and develop, produces a clear and grammatical answer. Face the real world is the correct expression in this context, not fail the real world.