机会— Part 1 評分報告

建議: 回答は具体例が多く、質問にも直接答えられています。しかし、“like”の繰り返しが多く、“enrichment class”は通常複数形の“enrichment classes”とする方が自然です。また、“the schedules kind of like scatters around my week”は文法的に不自然なので、“my schedule was varied”などに言い換えましょう。活動を列挙するだけでなく、最後にそれによって得た結果や感想を簡潔に述べると、より効果的です。

範例: Yes, I had plenty of opportunities to try new activities as a child because my mother enrolled me in enrichment classes at the weekends. For example, I took piano lessons one week, tried bowling the next, and attended a drawing class after that. My schedule was quite varied, so I rarely felt bored and discovered several activities that I enjoyed.

建議: 自分の意見と理由を示している点は良いですが、“obviously”や“you know”の使用、最後の“Do do”は不自然で、流暢さと明確さを損なっています。“get as many experiences”は“gain as much experience as possible”が自然です。また、“too ignorance of a knowledge”は誤りなので、“you can never have too much knowledge”に修正しましょう。意見→理由→具体例または結果の順に整理し、4文程度で簡潔に答えると、より自然で説得力のある回答になります。

範例: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities because it helps them gain new skills and understand their interests. For example, someone who tries volunteering, sports, and cooking may discover a talent or passion they never knew they had. However, they do not need to continue every activity; they should focus on the ones they find meaningful.

× Yes, my mom used to send me to like enrichment class on the weekends.

✓ Yes, my mom used to send me to an enrichment class on the weekends.

The singular countable noun class needs an article. Use an before enrichment because enrichment begins with a vowel sound. The word like is unnecessary here because it is only a hesitation filler.

× And the other week then I would have like a drawing class and it the schedules kind of like scatters around my week so that I don't get bored.

✓ And the following week, I would have a drawing class, and the classes would be scattered throughout my week so that I wouldn't get bored.

Classes is plural, so the verb should be would be scattered rather than scatters. Also, the original sentence contains an incorrect structure in it the schedules. The phrase throughout my week is more natural than around my week. Because the story is about childhood, wouldn't get bored keeps the result in the past time frame.

× And the other week then I would have like a drawing class and it the schedules kind of like scatters around my week so that I don't get bored.

✓ And the following week, I would have a drawing class, and the classes would be scattered throughout my week so that I wouldn't get bored.

The answer describes repeated situations in the past using used to and would. Therefore, don't should change to wouldn't to maintain consistent past-time reference.

× Yes, obviously people should try to get as many experiences, learn as many things, you know, fill their mind, their knowledge with new things, because you could never be too ignorance of a knowledge.

✓ Yes, obviously, people should try to gain as much experience as possible and learn as many things as they can. They should fill their minds with new knowledge because you can never learn too much.

Experience is usually uncountable when it means general knowledge gained from activities, so use as much experience as possible. Things is countable, so as many things is correct. Knowledge is uncountable and does not normally take the article a. The phrase learn too much is the natural way to express the idea that learning cannot be excessive.

× Yes, obviously people should try to get as many experiences, learn as many things, you know, fill their mind, their knowledge with new things, because you could never be too ignorance of a knowledge.

✓ Yes, obviously, people should try to gain as much experience as possible and learn as many things as they can. They should fill their minds with new knowledge because you can never learn too much.

Ignorance is a noun, but the sentence requires an adjective. However, too ignorant of a knowledge is not a natural expression. Learn too much clearly communicates the intended meaning. Also, minds should be plural because people refers to more than one person.

× And you live as if you were to learn every day.

✓ You should live as if you were learning every day.

The structure were to learn usually describes a hypothetical future situation and does not express the intended meaning here. Were learning correctly describes an ongoing activity in the comparison introduced by as if. Adding should also makes the sentence express advice, which fits the context.

× And that's a principle that I hold very closely to my heart.

✓ And that's a principle that I hold very close to my heart.

The fixed expression is hold something close to one's heart. Close is an adjective describing the position or emotional importance of the principle, whereas closely is an adverb and is not used in this expression.