机会— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more grammatical, concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g. Yes, I did.), then give one or two specific supporting details. Use correct tense and simple linking words (for example, 'but' or 'because') to connect ideas. Avoid repetition and finish the thought (why you didn’t like swimming).

範例: Yes, I did. My parents encouraged me to take swimming lessons, but I didn’t enjoy practicing in the large pool because it felt intimidating and crowded. Later, I preferred smaller pools where I felt more comfortable.

建議: Give a clear opinion first and then support it with specific reasons and an example. Use linking words (for example, 'because', 'for example', 'however') and avoid filler words and repetition. Keep it within 2–4 sentences and use more precise vocabulary like 'benefit', 'gain confidence' or 'broaden horizons'.

範例: Yes, I believe people should try many different activities because it helps them discover new interests and build confidence. For example, trying sports and arts taught me useful skills and made me more open to new experiences.

× Yes, when I was a child my parents want to play my parents want me to play swimming and when I was a child I didn't like applying swimming in a big pool because it really is

✓ Yes, when I was a child my parents wanted me to learn how to swim, and I didn't like swimming in a big pool because it was scary.

The sentence refers to past events, so verbs must be in the past tense. 'want' should be 'wanted'. 'want me to play swimming' is incorrect word choice and word order; use 'wanted me to learn how to swim' or 'wanted me to take swimming lessons'. 'applying swimming' is incorrect; use 'swimming' or 'learning to swim'. The clause 'because it really is' mixes present tense and is incomplete; change to 'because it was scary' (past tense) and provide a clear adjective. Suggestion: ensure verbs match the time frame (past) and use correct verb phrases for activities (learn how to swim, take lessons, swim).

× yes, well yes because people feel happy when when people get achievement when it comes to kind of the different things that we have down.

✓ Yes, because people feel happy when they achieve things, especially when they try different activities.

The original sentence has repetition ('when when'), unclear phrasing ('get achievement', 'when it comes to kind of the different things that we have down') and poor sentence structure. Replace 'get achievement' with 'achieve things' and simplify the clause to 'especially when they try different activities'. Also capitalize the first word if needed. Suggestion: avoid repetition, use clear verbs like 'achieve', and keep clauses concise and directly connected.