机会— Part 1 評分報告

建議: 문장 구조를 명확히 하고 중복 표현을 제거하세요. 질문에 직접 답하는 주제문(예: 예/아니요)을 먼저 말한 뒤, 언제, 어떤 활동이었는지 구체적으로 설명하세요. 연결어를 사용해 이유나 느낌을 간결하게 덧붙이고, 말실수(중복되는 단어)와 우물쭈물하는 표현을 줄이세요. 예: 'Yes, I did. In middle school I joined a public speaking competition, but I wasn’t very motivated and didn’t try my best.'

範例: Yes, I did. In middle school I joined a public speaking competition, which focused on prepared speeches. At the time I felt reluctant and lacked confidence, so I didn’t give it my best effort.

建議: 의견을 명확한 주제문으로 시작하고 구체적 이유와 예를 덧붙이세요. 연결어(to begin with, for example, moreover 등)를 사용해 문장을 매끄럽게 연결하고 문법과 시제 오류를 고치세요. 반복되는 표현('experience') 대신 관련된 어휘를 사용해 다양성을 높이세요. 예: 'Yes, I do, because trying new things helps you grow. For example, ...'

範例: Yes, I do, because trying new activities helps you grow and learn new skills. For example, when I tried volunteering, I became more confident and improved my communication, so I think diverse experiences have real benefits.

× When I was in middle school I attended the random kind of competition and it was all about speaking speaking and to be honest, I didn't want to I didn't try my best.

✓ When I was in middle school I attended a kind of random competition that was all about speaking, and to be honest, I didn't want to; I didn't try my best.

The sentence has issues with gerund/infinitive use and repetition. 'Speaking speaking' is redundant and should be 'speaking'. 'Attended the random kind of competition' is unnatural word order; 'attended a kind of random competition' or better 'attended a kind of random competition that was all about speaking' corrects the structure. Use of 'to be honest, I didn't want to I didn't try my best' is ungrammatical: it needs a connector and clear clauses, e.g. 'to be honest, I didn't want to; I didn't try my best' or 'to be honest, I didn't want to, so I didn't try my best.' Suggestions: remove duplicate words, reorder noun phrases, and link clauses with proper punctuation or conjunctions.

× And I totally agree with it because I believe experience changes everything.

✓ I totally agree with that because I believe experience changes everything.

Use of 'And' at the start is informal and unnecessary; more importantly 'agree with it' should refer to 'that' (the idea), so 'agree with that' is clearer. The present simple 'experience changes' is correct; only minor pronoun choice and style were fixed. Suggestion: use 'that' to refer to a preceding idea, and avoid starting sentences with 'And' in formal response.

× And yeah, like when I back it in the past, so many experience changed me and I believe the experience has really good power.

✓ When I look back to the past, many experiences changed me and I believe experience has a lot of power.

Original has incorrect verb form 'back it in the past' — should be 'look back' or 'when I look back on the past'. 'So many experience' has number agreement error; 'experience' should be plural 'experiences'. 'Has really good power' is unnatural collocation; use 'has a lot of power' or 'is very powerful'. Tense consistency: 'changed me' (past simple) is fine when referring to past events; keep 'believe' in present simple for current belief. Suggestions: use 'look back' or 'when I think back', pluralize 'experience' to 'experiences', and choose natural collocations like 'a lot of power' or 'is very powerful'.