机会— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence, then add one specific example. Avoid redundancy and improve grammar (e.g., use past continuous/simple correctly and fix connector use). Use a linking word when adding detail.

範例: Yes. I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child because my mother was a teacher and encouraged extracurricular clubs. For example, I joined the school choir and a painting class, which helped me develop a lasting interest in music and art.

建議: Start with a direct opinion sentence, then give one clear reason and a specific example. Avoid vague phrases like 'born to experience' and awkward phrasing such as 'on our best.' Use linking words (for example, however, because) to connect ideas.

範例: Yes, I believe people should try many different things because it broadens their skills and interests. For example, learning a new sport taught me teamwork and improved my fitness, so I think experimenting with activities can enrich life.

× Let me think about that. When I was a child, I experienced a lot of activities and I think that is very good for building my hobbies and as my mother was a teacher, so I had a lot of opportunities.

✓ Let me think about that. When I was a child, I took part in a lot of activities, which I think was very good for developing my hobbies, and because my mother was a teacher, I had many opportunities.

This sentence has multiple sentence structure issues (ID 26). Problems include redundant connectors ('and... so'), awkward phrasing ('experienced a lot of activities' is unnatural), and mismatched clauses. Corrections: replace 'experienced a lot of activities' with 'took part in a lot of activities' to use the correct verb for participation; change 'building my hobbies' to 'developing my hobbies' for natural collocation; remove the redundant 'and... so' and use 'and because' or separate clauses; use 'many opportunities' instead of 'a lot of opportunities' for smoother style. These changes improve clarity and grammatical cohesion.

× Yes, it's a good question. Absolutely. I think people are born to experience this world and all of us should try everything on our best so we can have a lot of fun of our lives.

✓ Yes, that's a good question. Absolutely. I think people are born to experience the world, and we should all try our best at many different things so we can enjoy our lives.

Primary issues are sentence structure and incorrect preposition/collocation use (ID 11 and 26). 'On our best' is incorrect; correct phrase is 'try our best' (idiomatic expression). 'Have a lot of fun of our lives' is ungrammatical; use 'enjoy our lives' or 'have a lot of fun in our lives.' Also change 'this world' to 'the world' for natural reference, and reorder 'we should all' for smoother flow. These corrections fix preposition and idiomatic errors and improve overall sentence coherence.