机会— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise, correct grammar, and add specific examples. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific activities with brief details and a linking word to keep coherence. Avoid repetition and fix verb and article mistakes (e.g. “helped me grow” not “grow my grow”, “these new activities” instead of “this new activities”).

範例: Yes — I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, I took swimming lessons for three years and joined the school football team, which helped me become more confident and fit. As a result, I developed a love for teamwork and staying active.

建議: Make your opinion direct and support it with clear reasons and one concrete example. Use linking words (for example, therefore) and correct phrasing (e.g. “find themselves in them” or “find themselves”). Avoid vague phrases like “love themselves more” without explanation; instead explain how trying new things builds skills or confidence.

範例: Yes, I think people should try a variety of things because it broadens their skills and helps them discover interests. For example, learning a new language improved my communication and opened up travel opportunities, so trying new activities can lead to practical benefits and greater self-confidence.

× Yes I did and I loved taking new opportunities which helped me grow my grow into myself and explore new options.

✓ Yes, I did, and I loved taking new opportunities that helped me grow into myself and explore new options.

The phrase 'taking new opportunities' is acceptable but 'which helped me grow my grow into myself' is ungrammatical; 'grow into myself' is the intended verb phrase so use 'helped me grow into myself'. Also replace 'which' with 'that' for restrictive clause clarity and add commas for natural pauses. Suggestion: remove repeated words and ensure the verb phrase 'grow into myself' is whole.

× Hence I love taking part in this new activities.

✓ Hence I love taking part in these new activities.

The demonstrative must agree in number with the noun: 'activities' is plural so use 'these' not 'this'. Also 'taking part in' is correct; ensure plurality agreement.

× I I participated in swimming, playing sports like so many.

✓ I participated in swimming and played many sports.

The original has a repeated pronoun 'I I' and an incomplete phrase 'playing sports like so many' which is unclear. Rephrase to parallel verbs 'participated' and 'played' and use 'many sports' to convey plurality. Keep sentence concise and parallel.

× Yes they should because people are missing so many opportunities in their life and they're just wasting their time as they pass by.

✓ Yes, they should, because people miss many opportunities in their lives and let them pass by.

The original mixes progressive 'are missing' and an awkward clause 'they're just wasting their time as they pass by.' Use simple present 'miss' for general truth. Use plural 'lives' to match 'people' and simplify 'let them pass by' to clearly refer to opportunities.

× They should try new things and Fi try to find themselves in it.

✓ They should try new things and try to find themselves in them.

There is a typo 'Fi' instead of 'I' or nothing; also pronoun agreement: 'new things' is plural so use plural pronoun 'them' rather than 'it'. Keep parallel structure: 'try new things and try to find themselves in them.'

× It will help them grow into themselves and love themselves more.

✓ It will help them grow and love themselves more.

The phrase 'grow into themselves' is odd and unnecessary; 'grow' alone is natural. Keep reflexive pronoun 'themselves' for 'love themselves'. If you intend 'grow into themselves' as 'become more themselves' you can say 'become more themselves', but 'grow' is clearer. Ensure pronoun reference matches antecedent.