机会— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar (articles and verb forms), avoid repetition, and keep answers under five sentences.

範例: Yes. My mother encouraged me to try many activities when I was young. For example, I took drawing and piano lessons and tried skiing during winter holidays, which helped me discover my love of music and outdoor sports. As a result, I became more confident and curious about new hobbies.

建議: Give a direct opinion first, then support it with clear reasons and examples. Avoid hesitations and filler words, correct grammar (word order and articles), and use linking words for coherence. Keep it within three sentences if possible.

範例: I believe people should try a variety of activities, but it depends on their personality. For example, I enjoy both playing piano and participating in sports because they develop different skills, whereas quieter people might prefer fewer activities that suit their temperament. Ultimately, trying new things can help people learn about themselves and grow.

× my mother often offered me opportunity to join different classes.

✓ my mother often offered me the opportunity to join different classes.

Missing definite article 'the' before 'opportunity' is required because it refers to a specific chance provided by the mother. Use 'the opportunity' to indicate that particular opportunity.

× I joined drawing class, skiing class and piano classes.

✓ I joined a drawing class, a skiing class and piano classes.

Countable singular nouns require an article ('a') when referring to one instance: 'a drawing class', 'a skiing class'. 'Piano classes' can remain plural if multiple classes were taken. Ensure consistent use of articles for countable nouns.

× And I can explore different new hobbies for joining these activities.

✓ And I could explore new hobbies by joining these activities.

The original uses 'for joining' awkwardly; 'by joining' is the correct prepositional pattern to express means. Also change 'can' to 'could' to match past context ('as a child'). Remove redundant 'different' or 'new' and keep one adjective ('new hobbies').

× So I'm so grateful for these opportunities.

✓ So I was very grateful for those opportunities.

The student is referring to past experience as a child, so past tense 'was' is appropriate. Also 'these' should become 'those' to match past reference. Replace colloquial 'so so' with 'very' for clearer expression.

× I think this varies on people with different personalities.

✓ I think this varies among people with different personalities.

Use 'vary among' or 'vary between' rather than 'vary on'. 'Among' is appropriate when referring to differences within a group.

× For instance, me as an enthusiastic person, I would be passionate to join different kinds of things ranging from during umm P playing piano to playing sports.

✓ For instance, as an enthusiastic person, I would be eager to try different activities, ranging from playing the piano to playing sports.

Incorrect pronoun 'me' used as subject; use 'as an enthusiastic person'. 'Passionate to join' is unidiomatic—use 'eager to try' or 'passionate about'. Remove filler 'during umm P' and add article 'the' before 'piano'. Use 'activities' instead of 'things' for clarity.

× However, for some quiet person, they may want may not want to join different things.

✓ However, some quiet people may not want to join different activities.

Number agreement: 'some quiet person' should be plural 'some quiet people' since 'they' is used. Remove duplicated 'may want may not want'. Use 'activities' instead of 'things' for formality and clarity.